USMCHokie Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 After reading the numerous negative threads on the hopelessness of dating for the certain few of the male population, I have elected to jump on this bandwagon of hopelessness. I understand where this attitude is coming from, as I once was a believer. But I don't blame it on anything or anyone...I understand that we only have ourselves to blame... And it's not that I can't find someone to date, but moreso just don't...or don't try... I can certainly empathize with all the folks that don't see themselves as attractive or "dateable"...I once held the same exact beliefs and attitudes as they did...that only the most attractive, the tallest, and the wealthiest were able to attract mates...but after a period of self-improvement and some marginal dating success, I was eventually able to convince myself that this was far from the truth... However, old habits die hard, and after prolonged periods of self-induced isolation, it's hard not to go back...I have not been out in a social environment in about a month and don't really see myself going out anymore...I recently sent a message to a girl I was interested in on POF, didn't get a response, and now I want to take down my profile...and maybe my rediscovered apathy for all things social is a reflection of all that has gone wrong in my life so far in the year 2010...or perhaps this is just part of the coping rollercoaster from the breakup...who knows... Like I've casually mentioned in some of the other threads, after a while, we sometimes seem to become more accustomed and comfortable simply doing nothing...not because of fear of failure or rejection, but possibly because of expectation of failure or rejection...and I think that's what goes on in the mind of the 'woe is me' folks...they reason that they are simply "learning from history" and avoiding failures in the future by not even trying...and they simply accept that they forego the taste of success just so they can avoid the repetition of failure... And I think I'm ready to climb back on that wagon...
Crusoe Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Hokie, you are a good looking fella, well built, intelligent, witty and in the prime of your life. If you climb back onto that wagon you are a damned fool. The "woe is me" folks aren't learning a damned thing from history, don't be one of them.
skydiveaddict Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 And I think I'm ready to climb back on that wagon... Don't you dare. I'm still on that band wagon & if you try to get back on I will personally throw you back off.
brainygirl Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I know how you feel. I think. I've wanted to find a stable, long term relationship for a while, but kept being told I was "too pushy" or "too busy" or just not what they wanted. But they were fine with FWB or some such thing. So I give up. No LTR for me. I figure I'll make due with what human contact I can get. Because waiting around for something that doesn't exist is a waste of time.
phineas Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I'm almost divorced. Soon I can get out there & start dateing. Oh wait, child support eats up all my spare coin. Is this a "woe is me" post or is there still a chance I don't have to climb into the wagon? I do own a house it's rather nice (i did most of the work) my car...umm it runs. LOL! eh, i think i'll be ok.
EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Kelvin... all I can say is that i'm very very disappointed You are smarter than this.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Dude, you're jacked, you're a marine (I'm guessing that from your LS name), you seem well spoken, and from what I've read from your posts, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. It would be a shame if you went back to the pity party.
EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 It would be a shame if you went back to the pity party. Yes, and that's exactly what it is. A pity party. And it's so much easier to fall back onto that, as opposed to actually working through the issues. If the best things in life were easy, well... then we would live in a completely different world. I think you may put too much emphasis on dating, who is attracted to you, and who wants to date you. You already know where I stand on this subject. Come on Kelvin, time to pick yourself back up by the bootstraps and carry on.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 (edited) And furthermore, I also don't get where this belief that only the tallest, richest, wealthiest, best looking men are able to attract mates comes from. The vast majority of male friends and acquaintances I've had in my life have always been able to attract at the very least a few women. Most I know have had multiple girlfriends, and some are engaged. These girls aren't all lingerie model hot (although a few are very close), but very few of them have been "ugly" or worthless/bad people. Being that all of my friends are middle/upper-middle class and their ages range from 20 to 25 (I'm 23), there's virtually no one among my friends who is "successful." One of them is a genius and has a six-figure entry level job at Bloomberg, but the vast majority are either working crappy office jobs, or they're pumping gas, or working as waiters, or are still students trying frantically to make ends meet. My shortest friend, standing in at a whopping 5'2", who isn't exceptionally charismatic and is actually a bit of an obnoxious creep, has had 3 girlfriends and they've all been either average or reasonably good looking. Their levels of charisma obviously vary as well. I should also add that I live, and have lived my whole life, in the NYC metro area. It's not a place known for being friendly, and is certainly not a friendly dating ground. I only mention this to demonstrate that my experiences should carry a lot of weight, as I know it would be different if I lived in Nebraska where I bet dating is a bit more down-to-earth and less competitive. My question is, in light of all this, why would you want to jump on a bandwagon that advocates the type of belief system described in the first sentence of the above paragraph? Edited May 19, 2010 by TheBigQuestion
Author USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Thanks for the responses... I feel like I'm torn on the whole idea of dating...part of me doesn't want to really consider it at this point in my life, as it is comfortable with the way things have been...but the other part of me yearns for all the good feelings that come with it, and so it constantly thinks about it and hopes... I'm not so far gone on the pity party bus that I've given up all hope on dating, as that would be silly...but Erica, as you say, I'd love to pick myself up by the bootstraps and carry on, but I'm not sure which direction I'm supposed to go...
Author USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 My question is, in light of all this, why would you want to jump on a bandwagon that advocates the type of belief system described in the first sentence of the above paragraph? Because it's easy and lazy...and allows such advocates to honestly believe that there is nothing they can do...so they live their life without trying and then blame everything and everyone around them for their troubles...it also serves to protect their egos, as there is "obviously" nothing wrong with them...it has to be all the attractive men, women, and their perceived "preferences" that are in the wrong... As you can see, this post is aimed to be a jab at the whole belief system itself...
Author USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 You are 26. Get your ass out there. Heh, I like this. This is wise, yet elegant in its simplicity... Thanks.
brainygirl Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Thanks for the responses... I feel like I'm torn on the whole idea of dating...part of me doesn't want to really consider it at this point in my life, as it is comfortable with the way things have been...but the other part of me yearns for all the good feelings that come with it, and so it constantly thinks about it and hopes... I'm not so far gone on the pity party bus that I've given up all hope on dating, as that would be silly...but Erica, as you say, I'd love to pick myself up by the bootstraps and carry on, but I'm not sure which direction I'm supposed to go... Maybe you could simply take a teeny break from actively dating instead of going "wow is me"? Probably the only difference between the two is attitude than anything else . . .
OpenGL Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 And furthermore, I also don't get where this belief that only the tallest, richest, wealthiest, best looking men are able to attract mates comes from. http://open.salon.com/blog/big_fat_trauma_queen/2010/01/24/online_dating_turned_me_into_a_shallow_superficial_jerk
brainygirl Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 A break gives him time to say woe is me. Bad advice. Start now. If he isn't into it he isn't into it. There isn't anything wrong with stopping the chase for a little while. It isn't saying "no body loves me" its saying "I'm not into it right now, maybe later".
Yamaha Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I get off my ass and I get the sex I want Maybe his goal is different/more than pu$$y.
Author USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Maybe his goal is different/more than pu$$y. It is...
TheBigQuestion Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 http://open.salon.com/blog/big_fat_trauma_queen/2010/01/24/online_dating_turned_me_into_a_shallow_superficial_jerk How exactly does this negate my personal experiences in one of the most unforgiving areas of the country in which to date people??
EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 This is going to be the most cliched response ever, but i'm going to use it anyways. You know (as well as I do) that you cannot truly be happy (in a healthy way) with another person if you cannot be happy being single. And by being single, I mean being alone. Not dating anyone. Doing things for yourself and making yourself happy. It seems that you are unable to do this. When the dating pool is becoming dry, you go into these 'hopeless' spells. Tell me something... when was the last time you did something for you? To make you happy? Without trying (or worrying) about finding someone to flirt with/get a number from/date? You're still young! This should be the prime of your life! Go out and have fun! Remember that conversation we had about going out to bars and whatnot with only the intention of having fun with the people you are with? What happened to that? You should be doing that every single day of your life. Not paying any mind to whether or not you are 'date-able' in another persons eyes, or how many girls find you attractive. You should be making you happy right now.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Remember that conversation we had about going out to bars and whatnot with only the intention of having fun with the people you are with? What happened to that? You should be doing that every single day of your life. I agree with a lot of what you said, but not this. Going to a bar every single day of your life sounds like a tremendous drag. I think people who do that must have a major fear of spending any quiet time alone.
EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I agree with a lot of what you said, but not this. Going to a bar every single day of your life sounds like a tremendous drag. I think people who do that must have a major fear of spending any quiet time alone. No no no, I meant that he should have that mentality every single day of his life I would never suggest that anyone go to a bar every day.
tami-chan Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 oh,but this is better.....,he gets a lot of attention when he is wallowing in self-pity.... I say, get on the bandwagon, kick skydiveaddict off (he does not belong there) and savor the misery.
Author USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Were you in the military? Girls love military men. Still in...jury is still out on the whole military men thing though...
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