DadofTwoGirls Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Okay...how long is this freaking emotional rollercoaster ride going to last?..one day you're happy the next you're in a whirlwind...I'm ready to get off it but it never stops!!!!...and all the while she's standing there watching.
sotagoon Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 (edited) Well........All I can tell you is it comes down to (2) things...I think: 1.) The amount of "FIGHT" you have in you...ie...fight to make it work. This is directly related to how long "you" let it be a "RIDE"....or just run out of pure will or 2.) The amount of time that there is some kind of attachement...ie...kids, required seperation time....etc. I have been on it for 6 months now, and I saw something the other day that I think has finally cut the head off the monster I would call my battle. I think I have finally figured out that...as my friend Mike says, "You can't run the Teeter-Totter by yourself." I have been fighting to make this work for a long-long time, and now I have run out of energy and purpose. I feel for you like you can't believe. I don't know what to do to help you, because although so many people here gave/give great advice.....it's only up to you to take heed and live it. I'm not in any good place right now, but I have stopped jumping up to allow the Teeter to Totter. Edited May 19, 2010 by sotagoon
Author DadofTwoGirls Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 I know what you mean...ours was a 75/25 marriage the last 5 yrs...she giving 75 me 25...and she has said all the 'right' things since our separation and even though my head knows it(that she's going another direction) my heart refuses to believe it..could be because of the kids...I don't know..but there are some things that make me wonder like why she moved a block from my place of employment or is always asking my girls "what did your dad do?" or "what was he doing?" after I drop them off...she tells me she is happy right now and I am glad for that but when she says 'I need to change' that usually means 'judging from others in these forums' there is someone else...I can't even blame her if there is..of course she insist there isn't and tells me 'you wish that was the reason so you wouldn't feel so guilty'..'you meaning I'..I guess maybe after 6 mos as it has really only been 1 1/2 mos of actually living apart I will understand.
wish2b Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I am sorry, I don't know your story. Can I ask what it is she wants to change in you?
sotagoon Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 More to what I wrote......it takes two to make it work, both while married/together and after a separation/divorce. If both people are NOT trying to make it work (Checked out...given up..etc) then it is going NOWHERE. In my case....I did my best to work on ME when she left the first two times. (YEAH...I SAID "TWICE" BEFORE...go ahead....fire away on this one) She came back after varying time away....telling me that it was all about me changing. Although I believed that THEN.....I know that I had changing to do and so did she....even if it was just to be a little more accepting and not so critical. (No abuse or cheating on my part....just over working myself to support both of us and in turn going from being the fun guy I have always been, to a tired and grumpy guy.) She didn't change at all...and I think that even though I DID.....over time, I reverted back to being that way because I felt like I was the only one working at it. So THERE......not only do TWO people have to work TOGETHER to make it work while in the midst......but also, in order for the relationship/marriage to be put back together.....both must invest in WANTING to make it work. Not like me......all fight and the no end to the opposition. Sorry man.....I want to make you fell better....GOD, I wish someone could bring US back...but it isn't a light switch.....it's work!
Author DadofTwoGirls Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 In me changing I'm pretty sure she means she wants me to not jump of the handle when I don't get my way:o...To stop ignoring her and listen when she talks to me..to show her appreciation for everything she did instead of taking her for granted..only those little relationship killers I mentioned..you see, she tried to get through to me for a couple of years..I mean really tried now that I look back on it..I would not have lasted as long as she did if the roles were reversed..it sucks how I see how I was,but I see now after the fact..and when people say don't beat myself up..it sucks because 'I know how I was'..hey I think I had a breakthrough..I blew it and that is what I have a tough time accepting.
heartbrokensj Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 In me changing I'm pretty sure she means she wants me to not jump of the handle when I don't get my way:o...To stop ignoring her and listen when she talks to me..to show her appreciation for everything she did instead of taking her for granted..only those little relationship killers I mentioned..you see, she tried to get through to me for a couple of years..I mean really tried now that I look back on it..I would not have lasted as long as she did if the roles were reversed..it sucks how I see how I was,but I see now after the fact..and when people say don't beat myself up..it sucks because 'I know how I was'..hey I think I had a breakthrough..I blew it and that is what I have a tough time accepting. Dadoftwogirls, this is how my husband treated me everytime we had our disagreements. Maybe you should let her know about this breakthrough of yours and this may help you heal faster and make you feel better somehow.
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