bananaboat11 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I finally meet a girl I'm into... physically... intellectually... emotionally... and of course.. she's jewish, but she's of a different sect/ideology of judaism. ....of course this doesn't sit well with my parents. It isn't prejudiced. It's why black marries black. Asian marries Asian. Indian/Punjabi marries Indian/Punjabi.... So yeah... Been with this girl almost a month now... and she's falling for me and I really like her. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh this is just a venting thread. not really looking for advice. I love my parents and their ideals. I do not want/wish to disrespect them. Ever. ugh.
Krytie TV Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Easy for me to say, but as long as you live by your parents' standards, you have little sympathy from me. If you want to be happy only you can make that decision. Besides, very few women like "momma's boys".
Ruby Slippers Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Until you can stand on your own two feet as an adult, you're not ready for an adult relationship, anyway. Some people never are.
JustJoe Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Dude, it's your life, not your parents. You should be respectful, yes, obedient, no. If you are an adult, make a decision based upon what's best for you and your future. I've a hunch that your parents will learn to like her. Parents do that, yes, they do!
JamesM Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 It is not religion that is the problem. It is the incompatibility of beliefs that is the problem...or could be the problem. As a parent but with no children old enough to marry quite yet, my guess is that your parents do have your best interest in mind. Having been around longer, they may have seen many relationships where such major differences has caused divorces to occur. Can incompatibility in beliefs or religion become long and happy relationships? Absolutely. Do the majority last? No. As for different nationalities or cultures or races, this can be an issue if each is not willing to learn how the other views life. This is also the way it is with religion. Having dated women who had different religions than I and having married one who believes very similarly to me, I can say that it does make life much easier if the person you choose to walk your life with and make a family with believes very similarly to you. While I do believe you should live your own life, rebelling against your parents simply because you don't think they know what is good for you actually shows more immaturity than maturity IMO. Examine what they say and see if there is merit to it. Understand why they say what they say and see if it may be wise instruction. And in the end choose what is good for your life...not necessarily what you want at this moment. Listening to the advice of your parents does not make you a "momma's boy." Ignoring the advice of the people who do have your best interests at heart may actually be detrimental to your future. You are old enough to choose (I think), but you (nor I) are never too old to listen to the advice of your parents.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 It is not religion that is the problem. It is the incompatibility of beliefs that is the problem...or could be the problem. It's too early to tell if this is a problem, and the OP is the only person to make that call. I have a few Jewish friends, and they tend to be very secular, anyway. My closest Jewish friend is an atheist, but she participates in the rituals to spend time with family and so on.
DustySaltus Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Banana, is she reformed and you're conservative? That can be worked out.
make me believe Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Meh. You're making the choice to let your parents run your life, so you really can't complain about it. Next time, if religion is such a dealbreaker for you, find out right away what religion the girl is.
tigressA Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Meh. You're making the choice to let your parents run your life, so you really can't complain about it. Next time, if religion is such a dealbreaker for you, find out right away what religion the girl is. I second this.
sagetalk Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 If I had a son and he wanted to marry outside the family religion, I would be extremely hurt. It would be a life changing event and I would be ashamed. It would not only show that he is disregarding my desires, but it also shows a devaluing of his beliefs by choosing someone who doesn't believe as he does. In your situation, I really don't know. I know very little about the Jewish religion, but if she is Jewish, then that seems to be a much smaller issue. Religion makes dating much more difficult, but if it is important to you, do not neglect it. Things in life come and go, but the only constants will ever be you and God.
witabix Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I have had a lot of dealings with Jewish people, mainly Israelis, and I know how important parents are to their children in that culture. Its no joke to be marrying outside your faith. You have a hard time ahead of you, I am sure I don't need to tell you how hard minded the Jewish people have become over the centuries. That is how they have survived, retained their language, faith and a homeland. Don't mess with a Jewish mothers kids, or she'll mess with you. The separation of the constituent parts of Judaism has left deep divides between them. He can't tell his parents to go away, its very difficult to turn your back on your parents and I believe that is especially so as a Jew. If you could get a Rabbi on your side it may ease the pain, give you some support. How are her parents handling it? Maybe they can lead the way in acceptance?
SilentVoice Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I am seeing a Jewish guy right now.. I understand how hard it can be.. We both understand we can never be together... I am black atheist ... His parents will probably stone him to death. I am sorry I can't provide you an answer but I do understand.
Disillusioned Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 What some of you other folks don't seem to understand is, a strict religious family can be very tough to deal with, if you decide that way of life just isn't for you. They're likely to think you're rejecting them, not the trappings of a religious upbringing. It doesn't just happen in observant Jewish families either. My best friend was brought up Catholic and in the last ten years or so, he turned very bitter toward the Church because of what he says is its unwillingness to change with the times, and the hypocrisy of some of the priests... but his mother is still Catholic, and he loves her very much and is helping to care for her, now that she can't get around so well anymore. Besides, don't you think it's at all possible for someone to be "good" without using religion as a crutch? I don't drink, smoke, gamble, use dope, swindle people out of money, or have sex with anyone, but I'm not religious, because I don't think being religious will improve my quality of life. So... does that make me a bad person? That's not for me to decide.
alphamale Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 ....of course this doesn't sit well with my parents. i guess your parents don't want jewish grand children of a different sect
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I am sooo happy my parents are supportive of the choices I make, regardless of whether or not it jives with the path they envision for me. I know that the only reason my parents would be unhappy with my relationship choice is if the person treated me badly. "If they treat you right, and make you happy, that makes us happy". My parents have said this in different variations throughout my life with regard to jobs, school, dating, marriage, etc. I am very lucky to have parents that love and trust me enough to let me be my own person. My parents are smart enough, and cultured enough to judge people on their own merit and track record - not over whether or not jesus is their saviour or not. Such a requirement isn't even on their list, regardless of the fact that my mother has some strong religious convictions. The people that love you should want you to be happy. I think it's shameful your parents would even consider making this an issue.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 ^ D-Lish, I am very happy for you that you have such evolved, supportive parents. Unfortunately, very few parents get to that level as human beings. Most parents use their kids as extensions and support of their own ego, to varying degrees. They are so out of touch with their own being that they need to have it constantly validated and propped up by their children's choices and actions. But the only way to put an end to that nonsense is not to let them manipulate you in that way.
bac Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I finally meet a girl I'm into... physically... intellectually... emotionally... and of course.. she's jewish, but she's of a different sect/ideology of judaism. ....of course this doesn't sit well with my parents. It isn't prejudiced. It's why black marries black. Asian marries Asian. Indian/Punjabi marries Indian/Punjabi.... So yeah... Been with this girl almost a month now... and she's falling for me and I really like her. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh this is just a venting thread. not really looking for advice. I love my parents and their ideals. I do not want/wish to disrespect them. Ever. ugh. do you have your own religious beliefs? does she has her own religious beliefs? probably, your personal beliefs are more important than your parents.
stellaluna Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Reading this post made me want to sign up. In this day and age, it astounds me that anyone with an ounce of intelligence would give any credence to religion. When people start talking of god I glaze over, they lose all of my respect immediately. To give up the love of your life over some ancient construction that shouldn't have any more weight than the belief of a tooth fairy is downright silly.
impz Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 ^ D-Lish, I am very happy for you that you have such evolved, supportive parents. Unfortunately, very few parents get to that level as human beings. Most parents use their kids as extensions and support of their own ego, to varying degrees. They are so out of touch with their own being that they need to have it constantly validated and propped up by their children's choices and actions. But the only way to put an end to that nonsense is not to let them manipulate you in that way. I guess all parents sometimes just think that they want the best of their children, and it can be seen as meddlesome or even as extensions and support of their own ego (it's a fine line between caring and feeding the ego). I also thank god that I have parents who are liberal enough to accept me and my wife when we were in a long distance relationship 14000 miles apart, with a different religion and race, and eventually marrying my wife this year. I can imagine the amount of from typical parents who would immediately shut me down on this r/s . I do have to say though, some religions are much harder to compromise than others. It is true to some extent that religion can make or break any relationship at the start. If your likely partner is a staunch believer of certain religions, it's better to avoid immediately if you are not going to convert.
witabix Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Reading this post made me want to sign up. In this day and age, it astounds me that anyone with an ounce of intelligence would give any credence to religion. When people start talking of god I glaze over, they lose all of my respect immediately. To give up the love of your life over some ancient construction that shouldn't have any more weight than the belief of a tooth fairy is downright silly. Whereas I agree with the direction of this post, except for the loss of respect bit, my knowledge of Judaism, Israelis, and history shows me that Judaism is more than just a religion. It is a deeply ingrained culture and way of life. The fact that I do not believe in a deity or deities does not stop me respecting the beliefs and cultures that those religious beliefs underpin. As for the lack of intelligence that those people display, what about Isaac Newton, he was no dummy and he was a religious believer. It is simply not fair to label people who have faith in something that I do not as stupid. The OP is struggling with a real issue. Whether those that read this or not believe in his faith, another faith, or no faith at all.
St. Nick Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 The OP's post was a vent post. I highly doubt a few words of encouragement from anonymous people on the internet is going to give him the balls to stand up to his folks. So there's no need to hurt our heads over it.
JamesM Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Reading this post made me want to sign up. In this day and age, it astounds me that anyone with an ounce of intelligence would give any credence to religion. When people start talking of god I glaze over, they lose all of my respect immediately. Then prepare to glaze over. Two things showed me that you could do some research into GOD and religion. One, many many intelligent people believe in God and see that there is evidence to at least consider that God does exist. However, the discussion here is about two people living together who have widely differing beliefs about God and how to worship Him. Second, losing respect for someone who has a differing opinion says more about you than them. We have many many opinions about religion and life. Disrespecting someone who has intelligently reached a different conclusion does not allow for the fact that you may be wrong. Personally as a theist, I cannot ignore the points brought up by such atheists as Dawkins, Hitchens and the like. While I may disagree and believe that they are wrong, I do not disrespect them for their choice. (I simply hope they "see the light." ) (BTW, correct grammatical rules do say that God is capitalized. This has nothing to do with whether someone believes he exists or not. ) To give up the love of your life over some ancient construction that shouldn't have any more weight than the belief of a tooth fairy is downright silly. This statement actually portrays why bananaboat11's parents may have doubts about this relationship. Loving someone while disrespecting his or her beliefs will lead to an incompatible relationship and potentially long term disaster. Choosing a partner who has big differences of religious beliefs will affect many areas of life from daily conversations to the raising of children. We choose to love whom we want. And if we continue along with someone who we will disrespect, then we can expect to lose the love that we once had for that person.
sagetalk Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 To give up the love of your life over some ancient construction that shouldn't have any more weight than the belief of a tooth fairy is downright silly. This one sentence has so much fail in it I don't even want to waste my time ripping it into pieces .
Dolos Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 (edited) I finally meet a girl I'm into... physically... intellectually... emotionally... and of course.. she's jewish, but she's of a different sect/ideology of judaism. ....of course this doesn't sit well with my parents. It isn't prejudiced. It's why black marries black. Asian marries Asian. Indian/Punjabi marries Indian/Punjabi.... So yeah... Been with this girl almost a month now... and she's falling for me and I really like her. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh this is just a venting thread. not really looking for advice. I love my parents and their ideals. I do not want/wish to disrespect them. Ever. ugh. I'm guessing your parents are of the orthodox variety? I live in a pretty Jewish neighborhood and Ive yet to meet a reasonable orthodox one, though most of the other sects seem a lot more tolerant than most religious people. Also, to be honest i think your parents actions are the definition of prejudice. It doesn't really matter what your parents think, it matters what you think, and that includes how you feel about what they think of you. If their approval is more important to you than this girl then you should probably just drop her rather than leading her on. Though why the approval of people who put their beliefs ahead of your happiness is so important to you is beyond me. What really matters is whether you can respect her beliefs and vice versa. I really feel for you, its a tough situation for anyone to be in. Edited May 21, 2010 by Dolos
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