Cantcope Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Not coping well today. Today is 20 days NC. I had replied to one of my friends facebook comeents the other day (she was griping about how guys can't act like gentlemen), and I will admit, certain elements of it did take a stab at him (he's the only one that would know that though, I made a comment about how a real man will walk you to your car at 4am....something he was always too lazy to do and it really bothered me). He sent me a text telling me that he's trying to be nice and say "hi" when he sees me and I'm being a d*ck by posting crap on fb. He said to grow up. I did not respond, nor will I. Here's my concern.....WHEN WILL THE OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS OF HIM GO AWAY? I have realized that I'm more at peace without him, and I'm trying to fill my time, but it's like he hijacked my thoughts and I WANT THEM BACK! How much longer? I'm dying!!! Please.....help....I'm beginning to feel like I'll never be better and I'm doomed to have thoughts of him smiling at the next girl like he used to smile at me. I'm breaking down!
Ilovecake Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Unfortunately you are the only one that can change your thought process. I had to make a conscious effort to not think about my ex and one and half years after the breakup he still pops into my head but when that happens I tell myself NO and do something that requires me to concentrate on something else. The longer you do this the less you will think about him, but you really have to resolve not to think about him. It takes real effort, you can't just sit there obsessing and hope that time make it go away. If you do feel like talking some smack about him come here to LS and type whatever you have to say. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you still care. Edit: And to add block him on facebook this way he won't see any of your posts and you wont see his. The less exposure you have to him the quicker the thoughts will go away.
Author Cantcope Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Thanks! I unfriended him, and thought that was enough. So if I "block" him, and he replied to a friends post, I won't see it at all? And same for him???
collegemommy Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Yay for the 20 days NC!!! I'm so excited for you! I'm glad to hear that you didn't respond to the message. I was thinking about you this weekend wondering if you caved and responded. I'm proud of you!
Author Cantcope Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Thanks! This is the weird thing for me. I miss him, I want to know that he's freaking miserable and suicidal without me...lol BUT....I have NO desire to contact him. OCD runs in my family and unfortunately the obsessive thoughts won't go away, but I am somewhat obsessed with NOT making contact, so hey, I guess every sickness has it's perks. lol I spent 30 minutes in the car SCREAMING at myself this morning to STOP thinking about him. I'm so proud about how far I've come with NC, but I am so terribly disappointed in myself that I won't just let this f*ckbag go! He's not worth the endless hours of agony!
Ilovecake Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Thanks! I unfriended him, and thought that was enough. So if I "block" him, and he replied to a friends post, I won't see it at all? And same for him??? Exactly, it's as if neither one of you exist on facebook. He won't even be able to search for your name on there. I had a lot of issues with my ex trying to get to me through posts on my friends' pages and it kept pulling me back into thinking about him. I really didn't start moving on until I blocked him. Now out of sight out of mind. Go into your account drop down menu, click privacy settings , on the bottom you will see block list, click on that and put his name in. This will bring up his page and then you just click on block.
sandiego Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 A few books that have helped me reduce the mind-chatter and obsessive thinking about my ex: 7 Spiritual Laws of Success - Deepak Chopra The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle Both are very solid reads and really help to keep you focused on the present (not the past or future). If you can learn to accept and surrender to what is, you'll be amazed at how much better you'll begin to feel. Good luck! SD
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