okgo83 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Ok so, i went to school with this girl for years and for some reason we never spoke to each other. Probably due to us both being stupidly shy! A couple years out of high school we bumped into each other at a pub and got chatting. Connected really well, exchanged numbers and all that. I called her not long after and we went out on a few dates. Had plenty of laughs, a great time and always ended up kissing. She called me a couple times to come out with her and her friends. And then it just kind of stopped. She didn't respond as keenly to messages and it kind of just didn't go anywhere. I figured she just wasn't interested and I was a little disappointed but moved on. That was 3 years ago.... Two months ago we bumped into each other again, and again we hooked up! It's started again! We get along even better than before. So much in common. I've spoken to her about what happened last time and she said that she 'just freaked out' and has 'changed a lot since then' and she's really sorry. Anyway, we're in constant contact via good old facebook, have gone out 7-8 times in the past couple of months and i'm at the point where it's killing me to know what she's after! Had a coffee date the other night. We talked about it and she says that she really likes me, gets along so well with me, really comfortable with me, doesn't want to hurt me like last time, isn't sure what she wants right now, doesn't want to get into something and have it not work out and then lose me as a friend (Arrrrgghh...the friend zone!) so she's being a little cautious....but the date finishes with her giving me a big kiss. I've told her i'm not going anywhere, not in a hurry so we've left it at we'll just see what happens. She insists that she loves spending time with me but I'm conscious of the fact that i've asked her to go out a fair bit more than she's asked me. Could be the shyness? There's a ball coming up in two weeks that i'd like her to come to. But is this one of those 'give her space' things? What should i be doing here? Can a girl please give me a suggestion!? Haha.
D-Lish Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I don't think the best way to handle it is to inform her you are willing to "wait". That just makes you sound too available to her. It can be a bit of a turn off to know someone is more eager than you are. Her past behaviour is a red flag you shouldn't ignore, so is the fact that she is still claiming she doesn't know what she wants.
Author okgo83 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 I don't think the best way to handle it is to inform her you are willing to "wait". That just makes you sound too available to her. It can be a bit of a turn off to know someone is more eager than you are. Her past behaviour is a red flag you shouldn't ignore, so is the fact that she is still claiming she doesn't know what she wants. Hmm, yeah ok i see your point with the easily available thing. So how should i handle it? If i tell her i want an answer now then isn't that just trying to push her to make a decision? Do you think that she's just not interested in anything more than friends but doesn't want to say it? Or is there a possibility that she really just isn't sure yet? So many questions!..haha..
D-Lish Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Hmm, yeah ok i see your point with the easily available thing. So how should i handle it? If i tell her i want an answer now then isn't that just trying to push her to make a decision? Do you think that she's just not interested in anything more than friends but doesn't want to say it? Or is there a possibility that she really just isn't sure yet? So many questions!..haha.. I wouldn't push her for answers, you'll send her running. I'd just take things slow! I'd also pull back a bit and let her do some of the contacting and date planning. If she doesn't make the effort, I think it's safe to say she isn't all that invested. If someone tells me they aren't sure what they want, I pull away. Don't put all your eggs into one basket- keep dating other people, keep your options open.
Green Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Why would you specificaly want womens advice on this. It always shocks me, its like asking for fishing tips from a fish... If the fish could talk it would tell you that it had never used a fishing rod and had no idea how to tie a hook or set it ect. Look the answer is always going to be pursue... Have you even had sex with this girl? Remember don't pursue with words so much as actions.
Author okgo83 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 I wouldn't push her for answers, you'll send her running. I'd just take things slow! I'd also pull back a bit and let her do some of the contacting and date planning. If she doesn't make the effort, I think it's safe to say she isn't all that invested. If someone tells me they aren't sure what they want, I pull away. Don't put all your eggs into one basket- keep dating other people, keep your options open. Yeah ok. I figured the whole 'take it slow' thing may be the way to go. Little bit impatient maybe? haha It does seem like the easiest way to work out if she's keen or not. But now i just have to decide whether to listen to you or Green!
D-Lish Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Yeah ok. I figured the whole 'take it slow' thing may be the way to go. Little bit impatient maybe? haha It does seem like the easiest way to work out if she's keen or not. But now i just have to decide whether to listen to you or Green! Listen to whomever you want. I'm not even sure what his advice is, except to liken women to fish. When I have issues with dating, I always ask my male friends for insight- and they are always spot on.
Author okgo83 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 Why would you specificaly want womens advice on this. It always shocks me, its like asking for fishing tips from a fish... If the fish could talk it would tell you that it had never used a fishing rod and had no idea how to tie a hook or set it ect. Look the answer is always going to be pursue... Have you even had sex with this girl? Remember don't pursue with words so much as actions. I guess you're probably right mate. I'm open to anybody's opinion to be honest at this stage! Male or female! No, i haven't "even" had sex with her. I'm not sure this matters for this case though. So you're saying that i should continue to ask her out?
Green Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Listen to whomever you want. I'm not even sure what his advice is, except to liken women to fish. When I have issues with dating, I always ask my male friends for insight- and they are always spot on. The difference between when you a girl have issues dating and when us men have issues dating is we are the ones who have to make all the bold moves. A woman is just in the place of getting to accept or reject. This poster is comming from a bad mentle stand point to even be asking himself wether to pursue or back off. If he likes the girl then he needs to all out pursue to the point she either accepts or rejects him. I recomend he be romantic, kiss her pasionatly and touch her, get her all hot and bothered and then undress her and have some hot sweaty sex... that will show her he is serious. I guess you're probably right mate. I'm open to anybody's opinion to be honest at this stage! Male or female! No, i haven't "even" had sex with her. I'm not sure this matters for this case though. So you're saying that i should continue to ask her out? Actualy it matters big time that you havn't had sex with her... because I know the reason you havn't had sex with her... you havn't even tried have you. Thats the key, you are not trying.
Author okgo83 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 Listen to whomever you want. I'm not even sure what his advice is, except to liken women to fish. When I have issues with dating, I always ask my male friends for insight- and they are always spot on. Absolutely. The girl i usually discuss this stuff with is unavailable unfortunately and again with the impatience thing....here i am! Thanks for the advice!
Green Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Absolutely. The girl i usually discuss this stuff with is unavailable unfortunately and again with the impatience thing....here i am! Thanks for the advice! This girl you discuss things with is the reason you are having problems. Be confident, ask yourself do you want this woman? if the answer is yes then pursue her, not so much with words but actions. Put the pressure on her... be romantic about it. Have fun with it. Enjoy yourself, enjoy the tension and the anticipation of whether this will work out or not. Nothing to stress over really. Have fun, and I suggest you thouroughly enjoy this girl
Author okgo83 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 This girl you discuss things with is the reason you are having problems. Be confident, ask yourself do you want this woman? if the answer is yes then pursue her, not so much with words but actions. Put the pressure on her... be romantic about it. Have fun with it. Enjoy yourself, enjoy the tension and the anticipation of whether this will work out or not. Nothing to stress over really. Have fun, and I suggest you thouroughly enjoy this girl Haha! Well, i like your incredible sense of confidence! Would love to just not stress about it and jump right in there but it's a little easier said then done. I guess either way i go it's either going to work out or not soo... Would rather it worked out though so that's where the stress part comes into it! Thanks for your advice too!
Green Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Haha! Well, i like your incredible sense of confidence! Would love to just not stress about it and jump right in there but it's a little easier said then done. I guess either way i go it's either going to work out or not soo... Would rather it worked out though so that's where the stress part comes into it! Thanks for your advice too! Its always easy to say. It is also easily done. People who come on this website looking for answers normaly know what they should do but for what ever reason can't bring themselves to do it. A woman who wanted to lose weight asked for advice, we told her to take a daily walk for atleast 20-30 mins... she never came back and posted that she took her walk... she only came back with more excuses. Women love romance, they don't like a guy who holds back because he is afraid of rejection... you can't lose if you just do what ever you want. I've been in a seriouse relationship for over a year now so its been a while since I've been in your position. What I can tell you is I approach it from a different mind set then you do. I don't hold back, I push the boundaries. Women love a man who can just be himself, the real version. All this backing off talk is pointless... the only reason I would back off from a girl is if she made it clear "NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH" or I myself had lost interest. My advice isn't to pester her or be imature about this... My advice is you take her on a date, and then you invite her back to your place... or when you are dropping her off try to invite urself into her place... make out with her ... fondle her body... and start removing her clothing... or comand her "take off your clothes" ... make some attempt...
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