second chance for me! is there?

[annabelle84]

Hey guys!

 

So me an my bf dated for 4 years! Our relationship was great, we were best friends, we hell a long distance relationship together for 2 of the 4 years... after that he came to study in my college to be with me. Thats whwn things went down the drain. He said I was pushing away, we tried to work it out and in the process he was the one who began to push away. he started spending a lot more time with his friends than with me... with time I became paranoid... I didn't believe anything he said... if he said they didn't get drunk ... I wouldt blieve... and do on. He became friends with this girl and he texted her more than me.... I asked him to stop talking to her... he said he would talk to her less but could stop completely because they were in the same class (he said that since he had to basicaly chose her or me, he chose me)! I still went on not trsuting him and questioning everything he said... I got mad at him and not seak to him for days! we wuld make up and than fight again! I think over reacted... honestly! After many fights we tried many ways to solve all of this!

 

 

Two week ago, we had this party in town. I told himt he days I was going.... later I figured out that he bought one ticket to go with me an 2 more to go with his friends...! he asked me if I wanted to go (long after he bought them) I sounded weird like he really didn't want me there.... He told me he had warned mee when he was going but I jut coulnt remember (I admit that that culd be true)... I responded poorly... treated him badly once more... I ingnored him the entire night and sometimes even said somethings in front of my friends about him that I know I shouldn't. I'm very impulsive when Iam mad. I only think later!

After that, he didn't speak to me for a week and when he did... he told me he loved me very much but couldn't be with me... he never thought he would get tired of us... bu he did! he said he wanted to be alone for a while! He also said that he didn't see me as his best friend for a long time... and I agrred back... he asked me if I even tried to actually work the raltionship... and once again being hurt and beiing impulsive led to said I didnt (stupid).

I gave many solutions to solve this... I finally explained that I acted like that because I was having trust issues... I that I could really work thing ou this time! he said that he didnt believe it would work because it never didi before! I finally gave in and told him... " I lied because I was sad... you are my best freind... I did tried to work things out.. I can work it out, now you know the truth... I was ashamed to tell tou I was having those trust issues... im sorry! maybe the only thing I would do differently would be to work harder!".... he said it was too late (and that our realtionship to him was fights and watching movies.... that's no true) and that he reallly needed to be alone for a while... so he broke it off! I even asked him "is there someone else?" he said "no... no one is after me and there is no one"!

 

I didn't take this well at all... 2 days later I was asking him to take me back... I said all I could ... all that was in my heart ... even that I was with a depression when we were miles away and thought about breaking up but never did! I actually said it all.. all I could! He said he wouldn't change his mind! When asked if he would come back to me soon he said " I dont know the future"! this bothers me because when he broke it off he said taht he just need time I know I shouldnt have nagged him... I ended up stepping away gracefully "saying I love you when you want to talk I am always here waiting for you".

 

Another thing that he said before breaking up was that we wouldn't have the need to stop talking to each other... but now...

 

Now... no contact... at all! last sunday I went to his profile and saw he erased my from his top friends and all of my photos and comments. he uploaded pictures of fim and his frinds among which was the girl I asked him to stop talking to... he even aded her in his top friends (instead of me). These pictures were of the week when he didn 't take to me at all (before he callled me to break up)... they were all together at this party (to which he bought the tickets and I could remember)... lots of pictures of the girl!

ok! so I'll admit that he a maybe went anyways because he was feeling bad about what I did and his friends were trying to cheer him up. But it still hurt that he didn't tell me he was going! An most of all... I undersatnd that the girl must have been there to cheer him too... but I don't like her anyway... somthing is off about her...! (my sister texted hi asking if they were together... just to give me piece of mind... since I could break the no contact... and he didn't answer ... not even "that's none of you business")... NO contact at all since I texted that last "when you feel like talking" message.

 

I want him back... I know I messed it up... but I know afer these 4 years he is the one!

Do you guys think I stand a chance...! Should I keep that no contact thing? for how long? when should I approch him? or is he the one who mus do it? What do you think about the whole messed situation? What's on his mind?

he told me he needed to try to forget the bad tings (and that for him over the last year they were many.... but I see the bad and also the good!) and that he was hurt.

 

I see what I did wrong...acting on impulse even if Iam right, isnt ok... and I should have tryed to fix this then... and not now... because now its too late! I also know I could do it different... bot now he doens believe me...

HELP... please...

 

Iam afraid he decides never to come back because of not believing in me... Iam afraid he might think that Iam no good because of what I did. That he might think that Iam there to castrate him (lol).

most of all... Iam fraid that if he is doing all of this... excluding me from his life... after the good connetion we had... because he wants to stop loving me... forget me! he said it himself "" I dont know the future" I know I can change it... I know...! How can I prove him wrong and get him back?

 

 

What would you do??? What do you think? Iam desperate.

 

Thank you

[giovanniazael]

Hey guys!

 

So me an my bf dated for 4 years! Our relationship was great, we were best friends, we hell a long distance relationship together for 2 of the 4 years... after that he came to study in my college to be with me. Thats whwn things went down the drain. He said I was pushing away, we tried to work it out and in the process he was the one who began to push away. he started spending a lot more time with his friends than with me... with time I became paranoid... I didn't believe anything he said... if he said they didn't get drunk ... I wouldt blieve... and do on. He became friends with this girl and he texted her more than me.... I asked him to stop talking to her... he said he would talk to her less but could stop completely because they were in the same class (he said that since he had to basicaly chose her or me, he chose me)! I still went on not trsuting him and questioning everything he said... I got mad at him and not seak to him for days! we wuld make up and than fight again! I think over reacted... honestly! After many fights we tried many ways to solve all of this!

 

 

Two week ago, we had this party in town. I told himt he days I was going.... later I figured out that he bought one ticket to go with me an 2 more to go with his friends...! he asked me if I wanted to go (long after he bought them) I sounded weird like he really didn't want me there.... He told me he had warned mee when he was going but I jut coulnt remember (I admit that that culd be true)... I responded poorly... treated him badly once more... I ingnored him the entire night and sometimes even said somethings in front of my friends about him that I know I shouldn't. I'm very impulsive when Iam mad. I only think later!

After that, he didn't speak to me for a week and when he did... he told me he loved me very much but couldn't be with me... he never thought he would get tired of us... bu he did! he said he wanted to be alone for a while! He also said that he didn't see me as his best friend for a long time... and I agrred back... he asked me if I even tried to actually work the raltionship... and once again being hurt and beiing impulsive led to said I didnt (stupid).

I gave many solutions to solve this... I finally explained that I acted like that because I was having trust issues... I that I could really work thing ou this time! he said that he didnt believe it would work because it never didi before! I finally gave in and told him... " I lied because I was sad... you are my best freind... I did tried to work things out.. I can work it out, now you know the truth... I was ashamed to tell tou I was having those trust issues... im sorry! maybe the only thing I would do differently would be to work harder!".... he said it was too late (and that our realtionship to him was fights and watching movies.... that's no true) and that he reallly needed to be alone for a while... so he broke it off! I even asked him "is there someone else?" he said "no... no one is after me and there is no one"!

 

I didn't take this well at all... 2 days later I was asking him to take me back... I said all I could ... all that was in my heart ... even that I was with a depression when we were miles away and thought about breaking up but never did! I actually said it all.. all I could! He said he wouldn't change his mind! When asked if he would come back to me soon he said " I dont know the future"! this bothers me because when he broke it off he said taht he just need time I know I shouldnt have nagged him... I ended up stepping away gracefully "saying I love you when you want to talk I am always here waiting for you".

 

Another thing that he said before breaking up was that we wouldn't have the need to stop talking to each other... but now...

 

Now... no contact... at all! last sunday I went to his profile and saw he erased my from his top friends and all of my photos and comments. he uploaded pictures of fim and his frinds among which was the girl I asked him to stop talking to... he even aded her in his top friends (instead of me). These pictures were of the week when he didn 't take to me at all (before he callled me to break up)... they were all together at this party (to which he bought the tickets and I could remember)... lots of pictures of the girl!

ok! so I'll admit that he a maybe went anyways because he was feeling bad about what I did and his friends were trying to cheer him up. But it still hurt that he didn't tell me he was going! An most of all... I undersatnd that the girl must have been there to cheer him too... but I don't like her anyway... somthing is off about her...! (my sister texted hi asking if they were together... just to give me piece of mind... since I could break the no contact... and he didn't answer ... not even "that's none of you business")... NO contact at all since I texted that last "when you feel like talking" message.

 

I want him back... I know I messed it up... but I know afer these 4 years he is the one!

Do you guys think I stand a chance...! Should I keep that no contact thing? for how long? when should I approch him? or is he the one who mus do it? What do you think about the whole messed situation? What's on his mind?

he told me he needed to try to forget the bad tings (and that for him over the last year they were many.... but I see the bad and also the good!) and that he was hurt.

 

I see what I did wrong...acting on impulse even if Iam right, isnt ok... and I should have tryed to fix this then... and not now... because now its too late! I also know I could do it different... bot now he doens believe me...

HELP... please...

 

Iam afraid he decides never to come back because of not believing in me... Iam afraid he might think that Iam no good because of what I did. That he might think that Iam there to castrate him (lol).

most of all... Iam fraid that if he is doing all of this... excluding me from his life... after the good connetion we had... because he wants to stop loving me... forget me! he said it himself "" I dont know the future" I know I can change it... I know...! How can I prove him wrong and get him back?

 

 

What would you do??? What do you think? Iam desperate.

 

Thank you

Unfortunately there is very little you can do at this point. The best thing to do would be to let him be so that he too can have time to remember the good times. It's like a sand storm; the only thing you're able to see is the tragedy because there is nothing around you that is clear enough to see any positive, but once it calms, you're able to see all the things that you once enjoyed again. You see, the negative that was collected all came back to back and because it's still fresh in his mind, he really can't see anything else but the things that pushed him to making his decision. Give him time. In your case, that would be the best medicine. Have confidence in what you two have built together and know that no girl can erase that in a short period of time because no matter what, the good times between you two will start to come back to him. He may start missing you again and check up on you. If he does, it'll be a good sign because it would just be an indirect way of him expressing himself. If I were you, I'd really use this time to focus on your mistakes and start working on them because if you spend too much time chasing him, you wont' have enough time to work on yourself. You want to be able to prove, not only to him, but to yourself as well, that you are a changed woman. You'll be able to show him that people do change. One thing you have to understand is that with or without him, you still need to work on your weaknesses because you surely don't want to carry that to the next relationship if that will be the case. I wish you the best and like I said before, use this time wisely!

 

PS: Don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes and from those mistakes we grow. This experience is only a bad one if you haven't taken anything away from it. Have faith!