Rarinbug Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Good morning all, I'm new to the site, I found it last night after being very hurt that day. Already I have found it to be a good support, people going through the same situation etc. I will keep it as short as possible, I appreciate there are many people who need support and you have obviously have your own issues going on. I was in a messy relationship for about 18 months, it was pretty immature. A lot of breaking up and getting back together. Despite the fact I am 30 and she is 35. I wasn't entirely happy in the relationship, yet I put everything into it to try and make it work. Some parts of the relationship were absolutely amazing, namely her sense of humour, similar interests and an amazing, very loving sex life. She chose to end it in Aug 09, I thought it was another one of the many break ups and we would soon get back together. That never happened. It really got to me, I kept my distance but it was killing me. I started counselling in December, which has helped. She got in touch a few times, only about trivial things, she just didn't understand that I wanted no contact at all. I said if you want to sort things out lets talk, if not leave me alone. She also said something "massive" was going on in her life and if I knew what it was I wouldn't want to know her. That was early in Jan. I had very strong suspicions as to what it was. The contact became less and less, me wondering what this "massive" thing is became less of an issue. Then for some reason I really started to miss her these last few weeks. I thought about her a lot before but this was another level. For some reason I looked her up on Facebook (not something I have done before, nor am I proud of it) her profile picture was her holding a baby (that was my strong suspicion of the "massive" thing). With the timing I had 24 hours of wondering if I had just become a father, I had to get in touch. I did and she said that I was definitely not the father and she hadn't cheated. She has a lot of medical problems in that area, the doctors said she had to have a baby very soon or it will never happen. I know how much it meant to her so I was initially really pleased. I told her about my feelings, to which she said she wanted to meet up. I was shocked but very happy. We were texting a lot these last few days and things were going well. I assumed that she had artificial insemination. We both talked a lot about one night stands and sexual morals. I feel very strongly about sex, and particularly with the sex life we had. It was sacred to me, and I thought to her as well. I got in touch with her yesterday to ask how the baby was conceived. She told me it was a one night stand and the father isn't in touch. It completely blew me away. I just can't believe she would do that. I know we weren't together but with the timing it must have been incredibly close to the split. We both said that if either of us slept with anyone else when we're together or not, it would kill what we had. And to me it has. This past week, I had become very excited. A different life with the woman I love. I was fully prepared to take on the baby as my own if it was artificial insemination. But now I realise she isn't the person I thought she was. I told her this and apparently it really hurt her, we argued and now want nothing to do with each other. This doesn't stop me hurting though. We split in August, I've been having counselling yet I feel lower than ever. Thank you for reading, apologies for going on! I'm just at a low point and I hope someone who has been in a similar position can inspire me somehow. I hope one day I can get over this and help people on this site too. Rarinbug
Author Rarinbug Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 I've been looking at a lot of threads for inspiration and it's certainly helped. I would really grateful of any help, I want to help other people when i am in a position to. Right now I'm struggling. I have stuck to NC since the argument, it's been tough. I feel so shocked that she could do this, I'm angry and very hurt. All I can think of is her with another guy, I really really can't believe it's happened. Thank you for reading, I hope someone can help me along during this tough time.
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