First time dating a single mom

[j_trap3]

I met a woman a few months ago on an online dating site. She is a single mother, works full time, and has custody most if not all of the time. We hit it off talking at first, then had a few great dates about 2 weeks apart and talk over the phone once a week, but text daily. She mentioned me to her family and friends and her mom even commented to me on facebook. I was laid off work prior to meeting her and this week I start a new job. Each date we've been on has been a blast with good dinner, drinks, and talking. She has a 2 year old son who needs a lot of attention (medical past) and hasnt been single or dating at all since shes been a single. She seems like a great mother and constantly is excited to tell stories of him, which I enjoy.

 

Things feel great to me and I am very happy I've met her. The reason I am posting this is I usually meet women who fall for me quickly and we start a relationship thats gets serious quickly. This woman seems far more compatible, more outgoing, and seems better than any of the past women I've dated (something I never feel). My question is how to I approach her about spending more time, dates, telephone conversations etc? I try to schedule dates the few time her sons dad has him, but they are few and far between and I also understand she needs personal time and has little time on her hands.

 

I am willing to move slowly at a pace that helps her lifestyle. I have never been in a situation like this so its hard for me to tell if shes really that interested or there is little time on her hands and this is something I should expect. Either way I am head over heels for her and will do whatever it takes to gain her trust, etc but uncertain if I just read into things too much and should be able to take step back.

 

Thanks for all responses as and I hope I've provided enough background information. I am very happy in life right now working again and having her apart of it, but want to understand the single mother dating situations better.

 

Thanks

[phineas]

If she is truly interested, she will start to make more time for you once she see's you are sticking around.

[janie423]

You sound like a really nice person, willing to accept her situation. But you must realize that she is only going to get more involved with the child as time goes on and you will always be competing for her time.

 

Also it almost sounds like you are falling for her because she is so busy and not as focused on you as the other women you have known. Her focus is on her child (as it should be) and that makes her more attractive to you. It's hard to resist a two year old though - haha.

[CuriousQDe]

Interesting post. I suppose after the fact that you've accepted and adjusted that she has a child, dating her should be just like dating any other woman. I'd be very concerned that after only a few dates her mom knows about you and is talking about you on Facebook. Way too early for that imho.

[witabix]

Just a little general advice here.

 

Be careful with the child. Don't rush to meet or gain his confidence. You have to be careful that you are going to be there for a while before you move forward with getting know him.

 

As for his mother, she sounds busy, as she surely is. Be aware, or try to find out the reality of the situation between her and the boy's father. It can get really, really messy being involved in a situation between two people who haven't worked it out yet. In my case they split for two years but still it all dragged on, and still is. I got caught and it went horribly wrong quite a few times.

 

So much stuff went on in a short time and I had to leave it all alone. It was and is extremely painful.

 

Be happy, but be careful, sometimes things aren't quite what they seem.

[flc]

Relax and don't over think the situation, it sounds like she likes you and just let her set the pace. Don't put her in a position where the choice is you or her child as you will surely loose, you just have to be sure you like her enough to understand that you are #2, not #1.

[Green]

How old are you? I personaly would not date a single mother... so there is your answer from me.

[j_trap3]

Thanks for everyones posts. I guess I am trying to find out if this speed or lack of phone conversation or dates is common among single mothers who have most of the custody? I sent her a text today saying hello and asking her when she is free next to go out. She has little time on her hands, so i am worried about asking or too much by more dates this early (2 or so months) or not.

[Sivok]

I'm a young guy (23) and dated a single mother before. We got along well, but the child did compete for her time constantly and she wanted to become serious much quicker than any other girl i've dated. It wasn't easy, and you'll always be second to her child. You have to really drill it in your head that you're dating a package deal here. I didn't, and it was a large reason the relationship fell apart - I was not in a place in my life where I had the desire or ability to help raise a child, and those conversations will come up - especially if you eventually start talking about moving in together

[janie423]

 

I am willing to move slowly at a pace that helps her lifestyle. I have never been in a situation like this so its hard for me to tell if shes really that interested or there is little time on her hands and this is something I should expect.

 

 

So basically what you are asking is "should I expect my needs to be put on hold and sacrifice what I need to help her lifestyle"? Do you think she will reward you for that? What do you think the payoff will be?

 

then you ask "is this something I should expect", in other words, even this early in the relationship you are in the dark and are not seeing her nearly as often as you would like. Do you think this will improve going forward?

 

In my opinion people who have children from previous marriages should only date each other.

[j_trap3]

Janice,

 

As I mentioned I have never dated a single mother before and unsure of what to expect. She has told me once I meet her child we will be able to spend much more time together and she said I will meet him soon enough. She grew up with divorced parents and she mentioned she didnt like seeing all of her parents dates, etc while growing up. I dont want to see her child until she is ready and we are ready. My main question on here is the amount of communication between us. She is a constant texter (few times a day or more) but not a phone person.

 

So by this post I was trying to be as thorough as possible about my situation and seeking advice on how to pursue a single mother.