processing Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I'm usually in the habit of writing how I feel and some of the events that happen in my life on my blog... this last breakup as well (he had GIGS). He had GIGS, left me/well I discovered it and left him a month ago, he contacted me three weeks later and though that conversation went well... my wounds hadn't healed and a few days later I unleashed a fury on him about my feelings on what he did as he will not admit to lying about her. Right before that time... I noticed his hits on my blog and up until that point the blog was pretty tame. Recently I wrote a blog about GIGS rather a well crafted story about it using inanimate objects (old toy / new toy). I pulled it the day before yesterday because I wasn't sure if I wanted it up, I admit I did wonder what he would think ie. if he'd be irritated by me basically putting our dirty laundry out in the open. He looked this morning and didn't see it. But now I'm conflicted because it's not a fabricated story, he did what he did and it's my blog, shouldn't be there in the first place (he literally had to do a search for me under a fake name I use and look through several pages to even find it at that) but... alas I think I might be willing to take him back if he comes back with work of course. So... question to you is, would it be better just to leave it off line? That particular post and no longer refer to this current breakup? Should I put it back up? I'm pretty proud of it but I guess I just don't want to stir it up although his actions stirred it up first. I am also in strict NC aside from our little thing last week I've been pretty good not contacting him, I never begged, never cried, but like I said I did snap on him even after he was trying to be peaceful (reason why is because it was too soon and also he is still talking to the other woman. I suspected at the time we spoke, he might have realized that she wasn't as great so he was feeling around but as much as I want him back... I can't be in the picture as long as she is.) Hmmmm and now that I'm writing this, he lied to me about her for a full month before we broke up, why should I care what he thinks about what I write? I want him back but I don't think I should have to censor myself, especially when he was in the wrong. Still... opinions? Advice??
skydiveaddict Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Sorry but - what the hell is GIGS?? GIGS = grass is greener syndrome
TaraMaiden Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Ah, thanks. And here's me thinking it was some kind of illness. Oh well... In that case, processing - publish and be damned. go for it. You have absolutely nothing to lose.
Author processing Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 You beat me to it. Yeah I found out he was talking to another woman and left him. Nothing had happened between them up to that point physically (due to distance I'm sure) but it was leading up to it. He lied to me about the communication so I walked. I surmise that he freaked because he wasnt so sure he wanted a stronger commitment as I did, after two years I asked for more of one. We fought a little on the issue and after the second or third argument he found something easier. A few weeks later he contacted me, I figure he met her and it wasn't the greatest so he was sending some feelers out. But instead of 'playing it cool' a couple days later I freaked on him. He was still talking to her and was lightly flirting with me. I figure if he wants her he should dedicate himself to her 100 percent. I haven't completely decided if I want him back. If I'd take him back. I don't even know if he'll contact me again after that whole fiasco. However... he's still looking at my blog so maybe. I think if we were to hook back up we'd need to have some deep conversations. I don't know how to 'play' this other than what I"m doing... getting on with my life and continuing NC. I am just unsure about the blog. I don't know if I should completely disappear or leave a small part of me in view.
TaraMaiden Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Start a new and different blog - THEN publish and be damned..... If he finds that one - then really, he only has himself to blame.
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