wish2b Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Hello. I am new here and this is my first post. I hope I don't get too lengthy with this. First, I am female and my best friend is male. He told me a week ago that he and his wife are seperating. He won't give me details or tell me what is going on. He also told me that he needs space and I need to take a step back. I know that he has not always been faithful to her and that might be playing a part in this. He is a WONDERFUL father and handles EVERYTHING in the marriage. From the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, everything. He puts on this front that his wife and life are perfect. Even to me. I have been in his life for about 5 and 1/2 years. Here is the problem. I am divorced. I seperated about 3 years ago after 18 years of marriage. It was hard, but it was something I needed in my life to be happy. I don't regret it one bit. I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it. I had no choice. He is not handling this well at all. He is pulling away and I am afraid for him. I know that it is a totally different situation. He loves his children and the thought of not being there when they go to sleep is probably killing him. There is no doubt in my mind. I am not blind to this. He has decided to withdraw from all of his coaching and volunteer work. He says it is so that he can dedicate all his time to his children. He will have them every other week in joint custody situation. But he is losing himself. It is killing me to watch him. He is becoming depressed and has doesn't want to be around anyone. I had a phone call from another friend of his that is worried about him and doesn't have a clue what is going on. I didn't feel it was my place to tell him. My friend is a very private person. I don't know how to help him. I don't know whether I should continue to call him every morning as I have for a long time. I don't know whether to act normal and joke and laugh as if it isn't happening. I don't know whether to try to get him to talk to me. I just don't know what to do. I am truly concerned about his well being. But I am also worried about losing him in my life due to all that he is going through. Please tell me what a man really needs from a friend when he is dealing with this.
just_some_guy Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 He told you what he needed from you. You need to respect that, let him decide what he needs and allow him that. Just say, "I understand and I'll give you the time and space you need." If you're just friends, that should be just right.
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