Starsky_182 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Hi, I recently broke up with my girlfriend after nearly 9months of going out. We met on holiday and the relationship ended up being a long distance one, I would travel up to hers on my days off etc. From the word go i felt as if there was a missing ingredient, but having come out of another relationship prior to the holiday (where i was besotted and it didnt work out) my friends told me to take a risk and give it a go, this i did and although we had many good times i always felt like there was something missing and i knew i didn’t love her - which slowly but surely took over like some sort of flesh eating disease. The relationship wasn’t without its ups and downs either, she lied to me from the very start telling me she had her own house and could drive, even going as far as to take me out in her housemates car when in reality she didn’t even have a license lead alone insurance!!! She also omitted to tell me she had been living in this house with her boyfriend who she broke up with before the holiday and kicked out - the house being his fathers... now although i was annoyed at the time i tried to make allowances for her actions and put it down to her feeling inadequate about herself because i had my own house etc..! But ...she was also still texting her ex, and i found a few messages form him and it became obvious he still had feelings for her, i found messages on 3 separate occasions including most recently xmas day..... She was adamant they were just friends... I ended it just after the new year and she pleaded with me to give it another go and promised she would never text him again....so silly me gave it another go... (Trivial as these lies may appear they all add up and contribute to lack of trust especially when its a long distance relationship!) Looking back now i really don’t know why i stayed so long, i gave her so many chances when all along alarm bells were ringing in my head and i knew she wasn’t the one. Anyway more recently i finished it again, and think this is the final nail in the coffin, my feelings that it was wrong had consumed my entire body, and although i knew she loved / s me and would do anything for me, i just didnt feel the same,it took a lot but i finally finished it, initially i felt ok, but now i feel awful. We have had to stay in contact because of a holiday we booked together, basically she wont cancel it so i am trying to sort some sort of compromise so i get at least some of my money back. I dont know if shes is trying to hurt me but she is making an real effort to make it look like shes not at all bothered, even going so far as to look like shes meeting with other men already...i shouldn’t be bothered i made my mind up before and know i could never go back but why am i feeling like this? I hate the thought of upsetting anyone, i am a big softy really and all i want is a relationship that will work (yet to have one...!!), only now im feeling low and it feels like its going to be such an effort to get back out meeting new people, find out what they are like , realise you arent compatible etc etc i just cant b bothered with it all - just kinda feels like a lose lose situation at the moment! Ive got to put this behind me and move on but im finding it difficult, i think the fact i just lost a very close family relative has knocked my mood and im not thinking all that clearly! Life aint easy thats for sure! [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
GrayClouds Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Hi, I hate the thought of upsetting anyone, i am a big softy really and all i want is a relationship that will work (yet to have one...!!), only now im feeling low and it feels like its going to be such an effort to get back out meeting new people, find out what they are like , realise you arent compatible etc etc i just cant b bothered with it all - just kinda feels like a lose lose situation at the moment! Sorry about your loss Starsky it sounds like you tried hard, possible to hard to make it work. One thing that you can learn from this is love does not need to be that hard and if you are a softy then you have to make sure your not sacrificing too much of yourself. Take some time to heal, focus on yourself. Read the follow, do what it says and everything else will take care of itself: The No Contact Guide Good luck
Author Starsky_182 Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Thanks Grayclouds, your right i tried really hard to make it work, its just going to take time now thanks for your advice i appreciate it
GrayClouds Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 You may want to take a look at "No More Mr Nice Guy" book to help with future relationships. While it may not 100% pertain to you, good chance there is some information that will be helpful for you to keep from repeated unhealthy patterns. In the mean time hit the gym, get strong, get strong, eat well, rebuild the confidence.
Author Starsky_182 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 Any ideas why i feel as if i miss her when all the time ive been with her recently all i wanted to do was finish it? Its driving me nuts, its as if im trapped - unhappy with her, unhappy without her. Im trying to focus on getting on with my life but its very difficult at the moment - im committed to the decision i took, but its rather painful and i dont understand why as i know i dont love her! Grrr relationships!!
GrayClouds Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Any ideas why i feel as if i miss her when all the time ive been with her recently all i wanted to do was finish it? Its driving me nuts, its as if im trapped - unhappy with her, unhappy without her. Im trying to focus on getting on with my life but its very difficult at the moment - im committed to the decision i took, but its rather painful and i dont understand why as i know i dont love her! Grrr relationships!! My suspicion it has less to do with her and the realtionship and more to do with your own discomfort about being alone and at the moment the idea of being unhappy with her sounds more appealing then being unhappy and alone. So did you get that book?
Author Starsky_182 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 you talk a lot of sense you know Grayclouds thanks , thats what i need just a push back in the right direction - but yes i suspect you are right just gotta work my way through this now and in the end ill come out feeling better and knowing i made the right decision, just at the moment the light at the end seems a long way away! No i havent yet, but ive found it on amazon so i will be investing in it very soon im sure there will be something of use in it! Thanks again
skydiveaddict Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Hi, I recently broke up with my girlfriend after nearly 9months of going out. We met on holiday and the relationship ended up being a long distance one, I would travel up to hers on my days off etc. From the word go i felt as if there was a missing ingredient, but having come out of another relationship prior to the holiday (where i was besotted and it didnt work out) my friends told me to take a risk and give it a go, this i did and although we had many good times i always felt like there was something missing and i knew i didn’t love her - which slowly but surely took over like some sort of flesh eating disease. The relationship wasn’t without its ups and downs either, she lied to me from the very start telling me she had her own house and could drive, even going as far as to take me out in her housemates car when in reality she didn’t even have a license lead alone insurance!!! She also omitted to tell me she had been living in this house with her boyfriend who she broke up with before the holiday and kicked out - the house being his fathers... now although i was annoyed at the time i tried to make allowances for her actions and put it down to her feeling inadequate about herself because i had my own house etc..! But ...she was also still texting her ex, and i found a few messages form him and it became obvious he still had feelings for her, i found messages on 3 separate occasions including most recently xmas day..... She was adamant they were just friends... I ended it just after the new year and she pleaded with me to give it another go and promised she would never text him again....so silly me gave it another go... (Trivial as these lies may appear they all add up and contribute to lack of trust especially when its a long distance relationship!) Looking back now i really don’t know why i stayed so long, i gave her so many chances when all along alarm bells were ringing in my head and i knew she wasn’t the one. Anyway more recently i finished it again, and think this is the final nail in the coffin, my feelings that it was wrong had consumed my entire body, and although i knew she loved / s me and would do anything for me, i just didnt feel the same,it took a lot but i finally finished it, initially i felt ok, but now i feel awful. We have had to stay in contact because of a holiday we booked together, basically she wont cancel it so i am trying to sort some sort of compromise so i get at least some of my money back. I dont know if shes is trying to hurt me but she is making an real effort to make it look like shes not at all bothered, even going so far as to look like shes meeting with other men already...i shouldn’t be bothered i made my mind up before and know i could never go back but why am i feeling like this? I hate the thought of upsetting anyone, i am a big softy really and all i want is a relationship that will work (yet to have one...!!), only now im feeling low and it feels like its going to be such an effort to get back out meeting new people, find out what they are like , realise you arent compatible etc etc i just cant b bothered with it all - just kinda feels like a lose lose situation at the moment! Ive got to put this behind me and move on but im finding it difficult, i think the fact i just lost a very close family relative has knocked my mood and im not thinking all that clearly! Life aint easy thats for sure! [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] Ive got to put this behind me and move on but im finding it difficult, i think the fact i just lost a very close family relative has knocked my mood and im not thinking all that clearly! It certainly is difficult
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