rogue23 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Hi people I am in a terrible situation. All of my own doing i'm afraid. I have been with my husband for 8 years this July, married for 3 years this June and we have 2 children together. I love him very much, he's a good man, we have our issues, but generally I know he loves me and support's me. I have a medical condition called Fybromyalgia which sometimes put's me in so much pain I can't even do something as simple as washing up or walking our 2 children to school! He has been good about this from day 1, helping me out when needed (sometimes slightly annoyed about it) but generally very caring. So why then have I fallen deeply in love with someone else? I met this man a while ago and we've known each other fairly well for over a year. Recently my family moved because of my hubby's work. I have been cut off from all my friends and family apart from talking to them online. As such I've been talking to my friend lot's more, we discovered we had a LOT in commen, we started talking more, which led to flirting, which led eventually to us both admitting we had fallen in love with each other! The feeling's are there and they are real, for both us ,he's in a loveless marriage, but i do love my husband. I am ashamed to admit i have let things get physical between us to. I love him so much i don't know what to do. I have always admonished cheaters but now i'm in that boat! My head is all over the place and i don't know what to do. I really need some word's of advice but obviously can't go to my family and dont want to burden my closest friends who have enough of their own problems going on! Please help me.
Bryanp Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you have been doing to him? You are showing a complete lack of disrespect to your husband. The very least you should do is to be honest with your husband with what you have been doing and let him decide how he wishes to proceed. After all he has done for you this is the way you show your love to your husband? He needs to know the truth. It is not just all about you.
Owl Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Your choices are simple...not easy...but simple. 1. Keep the affair going for as long as you can get away with it. 2. Choose to end the affair and stay with your H. 3. Choose to end your marriage. So my advice starts with...pick one of these goals to work towards. You can't pick more than one, as they're mutually exclusive. Once you pick one, I can help you with advice on actions from there.
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 OUCH Bryanp! Not in that exact shade but I kinda agree with Bryanp. I mean, why let things get ugly? Double edge sword here though... you tell your husband be ready to loose it all. Not sure where you see your "in love relationship" with OM heading to. (I love it when someone falls "in love" with another person that strikes a "feeling" but really dont generate the everyday life windmill for them). Quick question for you: Why aren't you "in love" with your H? A man that from the sounds of it makes sacrifices everyday to be there for the person HE loves. Don't be foolish and follow the little hearts flying. You're someone with health issues, children and a wonderful H. You have a lot to consider besides the warm and fuzzy feelings inside. Rather than investing time with someone that fills whatever emptyness you feel you have, apply that same focus to your marriage and family. Better yet, read a book, take on a new hobby ( that your condition wont affect). People sometimes look too much outside the box rather than filling up internally, then find themselves in a huge mess.
lostsunsets Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Wow! Your husband is a lucky guy. He takes care of you while you're sick, and looks after the kids. Then you go screw some other guy. You said that you love this other guy. First off, what kind of love do you have for the other guy? The kind of love you have for your husband that allows you to cheat on him. Is that the kind of love it is? Tell me, do you feel guilty having sex with your husband because you are cheating on the other guy? Do you brush your teeth b4 you kiss your husband after having sex with the OM? Or do you get a laugh out of the thought of your husband having sex with the OM by proxy? On the days when your FM is really bad and you haven't gotten out of bed or bathed, does you husband tell you he loves you? Does he listen to you when you cry. Its OK your husband doesn't deserve your love or fidelity, he is beneath contempt. Now the other man. There's a man. He screws around on his wife. Now that's a man you can love and respect. I wonder if he will wipe your a$$ if you get any sicker?
Author rogue23 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 I'm not going to pretend that I'm not ashamed of what I've been doing. I am ashamed. I do love my husband. He is supportive but I haven't explained myself very well, we don't have a perfect relationship, we do have issues, which i just don't bring up anymore because they always cause arguements that i dont want to have. Is that me being a coward? Being selfish? Probably! I think the problem is I love my husband like I love my mum and my brother's. I will always love him in that respect. Do I see myself spending the rest of my life with him? No is the only honest answer I can give. I don't need you all to tell me i'm a bad person for letting this happen. I know it already. I wish I hadn't done it, but I have, it's done it's out there and I can't take it back now no matter how much I wish I could. I will always hate myself for doing this to him. I am going to end my marriage. I will feel the guilt of this forever, but that is my cross to bare, not his!
jmargel Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 And when you end it, make sure you don't tell him about the affair. Blame him and the lack of communication you two have squarely on him. If you think this other guy is going to be prince charming, remember that when a couple 'falls in love' (which is just infatuation) the best foot is always put forward. When you progress this 'relationship' with this new guy and move in, you will then see all the negativites. His temper, his bad habits, his old ways that you won't be able to change. You will also have a mistrust with him because if he can move in on a married couple and do this, well.. then what else is he capable of? The drama and stress of this new relationship will be it's downfall. It won't last. The excitement, the novelty won't be there after a few months and then you will be wishing this would have never happened. So, instead of fixing what is wrong with you and your marriage by going to counseling, you ditch it to the curb for the next piece of ass. You really need to take a step back and look at your situation as a whole. Having a third person in the marriage will NOT make it work. Going NC, going to counseling and telling your husband the truth is what should be done here. However I don't believe you will even do any of these things.
jnj express Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Hey rogue----so what ARE these problems that ARE so insurmountable that you would go and spread your legs for a scumbag. For this other guy is a scumbag, but you know that don't you---ANY GUY WHO NAILS A MARRIED WOMAN WITH CHILDREN IS A SCUMBAG. You are not gonna end your mge., and you know it----you have 2 kids to take care of, and a medical condition that you need to be gotten thru. You can't work, so what are you gonna do print money. What you have with scumbag is nothing but fantasy----does he lift one finger to take care of anything that is real in your life. You know he doesn't and never will. All scumbag has done is help you wreck the lives of your children forever.---He is some kind of guy!!!!!! Grow up, You have problems, all mge's. have problems the partners work them out----If you and your H. can't work them out then the 2 of you Divorce. Somehow I don't think that will work very well for you. Your H. is following his marital vows and sticking with you thru good and bad, no matter what. Stop justifying your A. with scumbag, go NC, and get back to your family.
Mimolicious Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 rogue- You will have a very sad ending. Once you realize that you made the biggest mistake of your life by basically KILLING your H. People (especially parents) that put their "happiness" first, based on someone else's misery, dont end very peachy! I highly doubt your loverboy measures up to your H, too bad you dont see it. Let me guess... your H sweats too much, he's over-weight, leaves his socks behind, drinks too much?!?!?! Blah, blah, blah... People who want it all, end with nothing.
rewe4reel Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Rogue, Just one question: Does the fibromyalgia hurt you very much when your OM is nailing your tail to the mattress?
jnj express Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Hey rogue----You tell us you love your H., and I would guess you love your kids, or so you would say You know what those are nothing but WORDS, arn't they. Your ACTIONS speak way louder----you love scumbag, some loser who is cheating on his family and probably lying to you also. What do you even know about scumbag---have you EVER VERIFIED any of the lies he has told you. You don't love your family, for if you did---you would not be putting them into a situation, where your kids will have their life changed forever---and your H. will feel pain like nothing he has ever felt before. Is that your way of showing love----That's some kind of love. It is obvious you are never gonna "out" yourself---so stop this nonsense about your soulmate, and true love with scumbag, and try to put the pieces of your mge. back together. Yes it will be terribly hard work, to work on your marital problems, but better that than spreading your legs, for a scumbag loser. You need to go complete NC now, put scumbag out of your head----and try to rejoin your family---remember them, they are your flesh and blood--THEY ARE THE ONES THAT REALLY REALLY TRULY LOVE YOU. It's really sad cuz you don't deserve it, and in their innocence they don't even know it. DO THE RIGHT THING FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE
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