Seriously bitchy housemate

[Cealabeala]

This is a bit complicated but please help.

 

I moved in with my college housemate (Laura) in September and we became really good friends. I used to hang out with her and her friends and she had one male friend she was very close to, called Alex. They knew each other from school and he was always bringing her out with his friends and giving her lifts in his car. Me and Alex got along really well, but I didn't really like him as anything other than a friend. One night we were all really drunk and I hooked up with their friend Jake. It didn't really mean anything and Laura really didn't seem to care.

But it turned out that Alex liked me, and was annoyed that this had happened. I was surprised about this, and I began to kind of look at him differently. By this time Laura had gotten back with her long term boyfriend after they broke up for a few months. She hadn't really made any new friends in college, so she kind of just had me and Alex.

Then me and Alex kissed one night, and when I told her she seemed annoyed. She started making bitchy remarks about how I was working my way through her friends, though she acted like she was just joking and when I asked her if she actually had a problem with it she said no. She was kind of being bitchy in this way in general, like saying mean things in a really sneaky way so I couldn't get mad at her, stuff about how I look. I kind of started to think she wasn't a nice person, because she was always bitching about people behind their backs to me and she would do this sneaky bitchy thing with nice girls who didn't deserve it.

Me and Alex started to really like each other, so I told her I might start seeing him. She said she thought I shouldn't, though she never really explained why. I didn't really care what she thought though and me and Alex started hanging out.

REALLY SOON AFTER, Laura told me her best friend from school was coming to stay with us, Annie. I didn't really think much about this, until the night before when Alex told me that this girl was his ex. Laura knew we were seeing each other and had invited this girl to stay, and had never bothered to tell me she was the ex of the guy I was seeing?! Alex said he was just friends with her now but still, it was weird, especially because Annie was really unfriendly and rude to me when she was at our house.

Anyway, me and Alex started to get more serious and started sleeping together. He asked me to be his girlfriend, but I said I thought it was too soon.

One day Laura came into the house in a bad mood. She was being bitchy in her sneaky way for no reason. Two of Alex's friends, Paul and Lewis, came in to give her a lift somewhere and I said hi to them before they left. When she came back she slipped this into the conversation - "Oh, it was so funny, as soon as we left the house Paul said "I hear Alex booty called Jess (me) last night" and then Lewis was like "Was Jess there?"... haha, he didn't even notice you were there!"

 

I was really pissed off at her, and said I didn't think it was nice of her to tell me that. She said sorry, but I left to hang out with my friends without saying bye or asking her to come. I called Alex to ask if he had said this and he said he hadn't. I believed him, because I knew he genuinely liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend, plus his friend Paul says stupid things like that. I told my friends what Laura had said and they agreed she was being a *****.

Later that day me and my two friends came back to our house and Laura was there with Alex. I ignored Laura and talked to Alex and my friends. We were having a totally normal conversation, and me and Alex were joking with each other and being kind of "coupley"...

Then Laura told Alex she wanted to leave and they left together without her saying bye to me. As soon as they did, my friends told me Laura had been rolling her eyes and making faces at me behind my back whenever I talked to Alex.

I was really angry, and confronted her about it the next day. She said she did it because she didn't like the way I was treating Alex... ? and she was mad because I had stormed out earlier that day and she thought I had overreacted. She also said it was unfair that I had told my friends what she had said, and that she had apologised.

I said she was supposed to be my friend, so why would she tell me something like that just to upset me. I would never have told her what people say about her behind her back (which is that shes a slut who likes to sleep with peoples boyfriends) I said I had told my friends what she said, they could make up their own minds about whether they thought she was being a ***** or not and they did. I asked her one last time if she had a problem with me and Alex and she said no.

The next night I apologised and said I wanted to let it go, but she never spoke to me again after that unless other people were there and she didn't want to seem like a bitch. But if I was in the house alone, she would always come in without saying hello and ignore me when I said hello. If we met in public she would ignore me as well. This carried on until we moved out for the summer.

Me and Alex are still together and we recently changed our realtionship status on Facebook to in a relationship. The next day Laura deleted me (just me) as a friend.

 

So what do you think? The thing we fought over was so stupid and small, why did it result in her never speaking to me again? Do you think she has feelings for him? Or does it have something to do with him being her best friends ex? Or do you think she just had a problem with me because she never made any friends, I did, and she was threatened that her only friend liked me?

 

I'm just baffled by her behaviour. I'm glad shes out of my life, the bitchiness wasn't worth it, but I genuinely don't get what her problem was.

 

Help!

[TaraMaiden]

This is a bit complicated but please help.

 

no, it isn't......

 

I'm just baffled by her behaviour. I'm glad shes out of my life, the bitchiness wasn't worth it, but I genuinely don't get what her problem was.

 

Help!

 

Let it go.

You can never second-guess, or get into somebody else's mind, to see how it works.

Puerile and childish.

That's all it was.

Let it go, move on.

As you said - she's out of your life.

Keep it that way.

[Cealabeala]

Thanks. I guess I just want to understand, because we were friends, and I do feel a bit of sadness about what happened. But your right, I need to let it go.

[blueyedgrl85]

So what do you think? The thing we fought over was so stupid and small, why did it result in her never speaking to me again? Do you think she has feelings for him? Or does it have something to do with him being her best friends ex? Or do you think she just had a problem with me because she never made any friends, I did, and she was threatened that her only friend liked me?.... but I genuinely don't get what her problem was.

Jealousy. She was jealous that her guy friends ended up liking you or giving you attention and not her. Her snide remarks and comments were just her being passive-aggressive. The other antics she pulled only show how truly immature and childish she is. Part of having a friendship is communication, honesty and trust. This girl does not know the meaning of those things.

 

Keep around you people who enhance your life, celebrate your accomplishments, and make you feel good. All the best!

[Cealabeala]

Passive Aggressive, thats exactly the term I needed. Thanks for the help!

[freestyle]

the term,"frenemy' also come to mind........

[Cassablanca]

Wow, I can totally relate to having a housemate like that, having moved out last October.

 

First of all it is a possibility that she did like him and just won't admit it.

 

But as someone said earlier, she may very well be jealous of the fact you have more friends. My previous flatmate in London had few friends and was pretty unreasonable at times and took things out on me whenever anything to do with my friends came up in conversation. Or if I wanted to invite them over, or go out with them etc etc. I did always invite her but she always said no. One day when I confronted her about her unreasonable moody behaviour towards me, she brought up that she was depressed about having fewer friends. Although I felt for her then, I don't feel for her now as there are about a million other despicable, immature things she did to make me feel like she is not my best friend anymore and I am so happy and relieved she moved back to the US.

 

For a while I did ask myself questions about why she was the way she was (when I had been nothing but a perfectly good friend to her). I knew deep down I really didn't deserve her behaviour. But now I have realised it is all over now, and I should be so relieved.

 

Feel the freedom. It's amazing.

[D-Lish]

Jealousy. She was jealous that her guy friends ended up liking you or giving you attention and not her. Her snide remarks and comments were just her being passive-aggressive. The other antics she pulled only show how truly immature and childish she is. Part of having a friendship is communication, honesty and trust. This girl does not know the meaning of those things.

 

Keep around you people who enhance your life, celebrate your accomplishments, and make you feel good. All the best!

 

Good post!

 

I agree that jealousy is at the heart of this matter. It's no wonder she has no friends... I agree that you need to surround yourself with people that make you feel good.

[skydiveaddict]

Good post!

 

I agree that jealousy is at the heart of this matter. It's no wonder she has no friends... I agree that you need to surround yourself with people that make you feel good.

 

 

Yes I agree w/D-lish