lovingagain Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 How did your MM/MW react when you told them you were getting a divorce. Was it a total freak out or did they cool it for a bit? How did you handle it? I guess a lot of MM/MW might feel that you expect them to do the same and feel pressure, even if you don't ask?
naturegirl Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Lovingagain-- Can you elaborate on your question--give some context so that we can respond and try to help.
naturegirl Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I just re-read your post. I think you are saying that you are married and having an affair with a mm/mw and YOU chose to end your marriage and shared that with the person you were having an affair with. Am I tracking?
LadyDi Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Just in my situation, at one point my H & I were going to seperate, MM freaked and went dark on me for over a week. (Thanks for the support there Pal) later on down the road when he and his W sperated, I was there to support any decision he came up with and listened to him talk it thru over and over again. It can go either way, but the way they handle it speaks volumes, doesn't it?
Fallen Angel Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 My sweetheart was supportive of any decision I made in that regard. He was my sounding board when I was angry. He was my shoulder when I felt sad and he was my strength when I felt weak and incapable. He helped me with some of the paperwork. He took me to lunch to help me unwind after several of the hearings. He came to me and held me when things did not happen as I had originally anticipated. He is my companion in all that happens in my life, this was just one of them.
Author lovingagain Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 I just re-read your post. I think you are saying that you are married and having an affair with a mm/mw and YOU chose to end your marriage and shared that with the person you were having an affair with. Am I tracking? yeah pretty much, just wondered if it was normal for them to sort of freak a bit. Can't stay in a marriage when I love someone else. I fell out of love with H long before MM.
Author lovingagain Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 My sweetheart was supportive of any decision I made in that regard. He was my sounding board when I was angry. He was my shoulder when I felt sad and he was my strength when I felt weak and incapable. He helped me with some of the paperwork. He took me to lunch to help me unwind after several of the hearings. He came to me and held me when things did not happen as I had originally anticipated. He is my companion in all that happens in my life, this was just one of them. Did he at any time assume that you expected him to do the same or did you not talk about that FA?
Author lovingagain Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 Just in my situation, at one point my H & I were going to seperate, MM freaked and went dark on me for over a week. (Thanks for the support there Pal) later on down the road when he and his W sperated, I was there to support any decision he came up with and listened to him talk it thru over and over again. It can go either way, but the way they handle it speaks volumes, doesn't it? Yes but I really did not expect MM to go get all upset and nervous over it. Said he would be there for me as friend would, but guess what, he isn't. He has not called in five days. We have an arrangement to meet later this week but I would at least have expected him to see how I was. Lady Di, when you say went dark, do you mean he did not phone you or talk to you about it?
Fallen Angel Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Did he at any time assume that you expected him to do the same or did you not talk about that FA? We have spoken about it and we understood that divorce was what I needed at the time, but he is not yet in a place where he feels he is able to do that. We had very different maritial experiences. My marriage was very mentally and physically abusive, and was a dangerous place for me. His is not. I got to take my children with me. He would likely not be able to. My children are much younger than his and getting out as quickly as possible is what was best for me and my children. His youngest child is almost grown and sticking it out a bit longer is what is best for him and his child. I did not expect him to divorce simply because I did. He never once wavered in his support of me and my decisions. We sat down and discussed all the options available to us. We did speak about him divorcing, but I never pressured him to do so. He knows that ultimately that is what I wish for, but he also knows that I understand the differences in our circumstances and that I support his decisions. He has to do what is in the best interest of himself and his child, just as I had to do what was in the best interest of me and my children. I would suggest that you speak with your MM about what you do and do not expect from him. Openness and honesty is the only way a relationship like this will ever survive to possibly become more. Be honest with him about your expectaions of him. If you expect support and do not feel that he is giving it, then tell him that. Do not accept less than you deserve. You want and need his support and if he is not willing to provide that then maybe you should reevaluate your relationship with him. Good luck to you.
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