lomo90 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Hey Guys and Gals I'd really appreciate some advice on my relationship. My gf and I met about 2 years while on a school choir tour in one of the most romantic cities on Earth. There is an age gap, at the time I was 17 and she was 15, but I really liked her from the instance we met. Partly out of a lack of self confidence and partly because of the age gap I didn't try to take it further. Then there was a summer apart and we both came back to school and started talking again. We formed a friendship over a period of about 3 months I'd say and then things started to talk more often and for about 3 or 4 months things stayed the same. We talked more than any normal friends would and yet I still didnt have the confidence to move things any further. Eventually about two months before I left school she moved things forward and started the relationship. Things moved fairly fast and we both wanted them too. We both said "I love you" after about 3 or 4 weeks and we met each other's parents after 4 or 5. We had been so close before that I don't think that was particualary odd. I had planned a gap year before Uni in the UK. We had been together about 3 months when I went on a trip away to do a course abroad which I planned before the realationship started. I was away about 2 months during which we stayed together and talked mainly through emails because of the time difference but did talk through skype etc quite a lot. I got back and the relationship was strong. we stayed together for the next 4 months during which she was still at school and I was unemployed I guess. I then got employed abroad and was away for 3 and half months during relationship stayed strong in my opinion. We talked a lot more than we had during our time apart before, especially after her parents split soon after I left. Now I am back and we recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary. we have always both been worried about how the relationship would continue in the years to come although recently it always worried her more. She is looking to the future and is worried that what we have won't be strong enough to survive a long distance relationship. We both found it hard when we were apart and I'll be going off to uni in september and she will still being at school for another year. Then she'll go to uni (probably still miles and miles from me) and then when I finish my degree she'll still have two years of med school to do and then she'll almost certainly get a job close to where she's studying. She says she wants time apart to discover whether what we have is strong enough. I feel it is and don't understand why all the time we've had apart isn't enough time! Please enlighten me on what this confusing female phrase means. She also she thinks she's held me back this year (which to a certain extent is true) and doesn't want to do that in the future to me. She say she feels guilty for wanting me all the time and feels selfish for monopolizing my time. Then she says now that she wants me to think she's being selfish by ending things cos she finds it too hard to be apart from me. I can honestly see spending the rest of my life with her which may be naive I accept that and I think she thinks it is. I get that she's only 17 and doesn't want to have to think about these kind of things. She says I'm living with my head in the sand that seeing each other only once a month or so will be harder for us than I get and then she brings in the whole "not wanting to hold me back" by me feeling I have to make the effort to come see her. We had a chat (well I say chat a lot of it was silence!) today where she told me she wants to end things. I really appreciate it if you've read this far and would appreciate any advice.
Author lomo90 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 Update on the situation. We had another chat today and apparently things are still very much the same. She feels she has worked too hard for the relationship and that things "shouldn't be this hard". She is going through a lot with all the work she's had at school and with her parents splitting up. I feel the relationship was strong before all this started. She says now that she needs a few days to think things through and write me a letter explaining her feelings.
Author lomo90 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Posted May 22, 2010 After a week of pretty much NC she called me today and asked to meet. We met at the place we first said I love you to each other. She said that she wanted to give things another go and that she's sorry she lied about not being in love with me anymore. (She used the dreaded I love you but not in love with you phrase). She is still worried about the future and is emotionally damaged from her parents splitting but she wants to try to get things to work. We spent the afternoon just sitting, laughing and kissing like we used to. I felt we really connected again. It was awkward of course but we agreed to take things slow and reconnect. I really love her so i've agreed to make things work.
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