Go easy on me - I have a love hot guys fetish!

[xxoo]

You can't be sexually "free" and "not free" at the same time. Your relationship is no more "open" than any one else's, in that you can only have sex with people that your spouse agrees to. For a monogamous couple that would be restricted to each other only, and since you have stated that complete monogamy would make both you and your husband completely happy, the solution is to close your marriage.

 

rufr, you don't get it. And that's ok.

 

Open marriages aren't a free-for-all. Each couple still sets rules and boundaries. Open marriage simply means non-monogamous, but within the rules the couple decides together. So, no, it isn't being sexually "free"--but "freer" than a monogamous relationship.

 

They may both be perfectly happy in monogamy, but still enjoy the swinging. Why does that bother you so much?

[Els]

OP, I honestly think you might get better advice posting on a swingers/alternative lifestyle board. Sad to say, you may spend more time here defending your choices than getting reasonable advice.

[tnhusband]

Lisa_thewife - I think that you understand the fundamentals of swinging well enough but I think the key that you might be missing is that it's going to be different for every couple. Some like full swap, some like soft swap, girls only, guys only, some like whipped crem and feathers

 

I would bet your husband has some fetishes or just things he'd like to try that he hasn't shared. Why not ask him and then you bring up your desires.

 

If you don't like what he wants - you guys shouldn't do it. And vice-versa.

 

But based on what you have said so far - I don't think you have anything to worry about as far as at least asking him. You may or may not like the answer.

 

My wife likes many things that I go along with because I like them or am at least okay with. There are somethings she wants us/her/me to try that I don't like - and so they don't happen. And vice-versa.

 

Communicate!

 

And ignore idiots - I doubt that your marriage is over -lol

 

Some people get off on being negative - I guess that's their fetish - but you don't have to listen to it.

[rewe4reel]

rufr, you don't get it. And that's ok.

 

On the contrary, I "get it" completely. The issue the OP is dealing with has nothing to do with sex, open vs. monogamous, or anything of the kind.

 

What she is confronting is the more general philosophical dilemma posed by having too many choices.

 

"More" choices does NOT equal "more" happiness. Whether that is more sexual partners, more money, more career options, more automobiles...

 

OP thinks that having an open marriage should naturally lead to an overall "happier" life than a monogamous marriage, or at least equal happiness, because after all--"more" is always better, right?

 

But, it hasn't worked out that way. But she thinks she will be "more" happy if she has even "more" choices of sexual partners beyond what she already has. That's probably not going to be what happens. "More" of anything, beyond a relatively minimal level, does not lead to more happiness.

 

 

 

 

 

Open marriages aren't a free-for-all. Each couple still sets rules and boundaries. Open marriage simply means non-monogamous, but within the rules the couple decides together. So, no, it isn't being sexually "free"--but "freer" than a monogamous relationship.

 

The feeling that one is "free" is entirely subjective. An open relationship is only "freer" than a monogamous relationship to the extent it makes the individual feel that way.

 

In this particular case, OP has stated firmly that both she and her husband would be "perfectly happy" should they choose a monogamous relationship with each other. Right now, in an "open" relationship, she is not "perfectly happy." She knows that if she expressed her true desires to her h, he would not be "perfectly happy" which is the source of her conflict.

 

The obvious solution--the truly "freeing" solution--is to simply have a monogamous relationship, as that would result in "perfect happiness" for the OP and her spouse, by her own statement.

 

 

 

They may both be perfectly happy in monogamy, but still enjoy the swinging. Why does that bother you so much?

 

It doesn't bother me one little bit. It bothers Lisa. That's why she posted.

 

But, she also posted the solution for her problem: monogamy.

 

That's not true of all swingers. Maybe some swingers wouldn't be happy in a monogamous relationship. However Lisa states that she and her husband would be "perfectly happy" in a mongamous relationship with each other. Therefore, the solution is obvious, at least for Lisa, if she wants both herself and her husband to be "perfectly happy." Monogamy.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

rewe4reel.... He's read the post and sees the contradictions also. Go ahead lisa_thewife, tell your husband you are horny for better looking younger dudes, with six-packs that you want to do it on your own, without him watching and REALLY LET GO. Why even bother, go to Ashley Madison..... No idea why you have to bring him into this....

 

And trust me, I am not judging swinging. I don't get it, but understand it.

 

Now I know why ccl supports you, but don't paint others here with a broad stroke, because we read your words and understand the underlying gyst.

 

But of course your H already said he wanted to be a cuckold on a one off and he actually may be happy that you keep it up and eventually do it in front of him..... What the heck do I know????

 

I'll be 100% honest... Could my wife find a better looking, younger, hardbodied guy who is better in bed then me???? I am not delusional and say 100% yes. Will it happen, no chance (at least not now)....... That is because we have what I consider a very good marriage, so I have no worries...... Your husband on the other hand, should worry (i.e. you fantacize about others not him).......

[TinyLee222]

rewe4reel.... He's read the post and sees the contradictions also. Go ahead lisa_thewife, tell your husband you are horny for better looking younger dudes, with six-packs that you want to do it on your own, without him watching and REALLY LET GO. Why even bother, go to Ashley Madison..... No idea why you have to bring him into this....

 

And trust me, I am not judging swinging. I don't get it, but understand it.

 

Now I know why ccl supports you, but don't paint others here with a broad stroke, because we read your words and understand the underlying gyst.

 

But of course your H already said he wanted to be a cuckold on a one off and he actually may be happy that you keep it up and eventually do it in front of him..... What the heck do I know????

 

I'll be 100% honest... Could my wife find a better looking, younger, hardbodied guy who is better in bed then me???? I am not delusional and say 100% yes. Will it happen, no chance (at least not now)....... That is because we have what I consider a very good marriage, so I have no worries...... Your husband on the other hand, should worry (i.e. you fantacize about others not him).......

IMO, men that have this fantasy and want their wives/girlfriends to hookup with other men "cuckold" love living vicariously through their partners. They like being humiliated. They get off on it.They really wish they had the balls to say, "I'd like to be with a man". I think she should go ahead and tell him. I would bet money it wont bother him one bit and he probably would get turned on by it.

 

Lee

[xxoo]

Your husband on the other hand, should worry (i.e. you fantacize about others not him).......

 

If he were so worried, he wouldn't have pushed for 6 months for her to sleep with another man. I know your heart is in the right place, TDP, but I don't think this guy is going to be as hurt as you would be hearing the same words.

 

Also, do you really believe your wife never fantasizes about others? Do you really never fantasize about others? I thought fantasies were healthy and normal (including fantasies about our partners, of course!)

[Toodamnpragmatic]

[/b]

IMO, men that have this fantasy and want their wives/girlfriends to hookup with other men "cuckold" love living vicariously through their partners. They like being humiliated. They get off on it.They really wish they had the balls to say, "I'd like to be with a man". I think she should go ahead and tell him. I would bet money it wont bother him one bit and he probably would get turned on by it.

 

Lee

 

but whatever floats his boat...... Be careful what you wish for.....

[Toodamnpragmatic]

If he were so worried, he wouldn't have pushed for 6 months for her to sleep with another man. I know your heart is in the right place, TDP, but I don't think this guy is going to be as hurt as you would be hearing the same words.

 

Also, do you really believe your wife never fantasizes about others? Do you really never fantasize about others? I thought fantasies were healthy and normal (including fantasies about our partners, of course!)

 

but I do think (and it is what I truly believe) when we have sex, she is in it with me, not some fantasy.... Maybe I am really devoid of imagination as it is with my spouse (of course I can also look at women/pics/tv when not with her and think of others) that I am thinking about when we have sex, not some random female/model/centerfold/bikini model/starlet.

 

Now back to what the OP stated: Much to my husbands delight I am now wearing much more revealing outfits and my libido is through the roof. But I feel guilty as I'm not really doing it for him - I'm hoping for more attention from other men. And the thoughts I have are what's driving my libido.

 

That to me is over the line......

Edited May 19, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[pyroguy]

Exactly why it bothers me so much. That little paragraph tells a lot, and what I always debate with swingers, mostly the female ones and the naive men. I've always felt that women really feel this way.

 

I have had this debate with crazy cat lady when I've been on here before, if she remembers me. The thing is, it seems to be what the husband is into, so who are we to say anything. Then again, like many naive male swingers, I don't think he realizes the extent of his wife's desire for others.

 

For me, it makes me sad to continue to hear these stories. Does any middle aged woman want her husband anymore? are they attracted to the husband anymore? or, are husbands now just the guy who mows the lawn, provides a paycheck, and opens jars? I just don't get why a man would get married anymore, it's insane. Maybe I'm transferring the situation to me, and I don't even have this issue. For me, it's me who worksout relgiously, and my wife who does not. Still, I guess we men imagine this scenario thrust upon us.

 

OP, I wonk kill you, but are you prepared to tell all? will you tell him just how much you desire these men?like in the paragraph Tood highlited.

 

and, for all the women who seem to love this scene (because it usually favors them these days), honestly, how would you feel if your husband was having a great time with Pamela Anderson, or some girl who had attributes you couldn't compare with, and was thinking about her all day? maybe while he was with you? I know many will say otherwise, but I think there would be a different tone here if it was reversed.

 

And, that's not even apples to apples, since women are wired diffently than men. It may be a better question to ask how you would feel if he had some great emotional connection with another women, but amazing sex with you? Well,men are wired in reverse-most of them anyway.

 

OP, if swingers are as honest as they claim to be (and I claim they are not), you will tell your husband just how much you want these guys, in all its gory details. Guys's like me and probably tood are one way, but your husband has already shown that he's different. Maybe it still won't bother him. God bless him. I couldn't be married with that lack of desire, but maybe he's a better man than me.

[crazycatlady]

Exactly why it bothers me so much. That little paragraph tells a lot, and what I always debate with swingers, mostly the female ones and the naive men. I've always felt that women really feel this way.

 

I have had this debate with crazy cat lady when I've been on here before, if she remembers me. The thing is, it seems to be what the husband is into, so who are we to say anything. Then again, like many naive male swingers, I don't think he realizes the extent of his wife's desire for others.

 

For me, it makes me sad to continue to hear these stories. Does any middle aged woman want her husband anymore? are they attracted to the husband anymore? or, are husbands now just the guy who mows the lawn, provides a paycheck, and opens jars? I just don't get why a man would get married anymore, it's insane. Maybe I'm transferring the situation to me, and I don't even have this issue. For me, it's me who worksout relgiously, and my wife who does not. Still, I guess we men imagine this scenario thrust upon us.

 

OP, I wonk kill you, but are you prepared to tell all? will you tell him just how much you desire these men?like in the paragraph Tood highlited.

 

and, for all the women who seem to love this scene (because it usually favors them these days), honestly, how would you feel if your husband was having a great time with Pamela Anderson, or some girl who had attributes you couldn't compare with, and was thinking about her all day? maybe while he was with you? I know many will say otherwise, but I think there would be a different tone here if it was reversed.

 

And, that's not even apples to apples, since women are wired diffently than men. It may be a better question to ask how you would feel if he had some great emotional connection with another women, but amazing sex with you? Well,men are wired in reverse-most of them anyway.

 

OP, if swingers are as honest as they claim to be (and I claim they are not), you will tell your husband just how much you want these guys, in all its gory details. Guys's like me and probably tood are one way, but your husband has already shown that he's different. Maybe it still won't bother him. God bless him. I couldn't be married with that lack of desire, but maybe he's a better man than me.

 

Hey Pyroguy! I remember you and the debates lol.

 

First off I take offense that I can't mow the lawn, open jar or provide a paycheck (ok, until this month I didn't work full time lol but that was an agreement we made together and I'm being silly).

 

Ok silliness aside now. Last night, one of the few men on the side that I actually really enjoyed contacted us by mail on a site we belong to. One we had pretty much dropped off because I was tired of not finding guys who appealed to me, and he had better luck with women in other places.

 

I was thrilled to hear from my friend again. First he was a really nice guy, my H and I both found him polite, nice, friendly and funny. Second he made me feel sexy in a way my H doesn't think to do - H tends to take it for granted that he finds me sexy so he doesn't think to tell me, its a given in his mind and should be in my mind, I don't mind usually, but its nice to hear it sometimes. Finally he's actually pretty good at sex. A little too large for comfort, but his skill makes up for that flaw.

 

My H laughed at me told me to reup our membership so I could mail him back. He has felt bad because I didn't have someone to have outside fun with.

 

H has his own type of woman that he finds very attractive, not the Pam Anderson type. I'm all for him finding women who fit that. Why bother doing it if you are doing someone who doesn't get you hot? No matter how hot, how amazing they are in bed, they still won't be me. I can get him off with two fingers I know his body so well.

 

And i'm late!

 

More later

 

CCL

[stuckinoz]

If I'm TJ'ing here - sorry.......

But - My story is similar to yours.

Husband "pushes" for me to have a good time. Husband enjoys the stories after my encounters. So I get very much how your life is.

 

However, my story took a twist. After about a year of this "lifestyle" I met someone. I decided that hell, my husband really doesn't care about me nor does he care what I do, so I'll keep this one a secret. Just for me! (He never watched, just wanted to hear the stories, lived his life vicariously thru me & he never had his own encounters ~ I've referred to it as a "Modified Open Marriage" ) Well, he found out about the secret affair. Much to my surprise, he wasn't pissed like many that post here are. He didn't climb under a rock & have his own pity party. He really showed little or no emotion. He asked a few questions, I believe, faked the "I'm the hurt husband" for about a day & we went on with our lives.

After that - I put an end to the "Lifestyle" - It screwed with my head. I felt like my husband didn't love me. There was not one ounce of jealousy or anything. I suppose that's the mindframe of a 'cuckhold'....right?

Of course I was wrong. He did & still does love me very much. And would probably go back to that life if I even mentioned it once.

 

Your marriage isn't over - Just talk to him. We don't know him, obviously - but if he's anything like my husband - He will go along with what ever it is you want - Because he wants to make YOU HAPPY

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Stuckinoz, happy it worked for you, but I guess as a cuckold, wouldd you expect any different..... As for the OP, she claims he is Alpha and this is a one-time thing.... Splitting hairs, but I guess we'll wait and see if she does share with us....

 

Thank god not my problem....

[Holding-On]

Exactly why it bothers me so much. That little paragraph tells a lot, and what I always debate with swingers, mostly the female ones and the naive men. I've always felt that women really feel this way.

 

I have had this debate with crazy cat lady when I've been on here before, if she remembers me. The thing is, it seems to be what the husband is into, so who are we to say anything. Then again, like many naive male swingers, I don't think he realizes the extent of his wife's desire for others.

 

If the man is a "cuckold" type then this could be a turn on for him. If he is not then there is such a thing as tact. Having an open marriage does not mean you have to share everything. Do you tell your wife all the unchangeable things that are not perfect about her or do you tell her all the things you love about her? I do the latter with my husband. There is much to love so why would you focus on what is not.

 

For me, it makes me sad to continue to hear these stories. Does any middle aged woman want her husband anymore? are they attracted to the husband anymore? or, are husbands now just the guy who mows the lawn, provides a paycheck, and opens jars? I just don't get why a man would get married anymore, it's insane. Maybe I'm transferring the situation to me, and I don't even have this issue. For me, it's me who worksout relgiously, and my wife who does not. Still, I guess we men imagine this scenario thrust upon us.

This I find quite funny. If you go to the dating threads you will see that middle-aged men are in far more demand, relationship wise than middle aged women. In fact, being out there for poly (not swinger) relationship reveals this most frankly. Essentially you are out there dating and finding out just how great your spouse actually is. (at least that has been my experience)

So, for myself, yes, I am very much attracted to my husband. We've been married a long time and find that we love each other more now. At one point a few years ago, I encouraged my husband to live on our savings while I went back to school so that he could take a breather (an extended vacation). So he wasn't making a paycheck, we had a lawn service and I don't remember about the jars...

 

OP, I wonk kill you, but are you prepared to tell all? will you tell him just how much you desire these men?like in the paragraph Tood highlited.

Again, why should she? This may not be the agreement between the two of them. If he is alpha why would she hurt his feelings this way? What on earth is the point? Would you make a point of rubbing it in to your wife that you like looking at hot young women (a fact that is hardly going to be a surprise to her, rather that you would shove it in her face would be a surprise no?)??

 

 

and, for all the women who seem to love this scene (because it usually favors them these days), honestly, how would you feel if your husband was having a great time with Pamela Anderson, or some girl who had attributes you couldn't compare with, and was thinking about her all day? maybe while he was with you? I know many will say otherwise, but I think there would be a different tone here if it was reversed.

NRE (new relationship energy) does mean that while the chemicals are going, I would expect my husband to think about his newest fling quite a bit. Again, with the tact, he doesn't go on and on. Because we are in this for the long haul, I do not find our relationship wax and wanes all that surprising and do not expect that he's going to have that kind of chemical high with me all through the years on and on. (although the NRE tends to have a rub off effect for us). That type of energy is difficult to sustain with one person. Exhausting!

 

And, that's not even apples to apples, since women are wired diffently than men. It may be a better question to ask how you would feel if he had some great emotional connection with another women, but amazing sex with you? Well,men are wired in reverse-most of them anyway.

It isn't really possible to imagine my husband having amazing sex with me without a good emotional connection because I wouldn't get off, would I, if I didn't feel loved by him. But to answer this part I don't like thinking of him off having meaningless sex. Being poly for me is largely a spiritual choice. I would like to think of him having deep, intimate relationships in this lifetime. I am not sure there is another lifetime. I want the lifetime we both have to be as rich as possible emotionally, spiritually and physically.

 

OP, if swingers are as honest as they claim to be (and I claim they are not), you will tell your husband just how much you want these guys, in all its gory details. Guys's like me and probably tood are one way, but your husband has already shown that he's different. Maybe it still won't bother him. God bless him. I couldn't be married with that lack of desire, but maybe he's a better man than me.

Desire manifests itself differently for different people. This was a potshot and not a nice one at all. I do not see why swingers can't have tact with their spouses. I'm not a swinger and cannot speak for them.

[Lisa_thewife]

I really do appreciate having a place like LS to get all these different opinions - it does help the thought process - on this and other issues.

 

I can even admit to gaining some insight from even the negative posters - lets face it as well as we think we know ourselves and our SO - there's always going to be surprises and new information - I hope so!

 

I did talk to him and he was very understanding. Not sure why i was surprised. I should know better.

 

We have an understanding and an agreement and we are both happy and comfortable.

 

To all those detractors that think this won't end well or I will fall in love, or I will get better sex from someone else - PLEASE PLEASE try to wrap your mind around the fact that other humans do in fact think differently than you do.

 

When posters speak in absolutes it shows your either ignorant or a lazy poster. For those that post with a differing opinion but do it in such a way that it's not mean or an absolute statement - thank you. As i said above - all opinions can be helpful to me - there's just a way to do it productively!

 

I know I'm wasting my breath on some - I know I know...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I really do appreciate having a place like LS to get all these different opinions - it does help the thought process - on this and other issues.

 

I can even admit to gaining some insight from even the negative posters - lets face it as well as we think we know ourselves and our SO - there's always going to be surprises and new information - I hope so!

 

I did talk to him and he was very understanding. Not sure why i was surprised. I should know better.

 

We have an understanding and an agreement and we are both happy and comfortable.

 

To all those detractors that think this won't end well or I will fall in love, or I will get better sex from someone else - PLEASE PLEASE try to wrap your mind around the fact that other humans do in fact think differently than you do.

 

When posters speak in absolutes it shows your either ignorant or a lazy poster. For those that post with a differing opinion but do it in such a way that it's not mean or an absolute statement - thank you. As i said above - all opinions can be helpful to me - there's just a way to do it productively!

 

I know I'm wasting my breath on some - I know I know...

 

Did you show him or read your post???? Were you 100% honest as you were in the OP? Did you tell him the reason you are horny and dress how you do is for other guys' attention???? How about the fact these hot young studs were better looking then him and that you really could open up sexually?

 

Heck did the conversation end with him telling you to go bed some Hot Young Studs, which is what you wanted him to say????

 

Really best of luck. I'm not judging you or know anything about you beyond these posts, so why would I care, outside admitting I am curious and fascinated.

[SummerLady]

1965 called, it wants its theme song back.

 

Hey I got a great idea. Don't get married and screw anyone you want? Or get married and screw anyone you want, oh that's right your doing that already......

[stuckinoz]

1965 called, it wants its theme song back.

 

Hey I got a great idea. Don't get married and screw anyone you want? Or get married and screw anyone you want, oh that's right your doing that already......

 

Knocking a lifestyle because it doesn't fit inside your particular box is ummmmm Interesting:confused:. Just because it doesn't work for everyone doesn't mean that many benefit from this. From what I've read, many couples thrive with this lifestyle. Many crash & burn. It's really a crap shoot & depends on the individual couple.

Mine in particular would have worked had it not gotten in my head. And, had I not had the "secret."

 

Manogamy.....Who's to say it is the ULTIMATE way to live. There is no such thing as Conventional anymore. It is 2010 afterall.

 

We have an understanding and an agreement and we are both happy and comfortable.

 

Good for you. Isn't that what it's all about anyway!

[pyroguy]

If the man is a "cuckold" type then this could be a turn on for him. If he is not then there is such a thing as tact. Having an open marriage does not mean you have to share everything. Do you tell your wife all the unchangeable things that are not perfect about her or do you tell her all the things you love about her? I do the latter with my husband. There is much to love so why would you focus on what is not.

 

 

This I find quite funny. If you go to the dating threads you will see that middle-aged men are in far more demand, relationship wise than middle aged women. In fact, being out there for poly (not swinger) relationship reveals this most frankly. Essentially you are out there dating and finding out just how great your spouse actually is. (at least that has been my experience)

So, for myself, yes, I am very much attracted to my husband. We've been married a long time and find that we love each other more now. At one point a few years ago, I encouraged my husband to live on our savings while I went back to school so that he could take a breather (an extended vacation). So he wasn't making a paycheck, we had a lawn service and I don't remember about the jars...

 

 

Again, why should she? This may not be the agreement between the two of them. If he is alpha why would she hurt his feelings this way? What on earth is the point? Would you make a point of rubbing it in to your wife that you like looking at hot young women (a fact that is hardly going to be a surprise to her, rather that you would shove it in her face would be a surprise no?)??

 

 

 

NRE (new relationship energy) does mean that while the chemicals are going, I would expect my husband to think about his newest fling quite a bit. Again, with the tact, he doesn't go on and on. Because we are in this for the long haul, I do not find our relationship wax and wanes all that surprising and do not expect that he's going to have that kind of chemical high with me all through the years on and on. (although the NRE tends to have a rub off effect for us). That type of energy is difficult to sustain with one person. Exhausting!

 

 

It isn't really possible to imagine my husband having amazing sex with me without a good emotional connection because I wouldn't get off, would I, if I didn't feel loved by him. But to answer this part I don't like thinking of him off having meaningless sex. Being poly for me is largely a spiritual choice. I would like to think of him having deep, intimate relationships in this lifetime. I am not sure there is another lifetime. I want the lifetime we both have to be as rich as possible emotionally, spiritually and physically.

 

 

Desire manifests itself differently for different people. This was a potshot and not a nice one at all. I do not see why swingers can't have tact with their spouses. I'm not a swinger and cannot speak for them.

 

 

Well, given that you have addressed only me, I will respond to you. Then again, your outlook on things is so different than mine, that I don't know if I can.

 

There was no potshot given. I just have a strong opinion, and I don't believe swingers are liars or chronically dishonest. I truly believe they convince themselves of what they want to. So, this way they never really offend their partner.

 

Look, it's very simple. When you choose someone so much hotter than your SO, one has to wonder, "why stay with me, when you can have that sexually?" If you have pizza in Italy, or even the east coast, why eat frozen pizza from the super market anymore? not to insult any husband, but you know what I mean. And yes, I think we are really that shallow in this age. And, who cares about separating sex and love. All the male knows is that EVERYTIME they have sex, she is thinking of the hotter guy. Really, there's a lot more fun to be had than go through a lifetime of that.

 

I believe women are using their own "madonna-whore" thing. I think they want to be married to a somewhat handsome man, but not too handsome. Someone who is safe, secure, and a good father, but they really want to have sex with a million other men. That's why so many men on this very site aren't getting hot sex or any sex.

 

But, alas, I'm thinking outloud, and who cares, the husband in this case is OK with it. I don't know how he could feel good about himself- PHYSICALLY and SEXUALLY-not as a person and husband. I'm sure he's wonderful.

[rewe4reel]

The reality is that no true "alpha male" would tolerate any other man being with "his" primary woman.

 

That's not to say that the "alpha" wouldn't want to have multiple partners, himself. "Alphas" often have double standards in these things.

 

I would be curious to see how such a relationship would actually play out if either the husband or wife were told that their spouse just didn't want to swing anymore.

 

We would be able to see the truth of the assertion that "it's just a hobby" and that the couple would willingly live in a monogamous relationship.

 

As the spouse of a "swinger," I'd be curious to know precisely what my spouse was getting from swinging, that he didn't think he could get from me.

[SummerLady]

Knocking a lifestyle because it doesn't fit inside your particular box is ummmmm Interesting:confused:. Just because it doesn't work for everyone doesn't mean that many benefit from this. From what I've read, many couples thrive with this lifestyle. Many crash & burn. It's really a crap shoot & depends on the individual couple.

Mine in particular would have worked had it not gotten in my head. And, had I not had the "secret."

 

Manogamy.....Who's to say it is the ULTIMATE way to live. There is no such thing as Conventional anymore. It is 2010 afterall.

 

 

 

Good for you. Isn't that what it's all about anyway!

 

Wrong, marriage is by definition between 2 people. You either didn't see the sarcasm in my post or just ignored it. I think its interesting as you say..that one would chose to get marry and screw many many others. Save the dog and pony show and go have fun. But wait that's just my opinion...

[crazycatlady]

Well, given that you have addressed only me, I will respond to you. Then again, your outlook on things is so different than mine, that I don't know if I can.

 

There was no potshot given. I just have a strong opinion, and I don't believe swingers are liars or chronically dishonest. I truly believe they convince themselves of what they want to. So, this way they never really offend their partner.

 

Look, it's very simple. When you choose someone so much hotter than your SO, one has to wonder, "why stay with me, when you can have that sexually?" If you have pizza in Italy, or even the east coast, why eat frozen pizza from the super market anymore? not to insult any husband, but you know what I mean. And yes, I think we are really that shallow in this age. And, who cares about separating sex and love. All the male knows is that EVERYTIME they have sex, she is thinking of the hotter guy. Really, there's a lot more fun to be had than go through a lifetime of that.

 

I believe women are using their own "madonna-whore" thing. I think they want to be married to a somewhat handsome man, but not too handsome. Someone who is safe, secure, and a good father, but they really want to have sex with a million other men. That's why so many men on this very site aren't getting hot sex or any sex.

 

But, alas, I'm thinking outloud, and who cares, the husband in this case is OK with it. I don't know how he could feel good about himself- PHYSICALLY and SEXUALLY-not as a person and husband. I'm sure he's wonderful.

 

Pyroguy - you need to listen to what people are telling you, not try and change what they say to suit your beliefs on it.

 

CCL

[Skump]

Good for you. Isn't that what it's all about anyway!

 

No it isn't - unless you're a pig.

 

There's such a thing as human dignity. A guy who revels in his wife being used as a f*ck toy by other men is pretty pathetic, and no great respecter of her.

 

Sometimes doing what's ennobling entails sacrifice. Sometimes it requires that you not give your nuts or your gut what either wants. Just because you're hungry doesn't mean you should eat. Just because you're hurt doesn't mean someone's been bad to you. And just because you want to f*ck someone, doesn't mean you should.

[crazycatlady]

I really do appreciate having a place like LS to get all these different opinions - it does help the thought process - on this and other issues.

 

I can even admit to gaining some insight from even the negative posters - lets face it as well as we think we know ourselves and our SO - there's always going to be surprises and new information - I hope so!

 

I did talk to him and he was very understanding. Not sure why i was surprised. I should know better.

 

We have an understanding and an agreement and we are both happy and comfortable.

 

To all those detractors that think this won't end well or I will fall in love, or I will get better sex from someone else - PLEASE PLEASE try to wrap your mind around the fact that other humans do in fact think differently than you do.

 

When posters speak in absolutes it shows your either ignorant or a lazy poster. For those that post with a differing opinion but do it in such a way that it's not mean or an absolute statement - thank you. As i said above - all opinions can be helpful to me - there's just a way to do it productively!

 

I know I'm wasting my breath on some - I know I know...

 

Good for you guys. Told ya . Good luck with the rest of your fun

 

CCL

[pyroguy]

Pyroguy - you need to listen to what people are telling you, not try and change what they say to suit your beliefs on it.

 

CCL

 

Not likely for me. Like I said, I've come to the conclusion that people are basically full of it, and they are not honest with themselves, brutally honest.

 

Yes, I know, you are different, but so many aren't. Anyway, I didn't try and change what they say. Rather, I simply either don't believe them, and/or just stated my opinion.

 

Also, I never condemned the OP or any other people in similar lifestyles. I just put in my two cents, and stated my sadness for my fellow men. Is that so wrong? I'd just like husbands to be desired like wives want to-the way you stated you wanted to feel. Wh ycan't modern day women get that? But, if the OP's husband TRULY doesn't care, then carry-on.

 

Yes, I'm sure the OP will have a great life with this. Who wouldn't.