no contact or not to get a second chance

[fedupfeelinglikethis]

hi just want some advice of woman who have ended there relationships. if you where to give your ex a second chance what would make you do it? me and my ex where together for 2 years and she ended it 3 months ago, the first month i was calling and emailing alot she got really annoyed and told me not to get in touch any more. had no contact for a month then told her i still loved her, she said thanks but no thanks. its been a month since then and i still cant get her out of my head. what do you girls think? should i keep up the no contact or should i give her a ring or send her some flowers to let her know im thinking of her? oh she's now with another guy think they have been seeing each other just over a month.

 

thanks for any advice

[Arabella]

Talking from my own experience, when a woman ends a relationship, chances are she has already given the guy a million chances and then some... even if she did not expressly state so.

 

I ended a five year long relationship. I spent well over a year coming to terms with this decision before I finally did it. Nothing would have made me give him a second chance once the decision was made, though.

 

My advice to you is to leave her alone. She has moved on, and you need to let her go and begin to heal. Go no contact for both your sakes.

 

Best of luck,

 

Arabella

[TaraMaiden]

fedup, basically, you have to get the message and let it go.

 

She's already told you - more than once - to drop it. 'Thanks but no thanks' means exactly what it says.

 

"Please leave me alone and do not contact me any more. I am not interested, am getting on with my life and would suggest you do the same."

 

- Is what she's saying.

 

if she's with another guy - I promise you, trust me - she doesn't give a damn that you still think of her and care for her.

She does not feel the same way about you.

 

Trying to get back with her - is not working - and never will.

[fedupfeelinglikethis]

i am trying to move on, ive been doing everything i can to move on but i still end up thinking about her every day no matter what i do. and this whole thread is call reconcilliation and second chances, this thread wouldnt be here if people didnt get back together after a break up, if once some one had made that decision they never changed there mind. i have already been told to move on and forget about her and believe me i am doing everything i can to do that but when i end up thinking about her every day no matter what i do how can i just leave these thoughts dead in the water?

[DustySaltus]

i am trying to move on, ive been doing everything i can to move on but i still end up thinking about her every day no matter what i do. and this whole thread is call reconcilliation and second chances, this thread wouldnt be here if people didnt get back together after a break up, if once some one had made that decision they never changed there mind. i have already been told to move on and forget about her and believe me i am doing everything i can to do that but when i end up thinking about her every day no matter what i do how can i just leave these thoughts dead in the water?

 

 

People get back together all the time but it doesn't mean they are in a healthy relationship. Unless the problems that lead to the breakup are fixed and more importantly WILLING to be fixed by BOTH people a reconciliation is pointless. Why did you breakup and how old are you if you don't mind me asking?

[fedupfeelinglikethis]

heres my story all is explained there http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t231559/

[lullaby]

Talking from my own experience, when a woman ends a relationship, chances are she has already given the guy a million chances and then some... even if she did not expressly state so.

 

I ended a five year long relationship. I spent well over a year coming to terms with this decision before I finally did it. Nothing would have made me give him a second chance once the decision was made, though.

 

My advice to you is to leave her alone. She has moved on, and you need to let her go and begin to heal. Go no contact for both your sakes.

 

Best of luck,

 

Arabella

 

Yes, well said Arabella. The same happened to me. I think that when a woman ends it, it's because there is nothing left to do, at least, at that moment. I took a year to consider breaking up too.

My advice is to forget her. I'm sorry to say, because if she loved you, she would have appeared already. I know it's hard, but you have to do what's best for you. Don't think you'll do NC so she can sense the emptiness and call you. Do it for yourself. Believe me, been there with my ex and I only let time pass, working on myself, and now I'm in a reconnection process with him, but waters are clear, time passed, issues are solved and we're both much mature about how the relationship should be.

 

Hope it helps!!!!

[fedupfeelinglikethis]

yes she probably did give me a million chances to change ant the thing is i had it all planned out, after christmas i was going to sort myself out because i knew i had to for myself and her but i lost my grandad who i was very close to 2 days before christmas and it set me back, when she broke up with me i had never been so low before, and when she said she wanted a break 6 weeks later i changed imediatley. im a better person now to who i was then all round, im focused, im fit, stopped smoking cigerets and weed, my mind is focused again on my career. i just wish she had gave me a chance to show her this before she ended it completly. i am going to do the NC so i can continue to work on myself but the thing is because i am back to the way i was when we fell in love i know i could make her happy again if she would just give me that chance.

[Arabella]

I haven't read the full story on the other thread so I don't know why exactly she left you, however...

 

It might just be too late for her. If she is exhausted of the conflict that ended with her breaking up, it's possible she just doesn't feel the same way about you anymore.

 

Seriously, let her be. She has asked you to do so... if you don't, all you're doing is pushing her away even more.

 

Arabella

[USMCHokie]

me and my ex where together for 2 years and she ended it 3 months ago, the first month i was calling and emailing alot she got really annoyed and told me not to get in touch any more. had no contact for a month then told her i still loved her, she said thanks but no thanks. its been a month since then and i still cant get her out of my head. what do you girls think? should i keep up the no contact or should i give her a ring or send her some flowers to let her know im thinking of her? oh she's now with another guy think they have been seeing each other just over a month.

 

 

Ok...I know you're hurting right now, but ummm...you can't be serious...?

 

You really need to leave her alone...she doesn't need to know that you're still thinking about her...

 

"Thanks but no thanks" = her doing you a favor...she didn't sugarcoat it for you or make any ambiguous statements just to make you feel better...even if you could make her happy, it seems she is already happy without you...there is no need to hold onto this...because it's clearly evident she isn't holding onto it...

 

So please do yourself a favor...maintain NC and move on with your life...

[DustySaltus]

When a woman truly loves you they are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work until all options are exhausted. Most of the time when they FINALLY decide they had enough, it's almost always justifiable. The problem here is that most 24 year olds don't know what the true meaning of love really is....

[USMCHokie]

When a woman truly loves you they are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work until all options are exhausted. Most of the time when they FINALLY decide they had enough, it's almost always justifiable. The problem here is that most 24 year olds don't know what the true meaning of love really is....

 

Oh so true...oh so true...

[northstar1]

I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, but I think you need to accept it is over for good and move on.

 

Often people, particularly women, will analyze a relationship and ponder a breakup for weeks/months beforehand. They will talk to friends, family, etc and begin to do a checklist in their heads of what you are doing and not doing right. They may communicate this to you clearly, that they feel their needs are not being met, or they may not and you have to look for the subtle clues.

But, more often than not, when they get to the point they have made the decision to break up, they've already emotionally detached, while you are often left blindsided.

 

And when they detach, very little can bring them back. They may have waited until they were sure of it, or they may have had someone else on their radar in some cases before they jumped ship, but once they do - it's pretty much done.

 

I know it hurts, been there. But you need to keep NC. Don't send her a ring, or flowers or call her or email her. She's detached and seemingly over it. All it will do is either invoke irritation, or worse, pity. Sadly, the Notebook style endings rarely come true in life.

 

Stay NC, and focus on you.

[northstar1]

When a woman truly loves you they are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work until all options are exhausted. Most of the time when they FINALLY decide they had enough, it's almost always justifiable. The problem here is that most 24 year olds don't know what the true meaning of love really is....

 

 

True, unless they are emotionally immature and cannot see their own actions in the relationship, or just pull the chute at the first sign of trouble.

[wish2b]

Listen to what they are telling you. When a women decides it is over, they usually mean it. She has told you No Thanks. You need to concentrate on YOU. You say you have changed and you are doing all of these things differently. Did you do them for her or for yourself? If you did them for yourself then that is wonderful! Let yourself enjoy YOU.

 

If she doesn't want you, I promise you someone else will. Someone out there will see the good qualities in you.

 

NO CONTACT.......... You will be surprised how happy you can be if you make the decision to move on

[fedupfeelinglikethis]

i have accepted its over but as i said in my original post my thoughts just keep drifting back to her. and what i asked here is if she is ever going to come back would it be for me to keep in contact with her or have no contact. and every one saying when a woman says its over she means it well sorry but that isnt always true, you cant tell me you dont know of couples who break up and then get back together. 2 friends of mine who had been going out 7 years and living together for 5 recently broke up 2 months ago, her decision. i seen her last night and she was telling me how now she's doubting if she did the right thing and is thinking of asking if she can see him. i dont know if all you people being really negative think its going to help, its not. im not a fool i was just more in love with this girlthan i have ever been with any 1 else. and yes im moving on, yes im getting myself together for myself, yes im meeting new people and new girls. but at the end of the day my mind always drifts back to her.

[DustySaltus]

I think everyone here knows the feelings that you are going through. No one is trying to be negative here at all, we're being honest. Hope can be an extremely dangerous thing when used in the wrong way. Yes, people can come back but most of the time it's for their own selfish reasons. Maybe the person they were with was not who they thought they were, now they realize the grass wasn't greener. So then they come back to you for the WRONG reasons.

 

If they come back you want them to come back for the RIGHT reasons. You want them to come back because they realized they made a huge mistake and they need to admit that.

 

She quit on the relationship. There are two types of people in this world: runners and fighters. You either work things out or you run away from problems. She ran....people who truly love you run TOWARDS you not AWAY.

[wingman2]

My ex wasn't emotinally detached from me, she suffered just as much as I did which is why she came forward and said she missed me incredibly. She sort of just gave up prematurly aand she's even having a hard time in school about it. Is there a biig chance for me? Hope things go well for u fed, seems like she may have been detached from u and best for u to focus on urself and go through this with the attitude that she'll never come back but doesn't mean she won't. Truth is anything can happen but prepare for the worst that way if she comes back great but if not then you'll be fine with that too.