Go easy on me - I have a love hot guys fetish!

[crazycatlady]

I, like you, pyroguy, don't understand this. I think that's the bottom line. You and I will NEVER understand this. I only love passionately--and that includes being possessive, and expecting 100% fidelity, and giving that fidelity in return. To me, as well as you I believe, those who can open their sex life simply don't love to a great degree, because it would be the ultimate betrayal and devastating. Open relationships say to me that they married a friend, not someone they are passionately in love with. I don't mean to belittle their love, but...I'll never believe that people love passionately and yet share that very passion with others. Passionate love can't be shared. It's the nature of the beast.

 

Actually you do mean to belittle the love shared in an open marriage. You just said it. That's like saying, "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you are ugly".

 

If you are going to judge, judge. You are wrong. That's not a judgement. That's fact. I know you are wrong because I"m am very passionately in love with my husband. He is very passionately in love with me. And maybe one day, he will also be passionately in love with someone else again in addition to me. Doesn't make his love for me less. You are ignorant in this matter. Unless you are part and parcel to each and every open or poly marriage all you can do is judge when you make statements like that. Only they know the facts. So if you are going to do that, own up that you are judging. Be proud of the fact and admit it. Because contrary to what you think, you aren't morally better then us.

 

Yes, sadly, I think so. That..and money/fame/power etc., Given their reaction to those things, I would say yes.

 

Also, seeing how this is so popular these days, combined with the many stories you hear on this site from women, and what I generally see, I doubt these women are relly into the husbands. I can go on and on to illustrate, but we would be here all day.

 

Honestly, if given a lie detector test and asked who they preferred sexually, and who was more attractive, how many would answer honestly? and how many lies would show up? hmmm.

 

I couldn't care less about money/fame/power. If I find someone sexually attractive and we both agree to have sex, yippy skippy. I had some extra fun. And then I get to come home, tell my H all about it, and probably have more fun. Go me! and Go him!

 

As for the lie detector test, I would be thrilled to take one. When and where?

 

This is finding one hotter guy who the husband can't meausre up to physically, and focusing on that other person, with no involvment from the husband. How can that not knock the self-esteem a bit?

 

I guess I could get the in-love thing too, but maybe not as strong as you. Although, if I was so in-love and attracted to my spouse, I think I would have a hard time going through with this scenario, whether they approved or not. I would just feel guilty and unbalanced.

 

In the end, these folks pick the hottest guy, then say they still are attracted to their husbands. I contend that may not be true, and that they lie to themsleves to keep the candy store open. That's the crux of it. Different strokes for different folks

 

1 - The husband is involved. He's just involved in a more passive state until she gets home and tells him about it. I know my H pushes me to go the first few times alone because he thinks it would help me be more at ease when we finally all get together. He feels more comfortable having been with the extra female first a couple of times before we make it a threesome. It helps all parties be more comfortable and satisfied at the end.

 

2 - I did feel a little guilty in the beginning the very first time I was alone with a guy. It felt very weird. But h and I talked and talk and that eased up quickly.

 

3 - Well since I know I'm still attracted to my H, I believe the OP when she says the same thing. Hot doesn't mean better. Why do men struggle with this?

 

I find this thread interesting I to have this fantasy of having my wife have sex with some one else. I would like to be there but it also excites me to be able to hear about it.

 

For about a year and a half I tried to get the wife to do this but she was never comfortable with it she felt it would hurt are marriage. we even went to a swingers club to check it out. We would pretend when we were alone at home that some one else is with us. Her toy we even call it her boy freind.

 

Well as time went on I relized that I would not be able to handle it. So I guess my wife knew better than I and I am glad it did not happen. But we still fantisize about and for know that is how we are going to keep it.

 

I wish I could hadle it.

 

The best of luck to you.

 

Jurney - sometimes its better in fantasy, and that's good too. No one should ever do what goes against their feelings. I always recommend people do exactly what you guys did before actually trying it. We kept the fantasy for years before we actually did it. Some just keep the fantasy. There isn't a swinger around who would ever say its for everyone.

 

I read what she said differently:

 

"The young guy was not better sex - just so different and so new - I guess it was so much better than I had thought it would be. 3somes and 4somes are really fun but as my husband is there I don't get to unleash like I did when it was just the two of us.

 

Not that I hold back during 3somes etc - it's just I can be a better partner when I'm one on one. For example my young lover had the best body - 6pak abs - i was able to totally emerse myself in his body without worrying my hubby would get his feelings hurt - not that he would or ever does - but.....being able to say things like - OMG ur the best **** I've ever had - adds to the excitement for both of us."

 

I took this as--she can let loose one-on-one, not in 3somes and 4somes. That would include, I assume, one-on-one with her spouse.

 

I did not read that to mean that she needs a hot young guy to really let loose.

 

When she is saying "OMG ur the best"---she doesn't actually mean he's the best, lol. That is just "letting loose" stuff you say during sex--stuff that she doesn't feel comfortable saying while her H is there.

 

But you are assuming details that probably are untrue for people in this situation. Why do you assume the sex at home is mediocre?

 

Of course no one would want to have a tepid love life at home, and then hear that they partner is out getting better elsewhere. But I don't think that is the reality at all.

 

XXOO - that's how i read what she said. Its sex talk. Sex talk is an important part of sex for some people. My H would look at me weird if I talked like that during sex, but its sometimes fun to let loose with another in that manner. You do it because it turns on the other partner (it doesn't do anything for my H, for him I do other things ).

 

One day, XXOO I would love to hear your story about how you managed to get here lol.

 

Uh, you mean she lies to the new younger guy? and she also goes on and on about his "best body" etc, etc. Did you forget all that. It's probably true, and that's the problem.

 

It's not that the home sex life is terrible, but now she gets a real awakening and now what? see, I've heard this before from female swingers- "OMG, OMG, he had this and he had that, he was amazing! uh,uh, oh,oh, but I would still rather be with my husband" C'mon xxoo, we all get it. Only the gullable and those who want to believe see otherwise. Let all these people be honest that in many (not all) they have found a more desorable partner, but love their mate (maybe not in the most romantic way? not sure)and their marriage. Not saying men would be any different, but that is why this is so tricky, and why it can forever alter the home sex life, and not always for the better.

 

Maybe,like most men, I think logicaly and Im very literal. If she has found someone more desirable who can make her wet by just the thought, then why have sex with me anymore? what's the point? why settle? and let me find someone (if possible) who will react to me the way this woman reacts to the other guy-fair enough?

 

Maybe I take it personally when I shouldn't? I workout 5-6 days a week, along with all the other things a wife wants from her husband, and if my wife wants some stranger who does nothing for her in life, yea, it would bother me a bit that that's what life has to offer. I may not quite be a fitness model, but I think she's damn lucky physically-and I think she knows it. This is what I think annoys men about it. Of course, I'm tranferring my feelings, and I guess threadjacking. so, my aplogies.

 

The husband shouldn't worry anymore then the wife should worry when its done in reverse. I don't worry that my H is going to leave me after he finally hooks up with the hot thick latina chick (his life long goal ) with long black hair and monster boobs. There is no way they can compete with me. It just won't happen. And the OP's husband probably has the exact same sense of confidence. I know my H does. The thought doesn't even cross his mind. I asked him about this and he's like "huh?". He can't grasp it.

 

Whoa long answer but didn't want to multipost.

 

CCL

[pyroguy]

Actually you do mean to belittle the love shared in an open marriage. You just said it. That's like saying, "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you are ugly".

 

If you are going to judge, judge. You are wrong. That's not a judgement. That's fact. I know you are wrong because I"m am very passionately in love with my husband. He is very passionately in love with me. And maybe one day, he will also be passionately in love with someone else again in addition to me. Doesn't make his love for me less. You are ignorant in this matter. Unless you are part and parcel to each and every open or poly marriage all you can do is judge when you make statements like that. Only they know the facts. So if you are going to do that, own up that you are judging. Be proud of the fact and admit it. Because contrary to what you think, you aren't morally better then us.

 

 

 

 

I couldn't care less about money/fame/power. If I find someone sexually attractive and we both agree to have sex, yippy skippy. I had some extra fun. And then I get to come home, tell my H all about it, and probably have more fun. Go me! and Go him!

 

As for the lie detector test, I would be thrilled to take one. When and where?

 

 

 

1 - The husband is involved. He's just involved in a more passive state until she gets home and tells him about it. I know my H pushes me to go the first few times alone because he thinks it would help me be more at ease when we finally all get together. He feels more comfortable having been with the extra female first a couple of times before we make it a threesome. It helps all parties be more comfortable and satisfied at the end.

 

2 - I did feel a little guilty in the beginning the very first time I was alone with a guy. It felt very weird. But h and I talked and talk and that eased up quickly.

 

3 - Well since I know I'm still attracted to my H, I believe the OP when she says the same thing. Hot doesn't mean better. Why do men struggle with this?

 

 

 

Jurney - sometimes its better in fantasy, and that's good too. No one should ever do what goes against their feelings. I always recommend people do exactly what you guys did before actually trying it. We kept the fantasy for years before we actually did it. Some just keep the fantasy. There isn't a swinger around who would ever say its for everyone.

 

 

 

XXOO - that's how i read what she said. Its sex talk. Sex talk is an important part of sex for some people. My H would look at me weird if I talked like that during sex, but its sometimes fun to let loose with another in that manner. You do it because it turns on the other partner (it doesn't do anything for my H, for him I do other things ).

 

One day, XXOO I would love to hear your story about how you managed to get here lol.

 

 

 

The husband shouldn't worry anymore then the wife should worry when its done in reverse. I don't worry that my H is going to leave me after he finally hooks up with the hot thick latina chick (his life long goal ) with long black hair and monster boobs. There is no way they can compete with me. It just won't happen. And the OP's husband probably has the exact same sense of confidence. I know my H does. The thought doesn't even cross his mind. I asked him about this and he's like "huh?". He can't grasp it.

 

Whoa long answer but didn't want to multipost.

 

CCL

 

 

Well, you guys are more confident than me , I guess. I'm a flawed person . My wife and sister-in-law think I'm crazy, and I guess that's a compliment,but I have very high standards for myself.

 

As for the "hot being better", that means sexually. If you're attracted to someone more, the sex may very well be better. And, as I've pointed out to you, men are wired differently. It's simply not as fun anymore when your woman desires other men with attributes that are hard to match. It doesn't matter that you want to come home to us-big geal.

 

Also, why is it, if the husband is so attractive, that the wife cannot pick someone in his class of looks? the person will still be new, and since you claim the wife is still SO attracted to the husband, the new person would still be very attractive too, no? why pick someone so out of his league if it isn't about replacing sexually?

 

Ahh, forget it, your husband is in the minority, but you probably have a more fun life than me. So, who am I to talk?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

just CRAZY...... Look I try to be open and understanding, but your story and your relationship is so skewed and f%#'ed up, you'll never recognize how flawed it is.....

 

Unless I am wrong, are you not a nurturer and basically do everything for your husband (I was going to use the word slave, but stopped short). Also is he not sleeping with your sister too (and was doing it behind your back)???? Sorry I really do try and be open minded, but some things just are too much to handle.....

 

By forgiving him, you can say all you want about the lifestyle and your choices being just that yours..... I will choose to not believe them.... I will just think you are suffering "Stockholm Syndrome"....

[crazycatlady]

 

 

Well, you guys are more confident than me , I guess. I'm a flawed person . My wife and sister-in-law think I'm crazy, and I guess that's a compliment,but I have very high standards for myself.

 

As for the "hot being better", that means sexually. If you're attracted to someone more, the sex may very well be better. And, as I've pointed out to you, men are wired differently. It's simply not as fun anymore when your woman desires other men with attributes that are hard to match. It doesn't matter that you want to come home to us-big geal.

 

Also, why is it, if the husband is so attractive, that the wife cannot pick someone in his class of looks? the person will still be new, and since you claim the wife is still SO attracted to the husband, the new person would still be very attractive too, no? why pick someone so out of his league if it isn't about replacing sexually?

 

Ahh, forget it, your husband is in the minority, but you probably have a more fun life than me. So, who am I to talk?

 

I doubt they think you are flawed. I think confidence is a good thing, but I don't think you should have to prove your confidence by letting your wife sleep with younger men either. I'm not advocating an open or a poly life style. I'm just disputing the assumption that its flawed or lesser then a more traditional one.

 

Also...who said picking a hot young stud would be someone better then my H in looks, or in the case of the OP. The only different thing could simply be the young. Young often is the case because they aren't married yet. I can't pick someone in his class of looks because there is no one like him. Its not simply his looks, but also his attitude...his smell (OMG no one smells better then him) everything about him.

 

CCL

[crazycatlady]

just CRAZY...... Look I try to be open and understanding, but your story and your relationship is so skewed and f%#'ed up, you'll never recognize how flawed it is.....

 

Unless I am wrong, are you not a nurturer and basically do everything for your husband (I was going to use the word slave, but stopped short). Also is he not sleeping with your sister too (and was doing it behind your back)???? Sorry I really do try and be open minded, but some things just are too much to handle.....

 

By forgiving him, you can say all you want about the lifestyle and your choices being just that yours..... I will choose to not believe them.... I will just think you are suffering "Stockholm Syndrome"....

 

I was going to respond but why bother?

[pyroguy]

I doubt they think you are flawed. I think confidence is a good thing, but I don't think you should have to prove your confidence by letting your wife sleep with younger men either. I'm not advocating an open or a poly life style. I'm just disputing the assumption that its flawed or lesser then a more traditional one.

 

Also...who said picking a hot young stud would be someone better then my H in looks, or in the case of the OP. The only different thing could simply be the young. Young often is the case because they aren't married yet. I can't pick someone in his class of looks because there is no one like him. Its not simply his looks, but also his attitude...his smell (OMG no one smells better then him) everything about him.

 

CCL

 

But, then why mess with anyone else? you make him sound like jesus. I almost want to do him

 

Also, did you mow the lawn this weekend?

[jenifer1972]

The fact that you can let loose with others intimately more than your husband, and want to do more of it now, without him being part of the experience, in my opinion, spells the first step down the slippery slope of the undermining of your marriage. If you wanted him there at the time, that would, in my opinion, symbolize that you want to keep him number one. Wanting to keep him out is a danger sign, I think.

 

Reminds me of the old adage of the woman who gossiped too much, and a judge gave her a bag of feathers, and said, go spread them to the wind. She did so, and then the judge said, now go and pick up all the feathers and put them back in the bag. Can't be done. Your husband has opened the bag of feathers and thrown them to the wind, and now he will face the consequences, most of which I think he will regret down the road.

[crazycatlady]

 

But, then why mess with anyone else? you make him sound like jesus. I almost want to do him

 

Also, did you mow the lawn this weekend?

 

Well...he doesn't like afternoons and I do. And its fun. Course its been a long time since I've had an extra guy....right now I'm wanting to find one we both can agree on to bring in for a threesome. And also, my drive is higher then his right now, every now and then I get to have twice the fun which I realllly love.

 

And nope, didn't mow the lawn this weekend. I have a lawn guy to come mow it every 10 days or so. Nice young enterprising young man who seems to delight in making me feel very old. But he's cheap and does an amazing job so I can't complain too much.

 

CCL