Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Not likely for me. Like I said, I've come to the conclusion that people are basically full of it, and they are not honest with themselves, brutally honest. Yes, I know, you are different, but so many aren't. Anyway, I didn't try and change what they say. Rather, I simply either don't believe them, and/or just stated my opinion. Also, I never condemned the OP or any other people in similar lifestyles. I just put in my two cents, and stated my sadness for my fellow men. Is that so wrong? I'd just like husbands to be desired like wives want to-the way you stated you wanted to feel. Wh ycan't modern day women get that? But, if the OP's husband TRULY doesn't care, then carry-on. Yes, I'm sure the OP will have a great life with this. Who wouldn't. All the power to the OP.... But like you pyroguy, I doubt she has been 100% truthful...... But I guess whatever floats your boat?????
Ruby Slippers Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I believe women are using their own "madonna-whore" thing. I think they want to be married to a somewhat handsome man, but not too handsome. Someone who is safe, secure, and a good father, but they really want to have sex with a million other men. That's why so many men on this very site aren't getting hot sex or any sex. You could say the same of a lot of men. Most people, women and men, want to get the most desirable partner they can, while also ensuring to the greatest extent possible that the partnership is balanced and promotes fidelity. I learned in high school that the most sought-after men and women are the riskiest partners, generally speaking, because they have so many opportunities elsewhere. My first boyfriend was very good-looking and sexy, and even my closest friends couldn't seem to stop themselves from lusting after him and flirting with him right in front of me. As for cuckold and open relationships, it's some people's thing. I really don't understand why people are so angry and judgmental about honest agreements to have open sexual relationships. It's their relationship, not yours. Why would you get bent out of shape about what other people are doing in their sex lives?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 You could say the same of a lot of men. Most people, women and men, want to get the most desirable partner they can, while also ensuring to the greatest extent possible that the partnership is balanced and promotes fidelity. I learned in high school that the most sought-after men and women are the riskiest partners, generally speaking, because they have so many opportunities elsewhere. My first boyfriend was very good-looking and sexy, and even my closest friends couldn't seem to stop themselves from lusting after him and flirting with him right in front of me. As for cuckold and open relationships, it's some people's thing. I really don't understand why people are so angry and judgmental about honest agreements to have open sexual relationships. It's their relationship, not yours. Why would you get bent out of shape about what other people are doing in their sex lives? Sure I don't get it and never will.... It is how the OP has gone about it and her words.... If her husband is ok, as most have said...... All the power to her.....
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 You could say the same of a lot of men. Most people, women and men, want to get the most desirable partner they can, while also ensuring to the greatest extent possible that the partnership is balanced and promotes fidelity. I learned in high school that the most sought-after men and women are the riskiest partners, generally speaking, because they have so many opportunities elsewhere. My first boyfriend was very good-looking and sexy, and even my closest friends couldn't seem to stop themselves from lusting after him and flirting with him right in front of me. As for cuckold and open relationships, it's some people's thing. I really don't understand why people are so angry and judgmental about honest agreements to have open sexual relationships. It's their relationship, not yours. Why would you get bent out of shape about what other people are doing in their sex lives? Absolutely! men have and still do this. It's just that you always hera about it- madonna-whore complex, but never really hear it in relation to women. From what I'm seeing, it seems women are doing this in droves and then condemning the husband to a life of being with someone who doesn't want them. Do we not see it here from several women? A lifetime is a long time. I'm not getting that angry about it. I simply expressed my sadness for men because this is becoming so prevalent. I know it's not a popular opinion with women, but I have that right. If husbands TRULY love this, then OK, but I just hope the following: 1) I hope it's not a sense of guilt that their not enough. Why is this now becoming so common, along with women's increase in sexual expression? are the men guilty that they can't be her Brad Pitt, so they provide that for her? after all, even 20 years ago,this was not common. It existed, but not like today. 2) I hope men realize that they, like women have the right to be desired too. And, if they are not, it's ok to not want to be in that situation. Life is too short. Like women are now saying,they shouldn't settle. 3)I also hope they realize the following: I find it ironic that so many women on this very site aren't attracted to their husband, even when they state he isn't unattractive. They yearn for others, sometimes cheat, and brag about their lover. Yet, when couples engage in this type of behavior, how come the husband is still desirable? the OM is not a replacement. It's like if she gets her candy, she still finds the husband OK. if after all that he still is fine with it. Then OK. Onelast thing, if the tables were turned, woukld the women still be so into it?
xxoo Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 3)I also hope they realize the following: I find it ironic that so many women on this very site aren't attracted to their husband, even when they state he isn't unattractive. They yearn for others, sometimes cheat, and brag about their lover. Yet, when couples engage in this type of behavior, how come the husband is still desirable? the OM is not a replacement. It's like if she gets her candy, she still finds the husband OK. I think you and TDP are misunderstanding something important. Having an attractive, hard body makes a guy a fun lay, but it does NOT make him overall more attractive or desirable. It IS candy--and candy is sometimes yummy, but I'd rather have the gourmet meal (the partner). She's telling you her H would still be highly desirable to her without the "candy"--but she still enjoys the candy if he H is into her having it. Why would she say "no more candy" if she likes it and her H likes it? Because you don't like it? if after all that he still is fine with it. Then OK. Onelast thing, if the tables were turned, woukld the women still be so into it? If the tables were turned, then the woman would be the one pressuring her husband for 6 months to sleep with a hot young thing. Yes, she would be into it, too. People are not all the same, you know? A lot of it is about personal kink, and compatibility.
crazycatlady Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I think you and TDP are misunderstanding something important. Having an attractive, hard body makes a guy a fun lay, but it does NOT make him overall more attractive or desirable. It IS candy--and candy is sometimes yummy, but I'd rather have the gourmet meal (the partner). She's telling you her H would still be highly desirable to her without the "candy"--but she still enjoys the candy if he H is into her having it. Why would she say "no more candy" if she likes it and her H likes it? Because you don't like it? If the tables were turned, then the woman would be the one pressuring her husband for 6 months to sleep with a hot young thing. Yes, she would be into it, too. People are not all the same, you know? A lot of it is about personal kink, and compatibility. XXOO - you are an amazing person. That's what its like. Its not the husband who is hamburger and the stud the filet that is often stated. Sometimes it seems uncommon that someone who wouldn't be inclined to have that type of relationship can understand the appeal. The married men are not left out. One of the most common things done are threesomes which usually involve a second woman. The unicorn of that lifestyle is the elusive single woman (hopefully bi) who will sleep with the married couple. Most sought after. Its not the single guys. Single guys often pay double entry price at any swinger gathering/club where single women sometimes get in free. CCL
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I think you and TDP are misunderstanding something important. Having an attractive, hard body makes a guy a fun lay, but it does NOT make him overall more attractive or desirable. It IS candy--and candy is sometimes yummy, but I'd rather have the gourmet meal (the partner). She's telling you her H would still be highly desirable to her without the "candy"--but she still enjoys the candy if he H is into her having it. Why would she say "no more candy" if she likes it and her H likes it? Because you don't like it? If the tables were turned, then the woman would be the one pressuring her husband for 6 months to sleep with a hot young thing. Yes, she would be into it, too. People are not all the same, you know? A lot of it is about personal kink, and compatibility. Ok, I'll be open to the fact That maybe I'm missing something. However, if you noticed, both Tood and myself have stated more than once that if he was ok with it, it was cool!. Now can you be open to thefact that women fail to acknowledge how MOST men are wired?. You gals don't get how important a man's sexual relevance is to him. It's the reverse of how a woman is wired. Yes, as we can see women can have no -strings sex, but she is more satisfied with an emotional conection with her husband. The man is validated through sex, and when he feels like he placed in a lower list, denied sex, like some men here are, it actually is rejection. And, I always laugh when women then tell men to act differently from the way they are actually wired. They just don't get it, yet they demand that men understand women. Not all men will admit this, but it eventually comes out in different ways if you watch them closely-that's most men. That's the point where our biggest disagreement comes from. I simply don't believe these women find their husband as desirable as they once did, ifthey ever did. maybe, why should they? if they are playing with such perfection, how do you go back? let's be honest,are these women as excited to be with their husband? as horny? what's that? they've been together a long time the new guy is new?, was she ever this way with the husband? lets be honest. Like I said, to many men, yes, he knows he may be the "better partner", but he also knows that everytime he now has sex, he's been eclipsed, and his wife desires someone else more, and yes I do belive that. Otherwise, she wouldn't get SO excited. If it weren't better, it wouldn't be such a big deal to be with the new guy. I just think these women and and their husbands are not honest with eachother. But, I'll say it for at least the 3rd time, if he is OK with it, it's great. Have a great life! I'm just debating the larger subject in an honest respectful way.
You Go Girl Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Not likely for me. Like I said, I've come to the conclusion that people are basically full of it, and they are not honest with themselves, brutally honest. Yes, I know, you are different, but so many aren't. Anyway, I didn't try and change what they say. Rather, I simply either don't believe them, and/or just stated my opinion. Also, I never condemned the OP or any other people in similar lifestyles. I just put in my two cents, and stated my sadness for my fellow men. Is that so wrong? I'd just like husbands to be desired like wives want to-the way you stated you wanted to feel. Wh ycan't modern day women get that? But, if the OP's husband TRULY doesn't care, then carry-on. Yes, I'm sure the OP will have a great life with this. Who wouldn't. I, like you, pyroguy, don't understand this. I think that's the bottom line. You and I will NEVER understand this. I only love passionately--and that includes being possessive, and expecting 100% fidelity, and giving that fidelity in return. To me, as well as you I believe, those who can open their sex life simply don't love to a great degree, because it would be the ultimate betrayal and devastating. Open relationships say to me that they married a friend, not someone they are passionately in love with. I don't mean to belittle their love, but...I'll never believe that people love passionately and yet share that very passion with others. Passionate love can't be shared. It's the nature of the beast.
xxoo Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 CCL, you are too sweet Now can you be open to thefact that women fail to acknowledge how MOST men are wired? I don't see any evidence here that women don't understand how most men (or women) are wired. THe op and her husband are wired differently. In the end, for my relationship, it only matters how my H and I are wired. That's the point where our biggest disagreement comes from.I simply don't believe these women find their husband as desirable as they once did, ifthey ever did. maybe, why should they? if they are playing with such perfection, how do you go back? let's be honest,are these women as excited to be with their husband? as horny? what's that? they've been together a long time the new guy is new?, was she ever this way with the husband? lets be honest. "These women" may be more horny for their H than you can imagine. Maybe that is why the guy is so secure with the arrangement--because he KNOWS how into him his W is? And if he also enjoys hearing stories of her adventures, well... And a hot body does not equal perfection. Maybe that is part of the communication barrier. Do MOST men equate physical hotness with perfection?
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 [QUOTE=xxoo;2803342]CCL, you are too sweet I don't see any evidence here that women don't understand how most men (or women) are wired. THe op and her husband are wired differently. In the end, for my relationship, it only matters how my H and I are wired. "These women" may be more horny for their H than you can imagine. Maybe that is why the guy is so secure with the arrangement--because he KNOWS how into him his W is? And if he also enjoys hearing stories of her adventures, well... And a hot body does not equal perfection. Maybe that is part of the communication barrier. Do MOST men equate physical hotness with perfection? Yes, sadly, I think so. That..and money/fame/power etc., Given their reaction to those things, I would say yes. Also, seeing how this is so popular these days, combined with the many stories you hear on this site from women, and what I generally see, I doubt these women are relly into the husbands. I can go on and on to illustrate, but we would be here all day. Honestly, if given a lie detector test and asked who they preferred sexually, and who was more attractive, how many would answer honestly? and how many lies would show up? hmmm.
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I, like you, pyroguy, don't understand this. I think that's the bottom line. You and I will NEVER understand this. I only love passionately--and that includes being possessive, and expecting 100% fidelity, and giving that fidelity in return. To me, as well as you I believe, those who can open their sex life simply don't love to a great degree, because it would be the ultimate betrayal and devastating. Open relationships say to me that they married a friend, not someone they are passionately in love with. I don't mean to belittle their love, but...I'll never believe that people love passionately and yet share that very passion with others. Passionate love can't be shared. It's the nature of the beast. See, I'm not sure I even think as strongly as you. I get the appeal, and I even researched the "lifestyle", but I think actually sealing the deal and making it official, especially in this way can be difficult-obviously not for this couple. This is not couples swapping or a threesome. This is finding one hotter guy who the husband can't meausre up to physically, and focusing on that other person, with no involvment from the husband. How can that not knock the self-esteem a bit? I guess I could get the in-love thing too, but maybe not as strong as you. Although, if I was so in-love and attracted to my spouse, I think I would have a hard time going through with this scenario, whether they approved or not. I would just feel guilty and unbalanced. In the end, these folks pick the hottest guy, then say they still are attracted to their husbands. I contend that may not be true, and that they lie to themsleves to keep the candy store open. That's the crux of it. Different strokes for different folks
jurney Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I find this thread interesting I to have this fantasy of having my wife have sex with some one else. I would like to be there but it also excites me to be able to hear about it. For about a year and a half I tried to get the wife to do this but she was never comfortable with it she felt it would hurt are marriage. we even went to a swingers club to check it out. We would pretend when we were alone at home that some one else is with us. Her toy we even call it her boy freind. Well as time went on I relized that I would not be able to handle it. So I guess my wife knew better than I and I am glad it did not happen. But we still fantisize about and for know that is how we are going to keep it. I wish I could hadle it. The best of luck to you.
Lecturer Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Over the last 2 years or so I've heavily read, researched, and even participated in communities for the poly (and other multi-partner) lifestyle. I don't live the lifestyle myself, but I'm fascinated by it and try to be open-minded and never judgmental. That said, I'm still not entirely convinced it is a good idea - certainly not for everyone. There is a lot of logic behind why people might want to do it, but it is easy to fall into a logical trap where you believe the only reason NOT to do it is due to jealousy and insecurity (which is simply not accurate). Even seasoned, experienced participants in these lifestyles will inevitably have drama and gut-wrenching pain from time to time... although maybe they wanted that (some people love that turmoil). I have pondered the philosophy of this lifestyle, and how it defies (and sometimes follows) the history of various societies of man. One thing I realized is something Skump's post refers to: Sometimes doing what's ennobling entails sacrifice. Sometimes it requires that you not give your nuts or your gut what either wants. Just because you're hungry doesn't mean you should eat. Just because you're hurt doesn't mean someone's been bad to you. And just because you want to f*ck someone, doesn't mean you should. We are very much in an era of self-entitlement and self-fulfillment. Even somewhat recent generations would see people living entire lives of self-sacrifice, working decades in misery to support their duty of having children, going off to war and getting killed for the perceived benefit of their country and future generations. I recently attended a funeral for a man in his 80s. As a 5-year old, with his brothers and parents, he came to Canada from Europe in 1932. It was something like a 2-month boat ride in a miserable, cramped ship. This was followed by another 10-day train ride across the country. Arriving in western Canada, they lived in a chicken coop for 2 months until they built their own small house, and moved into it. Throughout his life he always built whatever house he lived in, and -as a farmer - he always worked 12+ hour days. He farmed all his life, probably working harder than any of us can even imagine. Contrast this man to today's average, pampered person. Are we happier than he was? Humans are creatures of contrast; pleasure is relative. Give a starving person some stale bread, and they will be in flavour-country. What might it take to tantalize the taste buds of a person that eats gourmet meals all day, every day? It seems the more we have, the more we need to find joy. A never-ending cycle of pushing the limits. Why is our current society so wrapped up in self-indulgence? Perhaps this change is due to a larger paradigm shift where we now - more than ever before - believe there is no afterlife. People feel this is our only time and we need to get every ounce of pleasure out of life that we can. Did people in previous generations never consider the joy of having sex with a new person? I'm sure they did, but they would generally make the expected sacrifice of their own pleasure and remain steadfast. Certainly there was cheating, of course, but it is only in the last 50 years (particularly the 60s, and what I believe is a re-emergence in the last 10 years) where sexually open marriages are becoming a well known part of society. Are these foolhardy ventures though? Is the decision to deviate from the traditional marriage structure - a structure that has remained the norm for centuries - actually a good idea? Unfortunately, I still don't have the answer.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 (edited) First xxoo.... You read the OP, and it is not at all what she wants, but the words and how she describes it. She wants to go wild and let loose, which she can only do one on one with a Hot Young Stud.... She pretty much says the one time was not enough as she really wants it more and to really let all her inhibitions go. That is what I am fixated on on. Now if her husband wants to be a cuckold, all the power to him. Pyroguy has hit on some very valid points. As I said eventually, if not already she will find a better lover and certainly has found a better looking guy then H, which for the life of me I can't understand why he wants that. So basically all the H offers is security, money and for now thinking he is a better person. So what happens when they fight or he is a prick (always happens) or she meets a better looking, better lover who then offers more security, better conversationalist, and overall is a better person then her H..... Face it can and will happen. She won't know it until it happens, but am convinced it will. Now one other thing that struck me... He only wants to hear her filtered details of the encounter and not see it. Could you imagine/tell me his reaction watching his wife be completely uninhibited and have more/deeper orgasms or do more work, be more excited with another man???? I have to ask did she come home and tell H that "I had the best sex of my entire life". I guess ultimately that is what a true cuckold wants to hear, is it not???? Now pyro also asks what if the shoe is on the other foot, where man finds more attractive female (candy). Now the spouse knows she is not as good looking and he comes home and tells her, that he had a great time and came 5X's (for illustration purposes), and he has never gone twice with you or asked for it, even though you want it. You're okay with that? You see men 90% of the time are the aggressor, do the work and want to please the woman, but here the scenario is he pleased this other woman more then he ever pleased you and it is explained away that all is okay, because you two are married? Hope that made sense.... Why do you think I call myself TDP???? Because I am honest and know my strengths and weaknesses, qualities and faults and never take things for granted. But as we've repeated if that is what he wants, go for it..... I just couldn't for a second understand it. Edited May 21, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic
xxoo Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 First xxoo.... You read the OP, and it is not at all what she wants, but the words and how she describes it. She wants to go wild and let loose, which she can only do one on one with a Hot Young Stud.... She pretty much says the one time was not enough as she really wants it more and to really let all her inhibitions go. I read what she said differently: "The young guy was not better sex - just so different and so new - I guess it was so much better than I had thought it would be. 3somes and 4somes are really fun but as my husband is there I don't get to unleash like I did when it was just the two of us. Not that I hold back during 3somes etc - it's just I can be a better partner when I'm one on one. For example my young lover had the best body - 6pak abs - i was able to totally emerse myself in his body without worrying my hubby would get his feelings hurt - not that he would or ever does - but.....being able to say things like - OMG ur the best **** I've ever had - adds to the excitement for both of us." I took this as--she can let loose one-on-one, not in 3somes and 4somes. That would include, I assume, one-on-one with her spouse. I did not read that to mean that she needs a hot young guy to really let loose. When she is saying "OMG ur the best"---she doesn't actually mean he's the best, lol. That is just "letting loose" stuff you say during sex--stuff that she doesn't feel comfortable saying while her H is there. Now pyro also asks what if the shoe is on the other foot, where man finds more attractive female (candy). Now the spouse knows she is not as good looking and he comes home and tells her, that he had a great time and came 5X's (for illustration purposes), and he has never gone twice with you or asked for it, even though you want it. You're okay with that? You see men 90% of the time are the aggressor, do the work and want to please the woman, but here the scenario is he pleased this other woman more then he ever pleased you and it is explained away that all is okay, because you two are married? Hope that made sense.... But you are assuming details that probably are untrue for people in this situation. Why do you assume the sex at home is mediocre? Of course no one would want to have a tepid love life at home, and then hear that they partner is out getting better elsewhere. But I don't think that is the reality at all.
stuckinoz Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 (edited) No it isn't - unless you're a pig. Woah! really? A bit harsh! OK - A lot harsh!! How is it that when 2 consenting adults decide to do something along this line.....when someone doesn't agree - That gives that person - SKUMP the rights to start slinging names. WOW! There's such a thing as human dignity. A guy who revels in his wife being used as a f*ck toy by other men is pretty pathetic, and no great respecter of her. How does, what you refer to as, human dignity enter into it? Again - THEY - 2 MARRIED CONSENTING ADULTS - have made this decision. Who are you to judge? And just because you want to f*ck someone, doesn't mean you should. And Why Not? If both parties agree? OP - I still stand by what I had said before. If you & your husband are HAPPY - Then that's all that matters. My husband & I were VERY happy (at that time) with this sort of arrangement. It worked & we always had great sex after! It's just too bad I was a rebel & decided not to folllow the "Rules" - As long as you follow the rules that the two of you set down, there's no reson why your marriage can't be a happy one. Go get those young hot guys!!! Edited May 21, 2010 by stuckinoz
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I read what she said differently: "The young guy was not better sex - just so different and so new - I guess it was so much better than I had thought it would be. 3somes and 4somes are really fun but as my husband is there I don't get to unleash like I did when it was just the two of us. Not that I hold back during 3somes etc - it's just I can be a better partner when I'm one on one. For example my young lover had the best body - 6pak abs - i was able to totally emerse myself in his body without worrying my hubby would get his feelings hurt - not that he would or ever does - but.....being able to say things like - OMG ur the best **** I've ever had - adds to the excitement for both of us." I took this as--she can let loose one-on-one, not in 3somes and 4somes. That would include, I assume, one-on-one with her spouse. I did not read that to mean that she needs a hot young guy to really let loose. When she is saying "OMG ur the best"---she doesn't actually mean he's the best, lol. That is just "letting loose" stuff you say during sex--stuff that she doesn't feel comfortable saying while her H is there. But you are assuming details that probably are untrue for people in this situation. Why do you assume the sex at home is mediocre? Of course no one would want to have a tepid love life at home, and then hear that they partner is out getting better elsewhere. But I don't think that is the reality at all. Uh, you mean she lies to the new younger guy? and she also goes on and on about his "best body" etc, etc. Did you forget all that. It's probably true, and that's the problem. It's not that the home sex life is terrible, but now she gets a real awakening and now what? see, I've heard this before from female swingers- "OMG, OMG, he had this and he had that, he was amazing! uh,uh, oh,oh, but I would still rather be with my husband" C'mon xxoo, we all get it. Only the gullable and those who want to believe see otherwise. Let all these people be honest that in many (not all) they have found a more desorable partner, but love their mate (maybe not in the most romantic way? not sure)and their marriage. Not saying men would be any different, but that is why this is so tricky, and why it can forever alter the home sex life, and not always for the better. Maybe,like most men, I think logicaly and Im very literal. If she has found someone more desirable who can make her wet by just the thought, then why have sex with me anymore? what's the point? why settle? and let me find someone (if possible) who will react to me the way this woman reacts to the other guy-fair enough? Maybe I take it personally when I shouldn't? I workout 5-6 days a week, along with all the other things a wife wants from her husband, and if my wife wants some stranger who does nothing for her in life, yea, it would bother me a bit that that's what life has to offer. I may not quite be a fitness model, but I think she's damn lucky physically-and I think she knows it. This is what I think annoys men about it. Of course, I'm tranferring my feelings, and I guess threadjacking. so, my aplogies.
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 No it isn't - unless you're a pig. Woah! really? A bit harsh! OK - A lot harsh!! How is it that when 2 consenting adults decide to do something along this line.....when someone doesn't agree - That gives that person - SKUMP the rights to start slinging names. WOW! How does, what you refer to as, human dignity enter into it? Again - THEY - 2 MARRIED CONSENTING ADULTS - have made this decision. Who are you to judge? And Why Not? If both parties agree? OP - I still stand by what I had said before. If you & your husband are HAPPY - Then that's all that matters. My husband & I were VERY happy (at that time) with this sort of arrangement. It worked & we always had great sex after! It's just too bad I was a rebel & decided not to folllow the "Rules" - As long as you follow the rules that the two of you set down, there's no reson why your marriage can't be a happy one. Go get those young hot guys!!! Well, I can't dispute what you said earlier, but again, of course you love it. You get all the benefits. You get to have your cake and eat it to. If you want to get these "young hot guys" then why don't women just marry one? then, you can have it all the time. Why are you with men that are beneath your maximum desirability, but claim otherwise. xxoo, yes this is why I say, sexually, this is what women want. they have sex with the husband because they have to. Their head tells them he's the better partner, but not who she really wants to have sex with. The hot sex is fueled by the thought of others. To each their own.
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Over the last 2 years or so I've heavily read, researched, and even participated in communities for the poly (and other multi-partner) lifestyle. I don't live the lifestyle myself, but I'm fascinated by it and try to be open-minded and never judgmental. That said, I'm still not entirely convinced it is a good idea - certainly not for everyone. There is a lot of logic behind why people might want to do it, but it is easy to fall into a logical trap where you believe the only reason NOT to do it is due to jealousy and insecurity (which is simply not accurate). Even seasoned, experienced participants in these lifestyles will inevitably have drama and gut-wrenching pain from time to time... although maybe they wanted that (some people love that turmoil). I have pondered the philosophy of this lifestyle, and how it defies (and sometimes follows) the history of various societies of man. One thing I realized is something Skump's post refers to: We are very much in an era of self-entitlement and self-fulfillment. Even somewhat recent generations would see people living entire lives of self-sacrifice, working decades in misery to support their duty of having children, going off to war and getting killed for the perceived benefit of their country and future generations. I recently attended a funeral for a man in his 80s. As a 5-year old, with his brothers and parents, he came to Canada from Europe in 1932. It was something like a 2-month boat ride in a miserable, cramped ship. This was followed by another 10-day train ride across the country. Arriving in western Canada, they lived in a chicken coop for 2 months until they built their own small house, and moved into it. Throughout his life he always built whatever house he lived in, and -as a farmer - he always worked 12+ hour days. He farmed all his life, probably working harder than any of us can even imagine. Contrast this man to today's average, pampered person. Are we happier than he was? Humans are creatures of contrast; pleasure is relative. Give a starving person some stale bread, and they will be in flavour-country. What might it take to tantalize the taste buds of a person that eats gourmet meals all day, every day? It seems the more we have, the more we need to find joy. A never-ending cycle of pushing the limits. Why is our current society so wrapped up in self-indulgence? Perhaps this change is due to a larger paradigm shift where we now - more than ever before - believe there is no afterlife. People feel this is our only time and we need to get every ounce of pleasure out of life that we can. Did people in previous generations never consider the joy of having sex with a new person? I'm sure they did, but they would generally make the expected sacrifice of their own pleasure and remain steadfast. Certainly there was cheating, of course, but it is only in the last 50 years (particularly the 60s, and what I believe is a re-emergence in the last 10 years) where sexually open marriages are becoming a well known part of society. Are these foolhardy ventures though? Is the decision to deviate from the traditional marriage structure - a structure that has remained the norm for centuries - actually a good idea? Unfortunately, I still don't have the answer. This is an excellent post. Yes, this is by far an era of decadence the likes of which we have never seen. I wonder if we're going too far with some of our actions. Only time will tell.
stuckinoz Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Bottom line is - There are guys that "Get Off" (big time) from this type of behavior & there are guys that are repulsed by it. That's what makes us all individuals Doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't make it anything as long as the couple is in agreement.
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Bottom line is - There are guys that "Get Off" (big time) from this type of behavior & there are guys that are repulsed by it. That's what makes us all individuals Doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't make it anything as long as the couple is in agreement. Yup, and agreement being the key word. The agreement is the marriage is like a business partnership, which seems to be what modern day marriage is. Sad but true. This is a great develoment for women, I wish I was one. I'll even give birth
stuckinoz Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 You make it sound gender specific. I personally know 2 marriages where the wife is very much aware of their husbands shenanigans. It may not be a verbal Open Marriage agreement, (or it may be, I'm not at their home to hear their discussions) but for whatever reason they put up with it. And have for years. And, they have no intention of stopping him or ending the marraige. It works for them. I know a bit off point of the initial post of this thread is about. Just sayin' this isn't a gender specific "Issue."
xxoo Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Yup, and agreement being the key word. The agreement is the marriage is like a business partnership, which seems to be what modern day marriage is. Sad but true. This is a great develoment for women, I wish I was one. I'll even give birth Is it any comfort that many (most?) women have no interest in this kind of marriage? Having sex with random men--6 pack abs or not--holds absolutely no appeal to me.
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Is it any comfort that many (most?) women have no interest in this kind of marriage? Having sex with random men--6 pack abs or not--holds absolutely no appeal to me. Eh, who knows what to think anymore. I'm all over the place. The thing is, I don't blame the woman, and us men may be the same. It's just a shame.
pyroguy Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 You make it sound gender specific. I personally know 2 marriages where the wife is very much aware of their husbands shenanigans. It may not be a verbal Open Marriage agreement, (or it may be, I'm not at their home to hear their discussions) but for whatever reason they put up with it. And have for years. And, they have no intention of stopping him or ending the marraige. It works for them. I know a bit off point of the initial post of this thread is about. Just sayin' this isn't a gender specific "Issue." Well, what you are showing seems to be a situation where the woman puts up with it, maybe because she loves her lifestyle. I've seen this before. And, this isn't right either. Maybe they do have an agreement, but I doubt it. Even if they do, I feel bad that most likely the woman can do better.
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