almsolitarie Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 3 months ago my bf broke up with me (we were together for more than a year). He was 35. He told me many excuses about the break-up such as he didn´t want to be with me because I am a foreigner, I didn´t speak well enough his language and there were some cultural bounderies he couldn´t cope with. I had my suspicions about him cheating on me (which later came out true), I asked him and he denied all of them. After a month of the break-up, he went serious with his new girlfriend, a workmate of him he had been seeing on my back, and started talking about moving together (something that he never wanted to do with me, despite he spent most of the time in my place - we were also workmates). Someone told me all this and unfortunately, I was so desperate that I went through his emails and found out that he had been seeing this woman when he was with me, they were actually moving together and also found out of pictures of them together. It broke my heart and felt devastated. How come someone can move on so quickly? Time to time I bump into him and I try to be as civilized as possible by greeting him and keeping my composture to my best. Every time he sees me says things are going good with him and that it is good to see me, but he never mention about her. He knows I know and he also told me whatever he does with his life it is not my business, which is ver very true. However, I am so shocked about his lack of honesty and the fact that not even a month later than when we split up he went serious with the other. Everytime I see him I feel very very angry and I want to tell him how much he has hurt me. I have tried to move on and to get along with my life, seeing friends, doing sports, etc. but every day I wake up in the middle of the night and I imagine both of them together. The only thing I am doing by thinking about this is torturing myself. I wish I could do something to stop feeling so angry and anxious eventhough I believe I am much happier without him. I feel insulted and offended with his comments about my nationality and my person because he wasn´t brave enough to tell me the truth, and every time I see him and his arrogance make me furious. I tried to tell him, in a civilised manner, about a couple of months later of our break-up, it and he commented that he had "certainly moved on" and he didn´t care. I had to admitt I had previous relationships that ended, and the grief was less painful since no one has done this to me before. I just can´t understand. I wonder if I can get any advice about how to cope with it.
Cealabeala Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I am so sorry that this happened to you, it must be very hard to cope. Its natural that you feel angry that he betrayed you, and it hurts to see him take this new relationship to the next level, when he never did that with you. All you can do is take it day by day, and remember that every day is another step towards feeling over him. There are stages to grief and loss, and I think you might be in the anger stage. Do a bit of research on this. Everyone copes differently but having a rough outline of what to expect can be helpful. You might not even be thinking about a new relationship, and you should certainly give yourself time before dating again if you feel you need it. But you should maybe read the book "He's Just Not That Into You". It really helped me after I broke up with my ex. Sometimes we have to work our way through a number of guys that aren't that into us, and hurt us as a result, before we find someone who is crazy about us and treats us how we should be treated. The book might help you when you do feel ready to get back out there. Take care of yourself, what your doing already is great (seeing friends, keeping fit) and try to be extra nice to yourself during this time. Little treats to yourself might make yourself feel a bit better. x x x x
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