marsle85 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 In response to the "woe is me" thread and the ongoing amount of apprehension and fear of response to rejection- I'm curious how often men are actually rejected by women. How many times have you been rejected? How many times have you reached success? Where were you propositioning the female? How have you been turned down? How often does the rejection take place initially? Two or three dates in? As a woman, I know I rarely pursue men. I understand it cannot be easy. But after reading post after post regarding men's fear of approach, I'm clearly missing the big bad explosion occurring after denial. Much appreciated.
EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Oh geez, I can just see how this thread is going to turn out...
Cracker Jack Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 How many times have you been rejected? About twice. I usually never gain the proper manhood to ask a lady out nowadays. How many times have you reached success? The only times I've had "some" success were if the girl pursued me. Even then, the success was only minimum at best; it never went anywhere significant. Where were you propositioning the female? Well, I suggested dinner/lunch in the few chances where I actually tried, but nothing more. The funny thing is they considered going, but only as a "friend" and nothing more. Ugh. Hope I responded to the above Q correctly. How have you been turned down? They were the type where you're placed into the friend zone, but that doesn't make it any better. Funny thing is they both showed interest, but I, uh, waited too long. Yeah, sucks for me. How often does the rejection take place initially? Two or three dates in? Before any dates take place. Honestly, I really feel as though I have untapped potential in the dating game. If I sat up here and said I could "never" be successful with women, I'd be lying. I just don't know how to be successful with women.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I don't think I've ever been initially rejected while making a conscious effort to ask a woman out/otherwise escalate the situation. I have been rejected a few times while making small talk. One notable example, VERY paraphrased as it happened years ago: (insert about 45 seconds of random conversation between me and her before hand) Girl "Blah blah blah my Greek friend said this." Me: "Oh yeah, I happen to be Greek too." Girl: "...yeah, he's actually good looking though." *girl walks away* another time: (after a good 5 minutes of small talk at a party that I was considering trying to pursue) Me: (whatever I said) Girl: "yeah, I think you should probably get back to your friends now." *girl walks away Other than that, I honestly cant think of any. I was fairly aggressively pursued by numerous women, most of whom I rejected for either being mentally unhealthy, completely vapid, or a tad too unattractive physically, but one of whom ended up being a short term relationship of about 3 months, the end of which utterly crushed me (and I wrote a whole thread about that, my most recent one in fact). I guess that was an eventual rejection.
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 In response to the "woe is me" thread and the ongoing amount of apprehension and fear of response to rejection- I'm curious how often men are actually rejected by women. How many times have you been rejected? How many times have you reached success? Where were you propositioning the female? How have you been turned down? How often does the rejection take place initially? Two or three dates in? As a woman, I know I rarely pursue men. I understand it cannot be easy. But after reading post after post regarding men's fear of approach, I'm clearly missing the big bad explosion occurring after denial. Much appreciated. Cold hard, initial, flat-out rejections, probably 7 or 8. Usually, it's just the ignoring me or walking away without a word. 2 girls insulted me straight out or tried to make fun of me. I've dated 12 girls, but to be honest, those rejections were extremely painful and humiliating. And besides, even worse than the cold, hard rejection is the flake; a girl who flirts with you, gives you her number, chats with you on the phone or online, but never agrees to a date; or worse, agrees to a date, cancels last minute and never calls back when you call her afterward. So that's really 2 hurdles that causes a fear of approaching girls; the cold, harsh rejection, and even if you get past that, getting her to NOT lead you on and flake on you.
USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I will not include all my days in grade school, high school, or college...because I was a total loser and it would probably unfairly skew the curve... How many times have you been rejected? actually, I don't think I've ever been rejected, per se, for a date or phone number... How many times have you reached success? Depends on how you define success...I've gone as far as I've wanted to go in all attempts...except for my ex...who I wanted to marry... Where were you propositioning the female? bar, club, house party, kiosk at the mall selling skin care products (x 2)...yea... How have you been turned down? never actually been initially turned down...as long as I directly ask for a number or a date... How often does the rejection take place initially? any rejection will take place in my head, before I even approach the girl...so it's all self-induced rejection... Two or three dates in? ....?
TheBigQuestion Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 No wait, I remember one humorous rejection that was a result of me being a drunken clown. (me yelling at an attractive girl across the street): HI! YOU DESERVE AN EQUAL WAGE!!! Girl: **** YOU! Me: WOOOOOOO!
homersheineken Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Depends what you mean by rejected. Approach? Asking out? etc... It happens to me all the time. I flirt with most people. You really just have to have the mindset that you're going to get rejected and that it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
homersheineken Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 No wait, I remember one humorous rejection that was a result of me being a drunken clown. (me yelling at an attractive girl across the street): HI! YOU DESERVE AN EQUAL WAGE!!! Girl: **** YOU! Me: WOOOOOOO! This approach works better with money flashing in your hands
Cracker Jack Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Ah, I noticed I answered the "propositioning" part wrong, and they wouldn't let me edit my post. In school was where this was done. Both of them were good friend that I shared classes with. The most I do with random beautiful women is stare, so yeah, pathetic.
AD1980 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 (edited) To be honest ive only approached a handful of women was rejected each time but theres been many times where i wasnt tehcncially "rejected" but as soon as i tried to even ask some girl a question to see if i can start a convo i got a death stare and the girl acted like i was a creep for invading her airspace so all those would have been rejections.. My only sucess was my friends wifes friend who got really drunk slept with me[not sex] then said the next day she just did it because she was drunk and pleaded with me not to tell anyone as if she was embararased to be with me.. Im deathly afraid of rejection and have low self confidence physically because ive been called unattractive before or at least overheard it or hear inunendos that i wasnt attractive.. Add that in with never hearing a women slightly being interested in me seeing all my better looking friends have women ask about them,never having my friends wives who i have sister like relationships with try to hook me up when theyve done so with numerous other single guys in our social circle.. All this adds up to me really having no reason to be confident with women.. Edited May 19, 2010 by AD1980
homersheineken Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Are you drunk right now? First, never stare. A friend of a friend does that. I told him you get a second (past the initial gaze), that's it. Any more than that and you're in the creepy stare phase. Second, everyone gets rejected, so get used to it. The faster you do, the better you'll do.
Cracker Jack Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Well, my staring is actually far from creeper status. Whenever I see a beautiful woman in a public place, or around my neighborhood, I make eye contact with them, and just think about how beautiful they are before realizing I have no chance with this woman who's really outta my league--then I simply go on with what I was doing. I never stare them down or anything. As for rejection: That isn't really my issue anymore. I simply don't know how to approach women at all. A few months back, I (Stupidly) talked to this girl in school about the weather, since it was crazy at that point. She simply said "Uh, I don't really care too much about the weather" and that was the extent of that. The weather (It was a snowstorm) was the big talk at that point, and I couldn't even start anything up with that. You can't face rejection if you suck at generating an approach to begin with.
Kaplan Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I don't feel as though I've ever been rejected. That being said, I don't usually go up to a girl I've never met and just say, "will you go out with me." There was one time I remember when I started speaking to girl and she immediately said, "**** off!" But that doesn't count because I was only going to ask her for directions anyway.
Fouts Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 It depends on your age group. Men under 30 usually hunt more, but when they're over 35 or so, the single women flock to them. It's odd how the roles reverse.
deebeechrisyo Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 This year, probably 3 out of 5 phone numbers I get either don't respond or flake out.
espec10001 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I've been rejected, slapped, yelled at, had my stuff broken, all from various females. And through it all, I've learned one thing: If a woman don't like you for who you are, how you look, what you do, what you have or don't have, then they ain't worth your time! If anything women are just a test for men.
Ihavenoidea Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 (edited) Hmmm hard to say. I have never been rejected as far as getting a date and prior to my last break up the first woman I asked out always seemed to develope into a relationship. Only recently have I truley been able to say I am dating. Once again I always seem to easily get a date, probably with my rugged handsomeness and charm. Most women I meet just either arent interested or have multiple men chasing them or aren't in a position to get into dating or a relationship. I cant say I am necessarily rejected but I have been put on hold and that pisses me off. I am with Paradox on this though I can get a first date easily 9/10 times but after that they flake out and just stop communicating. I admit though there are a lot of 'woes is me" men on here Edited May 19, 2010 by Ihavenoidea
Lakeside_runner Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 It depends on your age group. Men under 30 usually hunt more, but when they're over 35 or so, the single women flock to them. It's odd how the roles reverse. Haha, hunters become gatherers...
Lakeside_runner Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Where were you propositioning the female? No What do you mean by that???
Fouts Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I think it's a combination of the clock ticking factor, women being drawn to men that are more secure in life, and that men tend to age into their looks a bit better than women. There's plenty of exceptions, but single men 35-45 who have it going on pretty much have the pick of the litter from women in their mid-late 20's up to the 50-something crowd and everyone in between.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 There's plenty of exceptions, but single men 35-45 who have it going on pretty much have the pick of the litter from women in their mid-late 20's up to the 50-something crowd and everyone in between. I JUST LOVE THIS PROSPECTIVE!!! :lmao:
Green Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 In response to the "woe is me" thread and the ongoing amount of apprehension and fear of response to rejection- I'm curious how often men are actually rejected by women. The "woe is me" attitude is exactly what makes them unattractive and unable to play their role as a man and step up and face rejection and danger. How many times have you been rejected? How many times have you reached success? Where were you propositioning the female? How have you been turned down? How often does the rejection take place initially? Two or three dates in?. I've been rejected litteraly more times than I can remember, easily over 100 times... maybe even a thousand... I just havn't kept track really who knows. I have flat out propositioned a woman once and I actualy got a date out of it haha! Percentage of rejection are much higher then things actualy working out, and if it even gets to a date... then it usualy doesn't make it past 1-2 if its not going to work out. Even when women are flat out nasty about their rejection like calling you a nerd or loser, or laughing at you ect... it really doesn't bother me. Once a girl hurt my feelings at a bar by calling me a loser for pretty much no reason, So I called her a bitch and she was practicaly in tears... she was like "you think I'm a bitch" my point is women who are the meanest usualy can't handle having it thrown back at them. Usualy I just walk away. With my current gf she actualy turned me down for the first thing I asked her out for, but I could tell I still had a shot and we ended up going on a great first date. You can't always give up right away even if a girl calls you a creep, some times you need to stay and creep her out some more before she warms up. As a woman, I know I rarely pursue men. I understand it cannot be easy. But after reading post after post regarding men's fear of approach, I'm clearly missing the big bad explosion occurring after denial. I think it is more fun to have the active role in dating. There do seem to be a lot of men who arn't willing to take a risk, that a rejection would destroy them. It really makes no sense.
ADF Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Most men are rejected more times than they can count, myself included. It can eb frustrating when you're young, but gets easier as you grow older for two basic reasons: 1) You come to realize that women don't owe it to you to be interested in you, no mattter what a great guy you think you are. 2) You learn that throughout the course of your life, you're going to run into any number of attractie women who, for whateer reason, are not going to be aailable. It is just a fact of life.
SomewhatExperienced Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 In my life, I'm thinking I've been rejected a handful of times, though sometimes because the girl says she has a boyfriend (which may or may not be true). It can be tough to get shot down. Especially when I was younger asking out a girl was nerve wrecking, and getting shot down was even worse. Both men's and women's self-esteem can be fragile in this realm and getting blown off can be like a kryptonite to our otherwise strong ego. I've had a number of girls that I've dated simply flake out, almost to the point now that if I'm dating a girl and she's showing genuine interest still a month in I'm surprised. I'd simply say two things to women: 1) appreciate how hard it is for some guys to ask you out and that when they do you suddenly have a lot of power over them, so when you let them down be gentle and tell them something to sooth their ego a bit (i.e.: "I'd totally go out with you, but I have a boyfriend."). 2) if the guy is nice and things go well, but you decide it's not worth going to the next level like a relationship, tell him, don't simply stop calling and returning calls. It's cowardly and leaves the man confused.
Recommended Posts