fooled once Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I already do know how he is and who he is. I had an affair with him remember? I don't really know that it is important for me to feel sorry for her or him or me for that matter. He told her about the dinner. He knew it was important that she be there with him. Is it really so inconceivable that his spouse just didn't give a damn. I don't really care why she didn't show up. It's between the two of them, but quit making it out like the situation is so one sided. We don't really know what their relationship is like, do we? She could be a monster, she could be a lazy cold hearted bitch, she could be wonderful and loving and that is why he is so unhappy. Who the heck knows. I believe that for every person whose spouse has cheated, if they are honest with themselves, acknowledge that their actions played a role in the deteriation of the marriage. Not that this permits adultery. I could NOT disagree more - it is NEVER the betrayed spouses fault that their spouse chose to cheat. NEVER. If a person is being abused - get a divorce. If you fall out of love, get counseling or get a divorce. If there are problems in the marriage, get counseling or get a divorce. NEVER should a betrayed spouse be blamed for 'causing' their spouse to cheat. BOTH people contribute to a marriage and any problems - BOTH of them. But the cheater takes the action to cheat - no one forces them to.
Author naturegirl Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 The last sentance of my post states that despite the deterioration of a marriage...it does not permit cheating. But I get really sick of people always assuming because he cheated that she is a saint. Like someone said, we don't know what goes on in that house, and that includes her.
jthorne Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I already do know how he is and who he is. I had an affair with him remember? I don't really know that it is important for me to feel sorry for her or him or me for that matter. He told her about the dinner. He knew it was important that she be there with him. Is it really so inconceivable that his spouse just didn't give a damn. I don't really care why she didn't show up. It's between the two of them, but quit making it out like the situation is so one sided. We don't really know what their relationship is like, do we? She could be a monster, she could be a lazy cold hearted bitch, she could be wonderful and loving and that is why he is so unhappy. Who the heck knows. I believe that for every person whose spouse has cheated, if they are honest with themselves, acknowledge that their actions played a role in the deteriation of the marriage. Not that this permits adultery.No ma'am! Just because you had an affair doesn't mean you know him. You know the side HE wanted you to see. And you know what of their marriage that HE wants you to know. You are not his wife, you have no idea what goes on between those two, so for you to imply that the A is partly her fault is misguided at best. Regardless, your A is over. Time to move on. I really don't see how continuing this EA that you have now benefits you. It just strokes his ego and keeps you from seeking happiness elsewhere.
califnan Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Thank you FO .. That is really nice to know that the responsibility goes onto the cheater.. who should have sought MC or divorce.. rather than partial responsibility to the wife of the cheater. I have always thought that marriages fail because of 50-50 on each partner.. My marriage ended because it did not have God in it .. (neither of us) .. While my husband was a very good husband in many ways - he lacked the ingredient: loyalty.
Trimmer Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I believe that for every person whose spouse has cheated, if they are honest with themselves, acknowledge that their actions played a role in the deteriation of the marriage. Not that this permits adultery. It's a statement that often stirs strong emotions and blinds people, but I knew what you meant...
2sunny Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 perfect work! although had it been me - i would have ignored his call after leaving. but you did great! to attend - and participate in a business fashion while not engaging with him on a personal level is HUGE!!! makes me extremely happy for your progress and showing him where you have placed him and his role in your life now. keep it business - keep it professional - now the healing can begin for YOU!
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