Arasae Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 So--superficial, I know, but still! I'm about to meet a fella from an online dating website. On the website itself, he is sexy personified; gorgeous blue eyes, strong chiseled jaw, stuff that makes me go goopy. However, we've friended each other on facebook, and while he doesn't have too many photos there of himself, several of the ones he DOES have are extremely unflattering. My question for y'all seeking love online, directed especially at men, is how hard do you try to get a couple of really, really good photos of yourself for your website? Do you try to take photos that actually look like you, or ones that are way better? How do you tell the truth in advertising online? Regardless of what this guy looks like, he's getting a date due to his awesome personality, but still. Attraction is important! =)
USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 My question for y'all seeking love online, directed especially at men, is how hard do you try to get a couple of really, really good photos of yourself for your website? Do you try to take photos that actually look like you, or ones that are way better? Of course we try to find the best, most flattering pictures of ourselves...sometimes people take that too far and post years old pictures before they got fat and ugly...it's an unfortunate truth that looks are what create the first and sometimes only impression in the online dating world, so of course you'd want to put your best foot forward, even if it isn't the most accurate foot... Having to deal with this "stretching of the truth" is just one of the inherent aspects of online dating...
Fouts Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 If I was doing that, I'd rather downplay my appearance if anything. That way when you do meet, they'll be pleasantly surprised at how good you really do look in person. The people who put up glam shots or that 1 in a million that made them look good are just begging for rejection. Hopefully he looks alright for you
Eeyore79 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I have tried online dating, and found that I get more responses if I use more attractive photos (as you might expect). If I get talking to someone I like, I'll gradually reveal some of the less attractive photos; they're fine with that because by then my personality has created additional attraction so my looks are less of an issue. I guess what I mean is, up front people only have your photos to go on and they tend to be very shallow, but once someone gets to know your personality they become less shallow about your looks. My ex looked nice in his online dating photos, so I agreed to meet him - he wasn't as hot as the photos suggested, but it mattered less because by then I had become invested in him and I valued him as a person. However if he had posted his bad photos up front I might not even have contacted him.
flc Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I agree with USMC, you want to put up pictures that show you in your best light but you also want to make sure that when the person meets you they recognize you so the pictures have to be representative. Really most of the women I met online dating looked better when I met them than they did in their pictures.
phineas Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 If I was doing that, I'd rather downplay my appearance if anything. That way when you do meet, they'll be pleasantly surprised at how good you really do look in person. The people who put up glam shots or that 1 in a million that made them look good are just begging for rejection. Hopefully he looks alright for you If I do online date i'll post a regular shot that shows my whole body. If they don't think i'm "hot" enough so be it. getting a date under false pretences is just a waste of time because unless your are REALLY smooth the lady is not coming back for a 2nd date once she gets a load of you.
Author Arasae Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 Hmm.. well, this guy has about six really sexy pictures, and six REALLY unfortunate pictures, and one that's like in the middle. Should I err on the side of him being sexy, or on him being really, really, really not? -.- I wish meeting people IRL were easier. Bah!
Knittress Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Cameras are a funny thing. Pictures often don't look a thing like the real person in the flesh. I think it has to do with our tendency to see people how we WANT to see them, or by how we feel about them.
FitChick Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 If I get talking to someone I like, I'll gradually reveal some of the less attractive photos; they're fine with that because by then my personality has created additional attraction so my looks are less of an issue. That's exactly what I do for the same reason. What I do if the guy is less than forthcoming about current photos but we are getting along really well, I'll ask him to take pictures of his local area. Some guys will then have photos of themselves in the foreground. If that doesn't work, say you want to see a pic of him doing a particular activity, i.e. he rides a bike or horse, you want to see him on his bike or horse, he has a pool, you want to see him on the diving board, etc. I find that if you suggest he do something funny, he will be taken off guard and usually do it! One guy on POF looks very sexy. After much prodding and him sending me photos from twenty years ago when he was drop dead gorgeous, he finally relented and sent a photo from last year. He definitely looked a lot older. Interestingly, on his profile, he says he wants kids but yet he told me he dislikes the "little brats." Then I read somewhere that older men who say they want kids just want to stop older women, who are incapable of having kids, from contacting them.
FitChick Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Hmm.. well, this guy has about six really sexy pictures, and six REALLY unfortunate pictures, and one that's like in the middle. Go by the most current, unless he lies about that. Follow my advice above regarding having him take new photos. Photos are tricky because it depends on the pose and the lighting. I have pix of me now where I look younger than I did ten years ago.
Billzebub Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Girls always take pix from above so they get you to focus on their cleavage and stretch out the double chin. Most girls look hot from above and in bad (club) lighting, so I got to where I needed to see a full frontal body shot to make an honest opinion. Girls also liked to post pix from 2 years ago (before they threw their back out and spent the summer on the couch eating bon-bons).
FitChick Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 My pet peeve is men who have three to five photos up and they are all nearly identical -- either miles away in shadow or head shots where they move their heads maybe half an inch in either direction. How can people be so clueless? Of course, I'm sure women are guilty of the same. Repeat after me: Head shot Full body shot
carhill Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 My profile is on Yahoo (personals), and the women who I've met in person have uniformly commented I look just like my pictures. Don't know whether that is good or bad I had some friend's wives take pictures (action candids) of me when at events or visiting. Still separated, so that's a hindrance at this point. My profile lists that, along with a nice little bio. I'll never make it as a timeshare salesman
brainygirl Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I try to put truthful pictures on online stuff. That being said, I've had guys get really mean because the fact that I don't have pictures showing a lot of clevage or skin I must be hugely obese (which I'm not). Of course, I don't get lots and lots of emails, which most women claim is a problem, so I must be doing something wrong.
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