schoel Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me a month and a half ago now. her and i both agree that it was a great relationship with some major problems that weren't being fixed. we would more or less just hug/kiss and make up after major fights, but then the problems would come up again and again. anyway, since then we've had minimal person to person contact, a couple times a week and nothing physical other than hugs. i miss her a ton and love her and continued to tell her that even though i know it's not what she wants right now. either way, she is trying to figure out herself and doesn't want "us". it's been extremely tough for me....and as much as i love seeing her, the "just" freinds thing doesn't work right now. this weekend was her graduation....i saw her out at the bars friday night and we were both very intoxicated. her entire family was there celebrating and they all came up to me and hugged me and we talked, it was good spirited. then my ex came over gave me a huge hug and grabbed on and held my hand. we were extremely flirtatious and the rest of the time there she would come up to me once in a while, we would have laughs, she would kiss my neck, and then walk away. i left the bar finally because it felt too good and i knew it was drunken emotion on her part. the next day, she called me and asked me to come to her graduation and dinner afterwards with her family....i was hesitant because i thought it would be a strange scenario, but i went anyway.....had an awesome time with her family at the graduation....dinner was so uncomfortable though, she and i hardly spoke, and I'm sure the family could feel the tension. Anyway, we ran into each other at the bar later on that night and fought hard. I asked for clarity as to why she invited me to graduation, and she told me because she still considers me a great friend, and i couldn't handle that answer. She's been keeping me at a distance for a month and a half and I haven't been able to move on because we still talk on the phone so much and still see each other, I'm going crazy as if it was the first day. So last night I called her and told her we can't talk anymore. I tried to do it in person but when I asked if she had time to meet up today or tomorrow she said she was too busy. So I calmly told her that I love her too much to be just friends, and that we can't talk anymore. She began sobbing.....telling me things she has never said in the last 6 weeks. She told me she has questioned her decision so many times, that she feels like she threw awan an amazing thing, and that she loves me so much and misses me. My phone died and so I wasn't at my house so the conversation ended....she left two messages crying and saying she loves me and all these other things. I feel like a horrible person today, I'm a wreck. What do you think about this, how should I approach this now. She was adamant about not just leaving an unknown time out there and wanted to set a day that we could contact each other if we wanted. I settled with her on three weeks for no particular reason......my heart is killing me, but I feel like she wasn't going to ever come back and needed to do something so I could get on with my life. Is this a healthy approach, or did I ruin a good thing by telling her this? Extremely torn up...
Author schoel Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 she just wrote me a message on fb saying" I did say I love you on the voicemail because I do, but just not in the same way right now. Trust me you have been the best person in my life over the years. When you feel like we can be friends or you want to talk to me let me know=)" and then she wrote a quote about having to leave the things you love to pursue the things you need....... heartache
Davey McG Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Schoel, Proceed with your plan to cut off all contact with her. You're only going to make things more painful for yourself if you don't. She said to contact her when you're ready to be friends. Do that when you're ready - not before - if you can either be bothered when that time comes. From now on don't answer her calls or emails - just leave it and let her know what life will be like without you. She is still getting emotional support from you and knows she has you round her little finger (you went to her graduation, for example). Stay strong and keep on keepin' on!
Author schoel Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 quick update...been a couple days now........she comments on things i put up on facebook and also on my families....her family also comments on mine.....she called yesterday morning........i picked up, damnit=), i stepped back from the absolutely no contact thing, i didn't want to slam the door like that on somebody of such importance, i'm not mad at her....told her our contact will fade naturally.......she started crying...i told her not to cry and she responded that they were tears of joy that i would allow her to call if she needed.....anyway, despite me pulling back on my word, i still intend on ignoring her for the most part...she tried to chat with me on facebook last night, i logged off right away i also let her know she won't be standing up in my sisters wedding anymore, which is coming up....she fought that really hard saying things might be better by then......oh well, if they are she can be my date i guess..... its been about 7 weeks.....i'm feeling more optimistic now and getting my confidence back...we'll see how this plays out
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