Lakeside_runner Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Here's I think a sort of an interesting problem that I'm curious to find out peoples opinion about. It was inspired by someone's thread here about a girl from South America who was trying to learn English. So imagine you met someone who is not a native speaker of your language. They seem to be nice and you hit it off, things are going well. Of course dating is a lot about talking to each other! At the beginning the whole "language barrier" may be even fun but do you expect something more at some point? So, questions: #1 Do the language skills become more and more important as the relationship develops? i.e. a serious relationship requires very good (near perfect) communication skills in one of the languages? #2 Can that be a turn-off, like "Oh, he's cute and we have a good time but what if something happens and he won't understand the legal lingo etc.". Like, dating is ok but marrying a non-native speaker is a totally different story... Regarding #1 - I think it is true. Past the infatuation phase people want to talk more and more and at some point hand-gestures aren't cute anymore. Regarding #2 - I've no clue!
flc Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Yes it would be a problem. My GF is from Peru her primary language is Spanish and she is very fluent in English. My Spanish is not very good and I am working on learning it. Even in this situation we have communication issues at times and then of course there are some cultural differences that come into play. Add to this that when we go out to her friends or family most people are speaking Spanish just naturally so you have to be comfortable being in situations where everyone is speaking and you are somewhat left out.
Green Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I think if you are dating a foreigner ... in the short term it can just be a kissing and sex thing.... but as time passes you have to make an effor to connect on a deeper level which could include learning each others languages...
Jilly Bean Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 It's very tough to move a relationship forward like this. I had an affair with a guy who was from Italy, and spoke very little English. We both spoke French, but even that wasn't like having a conversation in your native tongue, mainly because my French, though pretty decent, wasn't nearly as good as his. lol So, it petered out, because after a while, you just get tired of trying to communicate.
Els Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 For the life of me I can't even get how people are attracted to anyone without being able to communicate well with them. Not to mention deep, soul-baring conversations... you probably wouldn't even be able to get each other's jokes! I'm Asian but the language I'm most comfortable in is English - and frankly, I have never been attracted to any of my countrymen who couldn't speak decent English. It just strikes me as impossible - if I can't really talk to you, I won't truly know you, and if I don't know you, why would I even like you?
Taucher Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I am English and am currently dating (she's pretty much my gf but not quite, I think - it's early) a Colombian who lives near me in London. Her first language is Spanish. Her English is quite good but not great. My Spanish is non-existant. As a non native speaker, her English is very formal, so I have to make a conscious effort not to use too much slang as she doesnt understand, and then, if I do use slang, I have to explain. It's not really been a problem...apart from the humour. She is a funny girl and laughs alot, but our laughter is usually caused by misunderstanding - she understands words but not my accent. It can be pretty tiring at times. I consider myself to be a pretty funny guy but it's wasted on her really. Also, flc mentioned gatherings. Well, there are alot of Columbians in London, so I go out and they all speak Spanish all the time, sometimes while looking at me and laughing. It's sometimes a bit boring and hard not to feel a bit paranoid but it's all friendly. But...I love it. It's so interesting, the difference in culture and whatnot. But basically me and her are very similar. I love teaching her words and phrases that English people use all the time that she wouldnt be taught otherwise. And I love her cute accent! Also, I find that I have SO MUCH to talk about with this girl. More than with an English girl maybe...because of the differences and the fact she is fairly exotic to me and there is so much more to find out. On a side note, mis-communication is not always due to different languages. I have an American friend and she is sometimes lost in the conversation that me and our English friends have. But she has learnt alot and confusion happens rarely for her now. I have a Scottish friend, and I spend a lot of time not knowing what he is on about, both because I cannot undertsna dhis accent, the slang he uses and the cultural references are subtly different. T
caseinpoint Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 OMG. I thought I was the only one thinking that language and communication is that important. I don't want to be fastidious but even some accented English bothers me. So I'm "best" with native English speakers. I've dated non-native speakers and I got so tired of repeating myself and I don't miss the miscommunication.
bac Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 IMO If you date a foreigner, there are a lot of misunderstanding mostly because of different cultural backgrounds and less because of language. As result of the misunderstanding, you are both in some kind of fantasy world which is often better than reality. You do not rely on your negative dating experiences which you have had from dating people from your own culture. Because of the misunderstanding, sex is hotter and psychological conflict is almost impossible to achieve. Foreigners do not know what buttons to push to hurt you and if they want to hurt you, you would not even notice that because they would push wrong buttons.
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Well I dated a lad fresh off the boat from Ireland- does that count?
Author Lakeside_runner Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 Thanks for all your replies, guys. I had specifically only the language issue in mind. Cultural differences are a whole different story .
BubbleFreak Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 So, questions: #1 Do the language skills become more and more important as the relationship develops? i.e. a serious relationship requires very good (near perfect) communication skills in one of the languages? #2 Can that be a turn-off, like "Oh, he's cute and we have a good time but what if something happens and he won't understand the legal lingo etc.". Like, dating is ok but marrying a non-native speaker is a totally different story... 1. For me, language skills are extremely important from the get go. If I can't be myself and talk naturally with a guy, and he can't do the same with me because of language barriers, there would be no relationship to build on. A friendship is all he could hope for. 2. No dating = no marriage ofcourse.
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