hellopeople Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 It’s been four months. Four months of total NC. Four months of pain, heartache, and tears. Four months of pretty much total silence from his end. I thought it would get easier. It’s only gotten worse. I can’t stomach it anymore. The pain feels like it consumes me. It’s like it’s slowly eating me away. I have to stop whatever I’m doing and take deep breaths so I don’t break down and cry. I can’t seem to get over it. The relationship wasn’t that long but it meant so much to me. When will it go away? Someone told me that my prolonged grieving isn’t normal and that I should see someone. That this has become too much and that I give this boy too much power. That makes me feel like there’s something horribly wrong with me. That I’m slowly falling into insanity or that I’m some crazy ex who can’t get over her ex. I don't want him back but I miss him and that doesn't make sense to me. At what point will this end? When will it be ok? Maybe I’m having one of my “downs” but this is the furthest I’ve fallen in a long time.
skydiveaddict Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 (edited) Listen, when I got back from the sandbox in nov. I was extremely depressed. Then two weeks later my gf broke up w/me. I had to get counseling and meds to help me through it. You should do the same. At least look into it Dont worry , you're not crazy just headtbroken Edited May 18, 2010 by skydiveaddict
That_girl Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I am in the EXACT SAME position. It has been exactly four months for me too, and I miss him even more. Although I don't want him back either... I feel like I'm going insane too. I think it is the fact that we are finally realizing that it's really over, and that without any contact on their end....they must not have cared about us at all. But they MUST still care a bit. They are just trying to move on as we are. Be proud of yourself for not giving in and calling him after all of this time. You are respecting his wishes while maintaining your dignity at the same time. You, me, and many others will look back at this later on and wonder why we felt so strongly about someone who clearly didn't want to be with us. My ex was an ******* A LOT, so although I don't hate him I am started to realize that he's not worth my energy, at all. Of course I miss him, but I'd rather pour my energy into something else that would benefit me and not make me hurt more. I hope you do the same, and if all else fails...trying talking to someone. Good luck!
northstar1 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Having gone to hell and back with my prior breakup in 08, I can assure you will move on and get better. And it does go in waves. You will think you turn a corner only to have a dream, or see something about them and feel setback. Healing is not linear. It took me about 8 months to fully be over my last ex. You will stop thinking about them as much, gradually, although it may not seem like it. One day you will realize you haven't had a dream about them in weeks, or didn't think about them for nearly a full day. Don't get discouraged. I thought I'd never get over her, and never want to date again. But at about the 9 month mark, I realized it was time to get over my pity party, and get out and meet new people. And I did find the heart to date again. You will get through it, trust me.
GrayClouds Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 It’s been four months. Four months of total NC. Four months of pain, heartache, and tears. Four months of pretty much total silence from his end. I thought it would get easier. It’s only gotten worse. I can’t stomach it anymore. The pain feels like it consumes me. It’s like it’s slowly eating me away. I have to stop whatever I’m doing and take deep breaths so I don’t break down and cry. I can’t seem to get over it. The relationship wasn’t that long but it meant so much to me. When will it go away? Someone told me that my prolonged grieving isn’t normal and that I should see someone. That this has become too much and that I give this boy too much power. That makes me feel like there’s something horribly wrong with me. That I’m slowly falling into insanity or that I’m some crazy ex who can’t get over her ex. I don't want him back but I miss him and that doesn't make sense to me. At what point will this end? When will it be ok? Maybe I’m having one of my “downs” but this is the furthest I’ve fallen in a long time. No there is nothing horribly wrong with you it just going to need to do a little more work to heal. It is likely this break up has touch something deeper in you that you need to grieve. I suggest picking up this book, read through it and work through the exercises in it. They may seem a bit silly but they are very helpful, this coming from some who is not a big self help book guy. THE JOURNEY FROM ABANDONMENT TO HEALING by Susan Anerson Also make sure you are putting the effort in all the other cures for heartbreak... eating well, exercising, hang with friends and love ones, journaling your feelings, new hobbies. It does get better.
Heatemyheart89 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Hiya 4 months is not that long if he meant a lot to you. Its been 9 months for me and im only just starting to get over it. It took a wake up call from my ex to make me get over it. I thought he isnt missing me.Why should I miss him? Maybe you miss the idea of him? The idea of a relationship? it gets easier. Youll get through it
ginyi1111 Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 its been almost 6 months for me now and like your ex he went total NC from the day he dumped me...it still hurts and im still obsessed by thoughts of him, but IT DOES GET BETTER! from obsessing him 100% the whole day, it will slowly dwindle down as you move on with your life. try to make as many changes as possible. for me it was getting a new job and leaving the environment that everything reminds me of him.... rely on your friends, talk to them, it might annoy them that you talk abt him and the breakup non stop but it will make you feel better. cry when you have to..and soon you will tire of feeling pathetic... all of us are in the same boat but you will get through this! be strong..
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