AmberJ Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Alright, I've been going out with a guy for about 2 months now. Occasionally he'll get my phone and look through it a bit. I don't care that he does this, I only text about 5-6 different people and they're all girl friends or co-workers. So him reading these isn't a big deal to me. I've never tried to look through his phone until last night. He was looking at mine so I took his and playfully said something about how it was my turn. Playfully back, he took it from me and deleted everything from his inbox and outbox and just kinda laughed it off. I'm not the kind of person to snoop. I didn't really even want to read his texts and more than likely would have stopped after the first few, because I've never felt the need to check up on him or anything. He noticed that I got a little uneasy about what he did, but he assured me there was nothing on it and he was just being silly. I don't know what to think. I never thought he would be doing anything unfaithful or illegal or anything that I definitely shouldn't find out about. I want to believe he was just being funny by not letting me have a turn, but I can't get it out of my head that there was something really really bad on there. I'm afraid to bring it up again, because I don't want to come off as insecure or like I can't trust him. And I don't want to look through it another day without his consent... what should I do?
callalilly Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 You are right that it's a potential red flag, particularly when coupled with his behavior of always wanting to check your texts. I would snoop when you get the opportunity. I know that many will disagree, but that may be the only way you'll find out the truth.
sally4sara Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I too am very much against snooping. I'd have just dropped him when this happened because his actions tell you there is something he doesn't want you to know and he has no regard for your right to privacy. It isn't about you not caring if he knows your conversations. It is that he reads them and then did not reciprocate. From this you know YOU KNOW (or you wouldn't be posting about it), he has cheating on the brain. He feels it is likely out of you. And why not, it is common to suspect out of others what you do yourself. And he has things going on you would be upset about if you knew. That is why he deleted his texts. You don't need to snoop on him; YOU ALREADY KNOW. You can do better than this guy. He is triflin and rude.
BeautifulMan Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 dump him, he's doing something wrong and is assuming you're also doing something wrong which is the reason he's checking your text.
Ihavenoidea Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Phones always seem to be a touchy subject. I hated the term "going through" because thats what my ex would say and i wouldnt "go through" her phone, but I might have read a text or two but thats it. I didnt care who she talked to I was just curious how she acted when i wasnt around and how her friends talked to her, guy or girl i didnt care. For me it was just something to learn about her. She took it so personal and we got into numerous fights about it. I look at it like this, its a phone, if you have something to hide then you are doing something wrong. Why do people always tell others to dump him or her, geez communicate first then decide what to do. People come here for advic and support
Arasae Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 The amount of trust given to you is the amount that the person himself can be trusted. If he's going through your phone, it means one of two things: either he, himself, is sending texts that would make you unhappy to people, or he's thinking about doing so. Either way, I say you start walking, fast, away from this guy. People expect others to act the way that they themselves act, based on their own moral code; he's showing you that he can't be trusted. He's not worth your time, in my humble opinion.
Ihavenoidea Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 (edited) The amount of trust given to you is the amount that the person himself can be trusted. If he's going through your phone, it means one of two things: either he, himself, is sending texts that would make you unhappy to people, or he's thinking about doing so. Either way, I say you start walking, fast, away from this guy. People expect others to act the way that they themselves act, based on their own moral code; he's showing you that he can't be trusted. He's not worth your time, in my humble opinion. I dont know who these "people" are but I dont know anyone in my life that expects others to act the way they are. I have to disagree based on my personal experience. I have distrusted women in the past and have never done a single thing to be untrustworthy. My best friend has more integrity than half the people on this planet combined and he started snooping around and checking phones and email and his wife made him feel like **** for doing it. A Month later she forgot to delete the email to her co-worker making plans to meet at a hotel. People will do what they want to do, how they act around you might not mean a thing about what is actually going on. He might just be playing around who knows Edited May 19, 2010 by Ihavenoidea
sally4sara Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I have to disagree based on my personal experience. I have distrusted women in the past and have never done a single thing to be untrustworthy. My best friend has more integrity than half the people on this planet combined and he started snooping around and checking phones and email and his wife made him feel like **** for doing it. A Month later she forgot to delete the email to her co-worker making plans to meet at a hotel. People will do what they want to do, how they act around you might not mean a thing about what is actually going on. He might just be playing around who knows Ahh yes, but he probably sensed something amiss to motivate the need to look. And likely would have let her look thru his correspondence openly. Big difference.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 dump him, he's doing something wrong and is assuming you're also doing something wrong which is the reason he's checking your text. +1 A trusting and trustworthy person with nothing to hide would not feel a need to go through your phone. And he certainly wouldn't delete his own texting history. He definitely has something to hide. He's playing "silly" to try to make you look like the paranoid one.
make me believe Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 The amount of trust given to you is the amount that the person himself can be trusted. If he's going through your phone, it means one of two things: either he, himself, is sending texts that would make you unhappy to people, or he's thinking about doing so. Either way, I say you start walking, fast, away from this guy. People expect others to act the way that they themselves act, based on their own moral code; he's showing you that he can't be trusted. He's not worth your time, in my humble opinion. I agree! Especially with your first line. I think that's great advice. Amber, the ONLY time I've ever had a problem with a bf going through my phone was with my ex........when I actually WAS doing shady things behind his back. And I'd do exactly what your bf did -- "jokingly" grab the phone from him & delete everything before he could see it. When he protested, I would laugh it off and, as Ruby Slippers said, "play silly" to make it look like he was just paranoid. I'm not proud of this behavior at all, and I see it as a huge red flag that your bf is doing it.
Crazy Magnet Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Oh I've been down this road. My exH was constantly prowling through my phone, my email, my every last object for communication. Why? Oh, b/c he was a cheating, lying, scumbag. He was so paranoid about his own behaviors that he felt the need to obsessively check on mine. Too bad I was leading a normal committed wifely life and he never found anything. He once tried to turn a list of potential grad schools I had written on an envelope as evidence that I was planning to run away to one of these places with another man. Sheesh! Dump him. Move on. This has disaster written all over it. If there was truly nothing on his phone that you couldn't see he wouldn't have deleted it.
Author AmberJ Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 Man, i feel sick to my stomach. Thanks for all the replies though. I'll talk to him about it later. -.-
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Alright, I've been going out with a guy for about 2 months now. Occasionally he'll get my phone and look through it a bit. I don't care that he does this, I only text about 5-6 different people and they're all girl friends or co-workers. So him reading these isn't a big deal to me. I've never tried to look through his phone until last night. He was looking at mine so I took his and playfully said something about how it was my turn. Playfully back, he took it from me and deleted everything from his inbox and outbox and just kinda laughed it off. I'm not the kind of person to snoop. I didn't really even want to read his texts and more than likely would have stopped after the first few, because I've never felt the need to check up on him or anything. He noticed that I got a little uneasy about what he did, but he assured me there was nothing on it and he was just being silly. I don't know what to think. I never thought he would be doing anything unfaithful or illegal or anything that I definitely shouldn't find out about. I want to believe he was just being funny by not letting me have a turn, but I can't get it out of my head that there was something really really bad on there. I'm afraid to bring it up again, because I don't want to come off as insecure or like I can't trust him. And I don't want to look through it another day without his consent... what should I do? He definitely has something to hide with regard to those now-deleted texts. If you are socially mobile and someone who gets lots of social attention you should just push the "next guy" button and drop this guy because he has something to hide. You don't want to wait around until you are deeply invested in him only to learn the detailed specifics of exactly what he has a tendency to hide, so if you are socially active then just upgrade at once.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 i think he is deffinately talking to another girl, otherwise he would have absolutely no reason to delete his texts, take his phone back ok but he only deleted them because he had something to hide (yet he feels free to look thorugh your texts...)
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