Soni Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, I'm 21 and he is nearly 27 but it is actually his immature behaviour that is the problem not the other way round as it might seem from the age difference! I am finding his behaviour really hard to deal with and I don't know whether it is best for us to split up? I do love him but I don't feel like he makes any effort in our relationship! Every time he is meant to come to my house he turns up late and by late I mean 3-4 hours late however he can't see why I would have a problem with this? even if we are meant to be going out (which is very rarely)! He just says ''yeah well I had things to do'' and expects that to be enough? He gets extremely jelous if I have friends and as it was my 21st birthday recently one of my friends has a really cute t shirt made for me and he got really jelous and started saying I had got it off another guy which he does all the time! He goes out with his friends, does what he wants when he wants and I don't have a problem with it, but anything I do I get accused of cheating! This is why around 9 months ago we had a big fall out and I told him it was over and he harrassed me none stop for about 2 months until I took him back, he is aggressive towards me and threatens me that if he finds out I'm seeing someone else that he basically doesn't have a problem hitting me, and I am constantly being watched and judged by him about this subject! We don't agree on anything and I find his views very narrow minded and immature, we never do anything together or go out together and I don't enjoy being around him anymore but I feel like I can't leave him! I try and tell him how I feel and he either gets angry or gets upset and just makes out its my fault for starting the argument/discussion in the first place or says ''well you just don't like me anyway so what can I say''! I try to talk to him as an adult but he always gives me comments like that and plays the victim! He says he loves me so much but he doesn't seem to care or realise that his actions and words are very different! He never makes an effort to do things with me or ask what I think or feel about anything and all he ever talks about is himself, I don't feel like I'm in a relationship and I don't even feel as if I have a boyfriend anymore because everything I do, I do alone or with friends because he is never around or interested.... As I said I do love him but I don't even feel like I can leave because he is very controlling, I just don't know what to do for the best because when he starts getting upset it does make me feel guilty...... I'm sorry this is such a long post I just really need some advice on where to go from here
Sivok Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 You are young and this sounds like the epitome of an abusive relationship. Has he always acted this jealous? If you guys barely hang out and he's acting this way, do not be surprised if he has someone else on the side. As a guy, if my mind starts wandering outside the relationship, I start getting suspicious of my gf as well
Sivok Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Oh, and to answer your question more directly: With the little I know about the situation and going strictly off of your comment yes, you should leave your BF and not accept him back.
Author Soni Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 He has always been jelous but when I was younger I avoided it by not having friends, by not talking to people he wouldn't agree with (or should I say anyone who is male) but as I get older I want to do more and am branching out into the world more and he is getting more jelous and controlling as a result of that but he has always been like this! And I do see him probably 3 times a week? sometimes a little more sometimes less, and I have thought that maybe he is blaming me because he is up to no good but then the things he says are like he is an angel and I am really bad and he loves me so much how could I do that to him (not that I've done anything to him) thats just the way he behaves
Sivok Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 You aren't his pet. If he gets jealous because you have friends, that's too bad for him. The sweet nothings he tells you are things he knows you want to hear, but what good are those words when his actions completely contradict everything he says? He wants to be your entire life, not just compliment it. I think you need to sit him down and really confront him about his behavior as well as stating your desire to form your own life/branch out.
Author Soni Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 I try and talk to him all the time but nothing ever changes or it just makes things worse, I get made to feel like the wicked witch of the west and that he doesn't do anything wrong but he doesn't seem to realise or care that I'm really unhappy, I have said I want to do things with my life not just sit around letting everything pass me by but he either gets jelous, annoyed, controlling, upset or all of the above! He doesn't want to do anything together but doesn't want me to do anything without him
Sivok Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 It sounds like you know what to do hun... He's holding you back and making you miserable. My advice is to take control of your life and move on.. He's clearly not listening to you, and you have no need to stay in an abusive relationship like that.
Confusedalways Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I'm sorry , this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. I most certainly wouldn't tolerate this type of behavior, and if this is a constant thing I would definitely break it off.
phineas Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 wait, 5 yrs? that would make a 22yr old messing around with a 16yr old? Sounds like he just wants someone to control. You almost got away from him but took him back. Get away from him. He does what he wants but wont let you do anything? What's the point of being with someone like that? Are you going to marry him some day? He isn't going to change either.
Krytie TV Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 All of these are reasons why when he was 22 he chose to date a 16 year-old. You were supposedly (right or not) not used goods, he didn't have to worry about a long dating history (and subsequent jealousy), you were naive and easy to control, and you had little power emotionally or financially compared to him. How's that working out for you? BTW, if I was your father at that time I would have kicked the guy's ass and had a restraining order against him.
Author Soni Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 well we have talked about getting married and that idea used to make me happy but now it fills me with a feeling of dread that I might be in a situation that I can't get out of! He also moans constantly that I don't ever want to kiss him and stuff but he doesn't seem to get that if I'm not happy and we argue all the time why would I want to get intimate with him?
Krytie TV Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 If you want anything resembling a positive romantic life, you WILL have to do something that is uncomfortable. The question is how many more years are you willing to waste?
sally4sara Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 You're going to get smacked around if you marry this one. He will only feel more entitled to getting his way and controlling you.
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 If you want anything resembling a positive life, you WILL have to do something that is uncomfortable. The question is how many more years are you willing to waste? I removed the word "romantic" and noticed how it fits ALL aspects of life... Good job, Krytikins.
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