xtine21 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 So I met my man about 8 months ago and we dated till this april. So we have had our disagreements but are overall relationship seemed like we were real happy. Till one day he called and ended things out of the blue with no warning at all. He told me he needed space because he has some personal things going on right now and he doesn't feel its fair for him to string me along when he is confused. He told me he hadn't been thinking about this no more than 2 days so it wasn't like it has been on his mind for weeks. Atleast thats what he says. Ok so im confused because the past weekes before our breakup he had been telling me how happy he was with me and he was falling for me and im a great girl. One night when he had one too many drinks he told me he loved me and he was scared to tell me because of what I might say back.. he was meaning I might not say it back and he didnt want to be rejected. This is the first he has ever done this too and i've seen him drunk many times. Of course he didnt remember in the morning but I didnt want to bring it up. I wasnt ready for that word yet and I rather him say it when he was sober. So that really confuses me... I dont get why he would tell me all that and still be sleeping with me and inviting me to family and friend events if he was just going to break it off out of the blue. Now im not one to chase a guy who doesnt want to love me anymore especially if it was that easy to cut me loose in his life. So the first month of breaking up we talked on and off and he would tell me he missed me and misses me being around but he still needs space. He even told me this was probably the worst mistake he may have made and he probablly lost the "great girl" every man dreams of. Once I replied back (not chasing him or screaming I missed him too) he than started acting like he didnt care anymore or he was just being nice. The thing that also confuses me is that he STILL HAS PICTURES OF US UP ALL OVER HIS FACEBOOK and there is really no sign of him dating or already having a new girlfriend. His actions also dont say that either. I can never tell when he is being real with his feeling, being fake or just covering them up. It was starting to get to hard to talk to him because I miss him so much. Yea we had our differences but we had a very strong connection and I know he felt it too. So I decided to have no more contact with him. I dont have facebook or myspace or twitter so the only way to get ahold of me or keep tabs on me is threw email or phone. But its like once I give him his space and fully disconnect he will still email me asking how im doing or that he will talk to me later and he keeps using my full name when ever he writes to me. I used to write him back but I decided no more. Its been a week since we talked and he hit me up yesterday asking how I was and I still havent replied back. I care about him and miss him so much. I want it to work but im not going to chase someone who is playing games or using me till he finds somethin better. I dont know how to read him or what to do with him. If he truly misses me or if hes just saying that. What should I do with my situation? Where do I go from here. I want things to work out but hes so wishy washy I dont know what to do?? Can anyone help me or been threw this both ways. I dont understand why he needed space all of the sudden when he led it on like we were happy and than also why is he still trying to keep contact when he was the one who left me??? Ive told him many times I cant be friends with him right now so he kows that. Will no contact do anything? What should I do? I want to be strong and not make any mistake or wanna regret somethin later on... PLEASE HELP SO CONFUSED!!!
amz Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Hello, You need to go into NO CONTACT you don't want someone ****ing you up like that, no one is worth waiting for if they don't show that they love you or care but instead they are just wasting your time. With NO CONTACT you are cutting that person out off your life and it will help you get over it and move on If he comes back to you and sorts his **** out then choice! If not? well you got over it and you were strong and showed him that you had pride. The worst thing you can do is show a person that you are weak and needy. It is not attractive Being strong and showing them you don't need them in your life is attactive. 4 weeks yesturday for me with No Contact still havent heard from my ex but thats better then me trying to beg them or showing them that i can't handle the break up. I just walked away and was cool about it. Things happen for a reason.
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 My bf of 11 months broke up with me out of the blue. We were so happy with a few differences here and there, nothing that couldn't have been worked through (and we were working through it all). It has been almost a month, and no contact except brief txts for him to pick up his things in the beginning. I know how you feel, except that we were in love and planning to spend the rest of our lives together. All I know is if I was still talking to him occasionally I would be dying inside. No contact is the only way to move on. It sounds like he is extremely scared of the fact that he loves you, he probably isn't ready to deal with this. He could be scared to get hurt, he could be a commitment phobe (look up info to see if he matches the signs), or just not ready for a real love in his life (if he is honestly going through life problems. sounds like an excuse to me). I wish I knew what his problem was so I could help you. What I will say is that no contact is working for me, and that includes not looking at his facebook! so if you are not ready for love and neither is he, then it is time to move on. best of luck! I know how hard it is but you can do it!!!! <3
supersub Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 So I met my man about 8 months ago and we dated till this april. So we have had our disagreements but are overall relationship seemed like we were real happy. Till one day he called and ended things out of the blue with no warning at all. He told me he needed space because he has some personal things going on right now and he doesn't feel its fair for him to string me along when he is confused. He told me he hadn't been thinking about this no more than 2 days so it wasn't like it has been on his mind for weeks. Atleast thats what he says. Ok so im confused because the past weekes before our breakup he had been telling me how happy he was with me and he was falling for me and im a great girl. One night when he had one too many drinks he told me he loved me and he was scared to tell me because of what I might say back.. he was meaning I might not say it back and he didnt want to be rejected. This is the first he has ever done this too and i've seen him drunk many times. Of course he didnt remember in the morning but I didnt want to bring it up. I wasnt ready for that word yet and I rather him say it when he was sober. So that really confuses me... I dont get why he would tell me all that and still be sleeping with me and inviting me to family and friend events if he was just going to break it off out of the blue. Now im not one to chase a guy who doesnt want to love me anymore especially if it was that easy to cut me loose in his life. So the first month of breaking up we talked on and off and he would tell me he missed me and misses me being around but he still needs space. He even told me this was probably the worst mistake he may have made and he probablly lost the "great girl" every man dreams of. Once I replied back (not chasing him or screaming I missed him too) he than started acting like he didnt care anymore or he was just being nice. The thing that also confuses me is that he STILL HAS PICTURES OF US UP ALL OVER HIS FACEBOOK and there is really no sign of him dating or already having a new girlfriend. His actions also dont say that either. I can never tell when he is being real with his feeling, being fake or just covering them up. It was starting to get to hard to talk to him because I miss him so much. Yea we had our differences but we had a very strong connection and I know he felt it too. So I decided to have no more contact with him. I dont have facebook or myspace or twitter so the only way to get ahold of me or keep tabs on me is threw email or phone. But its like once I give him his space and fully disconnect he will still email me asking how im doing or that he will talk to me later and he keeps using my full name when ever he writes to me. I used to write him back but I decided no more. Its been a week since we talked and he hit me up yesterday asking how I was and I still havent replied back. I care about him and miss him so much. I want it to work but im not going to chase someone who is playing games or using me till he finds somethin better. I dont know how to read him or what to do with him. If he truly misses me or if hes just saying that. What should I do with my situation? Where do I go from here. I want things to work out but hes so wishy washy I dont know what to do?? Can anyone help me or been threw this both ways. I dont understand why he needed space all of the sudden when he led it on like we were happy and than also why is he still trying to keep contact when he was the one who left me??? Ive told him many times I cant be friends with him right now so he kows that. Will no contact do anything? What should I do? I want to be strong and not make any mistake or wanna regret somethin later on... PLEASE HELP SO CONFUSED!!! Hi Xtine, The wonderful news here is that yes, NC will do something. It will help you find yourself again, but you have to use it correctly and you have to work on yourself, on your emotions. Its not about getting a love back, its about getting your self esteem back, getting your sanity back. However, NC is known to create possibilities of ex's coming back, its just that you shouldn't use it for that, you need to use it for you. I know how you feel right now. Its how I felt 6 months ago. Went through the same stuff. Perfectly normal, but there is a time where you have to start working on you. I know its not easy, but its the only way, believe me, I and many others on this site have done it. So You can too! Be the Prize!
robs Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 You have to be careful using NC, as it can cause a lot more damage to a relationship. If you don't want the guy back, NC is fine, but clearly u are still thinking he is a great guy and u want to find out. I'm on the other side of a similar situation now. We did a week of no contact and then a horrible couple of weeks sorting out the problems, which were all my fault. Post below http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t232153/ Right now we are going out maybe twice a week and rebuilding trust as friends. If we had done the no contact, my view would be its totally over, and i would have had to get on with a new life. That would have meant going out and chatting to new girls, maybe not dating but at least putting myself in a position where it might happen. So i would spell it out in black and white. Tell him what u will and won't do that will give u a chance to find out. Or end it and move on.
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