turnera Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 She admitted to sleeping with him... Did she agree to stop contact? If so, you need to get all her passwords to her computer and phone so you can verify. Let us know if she refuses.
U2RockZz Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 do not waste your time on let her talk into more BS than she already is....you have already given/tried to stop the affair for 3 or 4 times but she didn't ....what does that say about her....her excuses are inhuman....change your accounts...insurance..ccs..then lawyer up.....good luck
Darth Vader Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 do not waste your time on let her talk into more BS than she already is....you have already given/tried to stop the affair for 3 or 4 times but she didn't ....what does that say about her....her excuses are inhuman....change your accounts...insurance..ccs..then lawyer up.....good luck Agreed, drop the lying cheating Bitch! She blames you for her affair? Man, if you don't drop her she WILL do this AGAIN!!!! Get a Good Lawyer and drop her ASS!
Darth Vader Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Agreed, drop the lying cheating Bitch! She blames you for her affair? Man, if you don't drop her she WILL do this AGAIN!!!! Get a Good Lawyer and drop her ASS! Do you have an update for us? And PLEASE don't say that you're going to give her one more chance! She ain't worth it after all the HELL she's put you through, then Blames you for it!?
jnj express Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 There isn't even the faintest comparison of what you did by taking pills--to what she did by spreading her legs. You caused some problems for her and the mge., but with COMMUNICATION, on both your parts they could have been worked out. She MURDERED your mge. Your life is never gonna be the same---you will have visions of this guy going where only you are allowed as per SACRED VOWS SHE TOOK WILLINGLY!!!!!! If you wanna R., and I don't know why you would considering this woman, who calls herself your wife---came home every night looked you in the eyes, and said everything is fine. She is a master of deceit, a manipulator, a conniver, and a liar. DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU WILL EVER TRUST ANYTHING SHE SAYS EVER AGAIN---if you stay with her,, you are always gonna be lookin over your shoulder---your always gonna be checking her electronics----ARE YOU PREPARED TO BE A PRISON GUARD OR P I, the rest of your life. You need to go back so you are not accused of abandonment----just stay in a seperate part of the house---no touchy--feely--no lovey--dovey----see where things go. But if there is any hope for R.---she has to end the A., and go NC right NOW.
wheelwright Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I'm sorry, but your replies have been very unbalanced. A friend of mine recently behaved in the way you are describing. She was having a crisis. She needed something to help her see what her priorities were. She is NC with AP and totally into her H at this point. Your SO is deluded if she thinks she can carry on like this with your knowledge. Can she see your hurt? Make her see your hurt, then if she doesn't get it, I suppose it's over. It doesn't mean your R is over. It does mean drastic action needs to be taken. How does she feel about losing you and your pain?
Darth Vader Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Before everyone steers this man to divorce....lets think about this. NOT ALL AFFAIRS LEAD TO DIVORCE. If it were that simple, this forum would be quite boring. OF COURSE SHE LIED WHEN CONFRONTED! They all do. That does not make her any worse than any other affair person. OF COURSE SHE TRIED TO BLAMESHIFT! They all do that as well. I do see SOME evidence of her wanting to be honest. WITHIN A FEW DAYS SHE ADMITTED TO SEX WITHOUT ABSOLUTE PROOF. That is pretty big. She could have denied it. What I am a bit confused about is the length of this affair. If the State College meetup was months ago....was this an ongoing affair? He.....as much as anyone has a chance of reconciling. It depends on what he wants...and her willingness to meet his post affair needs. I see where you're going, but, you realize that his post affair needs will be a lifetime thing, not a few years, for the rest of his life!
jnj express Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 sure he can R.----does she really even want to----she is in defensive mode---talking about suicide etc., etc.,----do you think she is remorseful, and contrite enuff to want to end her A. She has lied to MaxR all the way thru, OK so that is typical, the big question then becomes---will/can she follow any boundaries he lays out, and for how long. In reading his posts, I am not so sure he wants to play prison guard, or P I the rest of his life. The only way he will get away from looking over his shoulder is to rid himself of this wife. I guess we really need more feed back from MaxR as to where he/they are at as of now.
Doing it Since '78 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Max, I know how it gets bro, my WS left me for her janitor OM back in December, and since then purposely destroyed two of my attempts at divorce, and made me waste umpteen amounts of money in legal fees, for nothing. She sends me a few texts regarding R, and like a fool I almost took the bait. I did some Det. work on FB, and lo and behold she was dragging me thorugh mud (once again), and bragging about how huge the OM d!ck fits in her mouth (verbatim: "I need to work on my gag reflex, because *OM' name* dick almost made me throw up) . Consumate LIAR, deceiver and manipulator. Your situation, unfortunatley sounds too much like mine for anything good to come out of it. Prepare your heart and mind to be divorced. She is gone Bro. No kids, you will be ok, however I have two infants, that I am now raising as a single dad, with a measly 400 a month in child support from her (that I have still not seen a dime of yet, woohoo American Judicial system ), and yet, I feel such a calm now that she has exposed herself as the person she really is, and other than the 6 days a month she get the kids, I have no reason to allow her to pollute my air. It will get better, just make sure you don't fall back into the pills, bro. This situation can and will trigger use. Don't let it. Be strong, keept it cool, and man up. Manhood on your part begins NOW.
jenifer1972 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 As the BS, you should not give her the upper hand and leave the house. SHE should leave the house. No matter what you decide, whether you want to give this another shot, she is the one who should be OFF BALANCE and with the lower hand, not you. YOU call the shots, NOT the cheater.
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Whatever you decide to do, make sure it leads to a positive outcome in the future for you.
turnera Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Glad you're working on things. You won't regret it. As for OM...be careful. People are getting sued just for calling people a liar...be very careful what you say and how you say it.
Gman95670 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 She admitted to sleeping with him... I'm sorry to here that. What she has done is not the same as you being addicted to pain killers. She intentionally and purposefully cheated. She, like many other cheaters, will try to shift the blame. Just remember, you both took vows and she broke them, you didn't.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You can most definitely save your marriage - IF you want to. If so, it starts with confrontation, which you have done. Maybe she was just flirting with him and getting her rocks off by the attention. If so, she will now STOP ALL CONTACT with him. Keep monitoring. ok, what kind of life is it if a husband has to continuously monitor his wife?
Dexter Morgan Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Glad you're working on things. You won't regret it. yes, he will. she tried hiding her affair even after he confronted her the first time. All it will take is for him to ease up on her a bit in the "monitoring" arena later on and she will be back at it.
turnera Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 yes, he will. she tried hiding her affair even after he confronted her the first time. All it will take is for him to ease up on her a bit in the "monitoring" arena later on and she will be back at it. I gather you're jaded, but if a person cheats, realizes the mistake, comes home and apologizes and asks her spouse what she can do to make up for the pain she's caused...they CAN have an even better relationship. Of course she denied the first time. That's what they do when they're cheating - try to hold on to both sides so they can cake eat. And sometimes, as it seems to be resulting here, the offender 'gets it' and does what they can to fix what they've done.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) I gather you're jaded you gather I'm jaded because I am highlighting what his wife, by his account of things, is doing, and highlighted that he already confronted her and she just tried to be more secretive about it? uh......ok:confused: but if a person cheats, realizes the mistake, comes home and apologizes and asks her spouse what she can do to make up for the pain she's caused...they CAN have an even better relationship. thats not what went on her. she didn't come home and confess anything. he caught her he confronted her he caught her being more sneaky about it he confronted her again, only made a little more tangible threats and NOW she is scared of what she'll lose. And now he has to have a better relationship, but only if he has to "monitor" her? whatta life!! and if your idea of a better relationship is they can try to sweep it under the rug, and he is married to someone that cheated, has a real life desire to be with another man....well then....uh.... So...how long do you think he would have to "montor" her actions and behavior before this wonderful relationship with a cheater took full, beautiful bloom?? Edited May 26, 2010 by Dexter Morgan
pizzagirl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
pizzagirl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Listen. Your emotions are no interfering with your ability to listen. You have been betrayed and hurt and want to act out of emotions: Don't do it. The level of knee jerk immature advice you have received does not HELP. Take some time off. You do NOT need to e definite as to how long yet I would think it is a good time to get some distance and decide what kind of marriage you have and IF you even want to save it. yet some physical and emotional distance at this time would not hurt. Listen to her answers. Do not attack but ask every question you need and listen. tell her if she lies to you again you are done and then start asking and LISTEN. Get some distance emotional and physical and then talk and listen as best you can. No one here knows your relationship like you. Other peoples wounded baggage is not yours. Good luck and listen. when you get enough answers then you can ACT.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 in case you missed it, pizzagirl, his "wife" has internet sex with this guy, calls him on the phone, more than likely talks to him about meeting in person. he confronted her once, she lied....started being more sneaky about keeping in contact with this guy....even had the nerve to say she goes out to the garage to talk to him because she knew he wouldn't approve...gee, no kidding. THEN, insults him even further by saying she will "compromise" and just not be in contact with him as much. uh.....what? She actually wanted a compromise to be able to stay in contact with this guy. Knee jerk? I think not. I think he has all the facts he needs. He is dealing with a woman that had no bones about letting her husband know she wants to keep in contact with her internet jerk off guy so they can have internet sex together. He has all the info he needs to make a decision. The decision is his. We can advise him any way we like, he will take from it what he wants.
Author maxrisc Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Thanks to everyone for the support. So, I moved back in on Saturday night. I made a list of things that would have to happen for me to come back and she agreed to all of them. The main things were, cut off all contact with the OM, delete all of her online accounts and change her phone number, i told her I would do everything I could do expose that prick to his wife, I would continue to monitor her accounts and phone logs and she would give me all her e-mail passwords, and we would sleep in different rooms till i feel comfortable. She agreed to everything and I sent a message to the OM thru her account, deleted her social network accounts, and changed her phone number right away. I believe her that she will do everything to make it work and that she is sorry (that doesn't mean 100% that it is going to work out). I knew if I ended it without at least giving it one shot I would regret it. To get past it I will eventually have to forgive her. That will be the hardest part and if I can't do that it will be the end but at least I can say i tried. As far as the OM goes, I started by sending a message to his wife's facebook account as a friend request. About a hour later it said my request was accepted then just as quick i was off her friends list so i figured he had her passwords and just deleted the message. So I sent a message to her sister and mother. I hadn't heard anything so I checked today and all of their accounts are deleted so I know the message got through but I want to make him suffer more than I am. I wanted to send his wife the chat logs because that prick can just deny everything without proof. So, right now I am taking it one minute at a time and see where it goes from there. Thanks again for all the support...
Dexter Morgan Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 i told her I would do everything I could do expose that prick to his wife what was her reaction to that one? If she was kind of apprehensive about that, then its not going to bode well for you. if she agreed and also agreed to give him up, address, number, etc. Then you can keep her around for a while. I would continue to monitor her accounts and phone logs and she would give me all her e-mail passwords, and we would sleep in different rooms till i feel comfortable. I would also say, while sleeping, her phone stays in the room you are in. She agreed to everything and I sent a message to the OM thru her account, deleted her social network accounts, and changed her phone number right away. I believe her that she will do everything to make it work and that she is sorry (that doesn't mean 100% that it is going to work out). I knew if I ended it without at least giving it one shot I would regret it. well good luck with that my man. I hope that if she doesn't completely straighten up that you won't be giving her mulitple chances. You know my view, I think you will simply be the husband of a woman who, while refraining from acting on her desires, will still desire him or another guy nonetheless. But you have to do what you think is right for you. I just wish you luck. I wanted to send his wife the chat logs because that prick can just deny everything without proof. Ok, I just have to ask you this question. You are calling this guy all sorts of names...and don't get me wrong, he IS everything you are calling him, pr!ck, etc. But if he is a pr!ck, then what is your wife? You can't bestow all the negative labels on him, she is just as bad if not worse.
Darth Vader Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Thanks to everyone for the support. So, I moved back in on Saturday night. I made a list of things that would have to happen for me to come back and she agreed to all of them. The main things were, cut off all contact with the OM, delete all of her online accounts and change her phone number, i told her I would do everything I could do expose that prick to his wife, I would continue to monitor her accounts and phone logs and she would give me all her e-mail passwords, and we would sleep in different rooms till i feel comfortable. She agreed to everything and I sent a message to the OM thru her account, deleted her social network accounts, and changed her phone number right away. I believe her that she will do everything to make it work and that she is sorry (that doesn't mean 100% that it is going to work out). I knew if I ended it without at least giving it one shot I would regret it. To get past it I will eventually have to forgive her. That will be the hardest part and if I can't do that it will be the end but at least I can say i tried. As far as the OM goes, I started by sending a message to his wife's facebook account as a friend request. About a hour later it said my request was accepted then just as quick i was off her friends list so i figured he had her passwords and just deleted the message. So I sent a message to her sister and mother. I hadn't heard anything so I checked today and all of their accounts are deleted so I know the message got through but I want to make him suffer more than I am. I wanted to send his wife the chat logs because that prick can just deny everything without proof. So, right now I am taking it one minute at a time and see where it goes from there. Thanks again for all the support... Are you going to have her throw out anything and everything that her OM had given her? That also includes everything that your wife wore for OM, Oh I'm sure you're making her life HELL right about now! She sure made your life HELL! Don't let her blameshift you into thinking that any of this is your fault, it was all HER fault for screwing another man!
Darth Vader Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 what was her reaction to that one? If she was kind of apprehensive about that, then its not going to bode well for you. if she agreed and also agreed to give him up, address, number, etc. Then you can keep her around for a while. I would also say, while sleeping, her phone stays in the room you are in. well good luck with that my man. I hope that if she doesn't completely straighten up that you won't be giving her mulitple chances. You know my view, I think you will simply be the husband of a woman who, while refraining from acting on her desires, will still desire him or another guy nonetheless. But you have to do what you think is right for you. I just wish you luck. Ok, I just have to ask you this question. You are calling this guy all sorts of names...and don't get me wrong, he IS everything you are calling him, pr!ck, etc. But if he is a pr!ck, then what is your wife? You can't bestow all the negative labels on him, she is just as bad if not worse. Great points Dex!
Author maxrisc Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Are you going to have her throw out anything and everything that her OM had given her? That also includes everything that your wife wore for OM, Oh I'm sure you're making her life HELL right about now! She sure made your life HELL! Don't let her blameshift you into thinking that any of this is your fault, it was all HER fault for screwing another man! Yea, we have already done that. I wanted to burn that shirt that I found out was the OM's and when I asked her for it (it was already out in the trash) she gave me a sweater coat that he bought her plus a flyers jersey that she bought because he was from there. The jersey i had figured out on my own but the coat I would have never known about so she is trying.
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