I'm Joe Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Assuming that you have lost your first love. Do the feelings ever totally go away? And can those same overpowering "lovey" feelings ever be felt for a new person? My situation: I am 25. When I was 12 years old I was enchanted with my best friends little sister, who also happened to be 12. (My buddy is older than me.) from then until about 18 I maintained a nervous affection for her. We chit chatted, hung out, and very casually flirted with one another. However like all cowards who are unfortunate enough to be smitten I was caught between the fear of rejection and the fear of not acting. Eventually she fell in love with someone else, dated him, got married and now has a little child of her own. That all concluded about 4 years ago.(It somehow feels so hollow to put the 10 years of emotional roller coaster rides that were my life into one paragraph.) That whole process has put me in a position where I have never had any kind of relationship with a woman. lately I have been very casually going on dates and sometimes more, but never anything that lasts more than a few days. So now I am back on the scene and ready to make an impact in the dating world. Essentially I'm ready to find find the woman of my dreams...But there is one problem. I can't for the life of me drum up any excitement for any of the women I date, I have nothing but total apathy towards them. None of them can seem to match the feeling I had for my first. I am over her in the sense that I no longer trouble myself about what I should do or what might have been. But she seems to have made an eternal stamp on what I think a woman should be. So my question to the older and wiser is. Does any of this sound normal? Did your first love forever cement themselves in you? and is it possible to get that back with a new person? Your imput and personal experiences could really help me.
Eeyore79 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 She wasn't exactly your first love, because you didnt actually have a relationship with her. You were just infatuated with her, and this infatuation is continuing because you've never met anyone else. When you actually have a real relationship with someone, you'll forget all about this girl.
make me believe Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Eeyore is right. I was basically OBSESSED with my first love, and he actually was my legitimate first love because we had a 3.5 year relationship. Even after I broke up with him, I pined over him and thought no one ever gets over their first love, and he'll always be the most important person to me, and blah blah blah. That all changed when I entered new, more mature relationships. Now, 7 years later, I still think fondly of that guy and I appreciate the time we spent together, but I'm completely 10000% over him and I don't romanticize our relationship as something that no one else can ever live up to. When you find the right woman, the feelings that you had for this girl will be nothing compared to what you feel for the new one. Believe me! Don't sell yourself short by convincing yourself that no one else will ever compare. Someone WILL come along and completely take you by surprise.
make me believe Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Btw... you need to realize that a BIG part of the reason why this girl seems so perfect and ideal to you is precisely because you never actually had a relationship with her. You never got to know the real her, inside and out. You didn't see all of her flaws, you only saw the perfect girl you wanted to see. So of course no regular girl is going to compare to the idealised version of this girl that you have in your head.
skydiveaddict Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Assuming that you have lost your first love. Do the feelings ever totally go away? And can those same overpowering "lovey" feelings ever be felt for a new person? My situation: I am 25. When I was 12 years old I was enchanted with my best friends little sister, who also happened to be 12. (My buddy is older than me.) from then until about 18 I maintained a nervous affection for her. We chit chatted, hung out, and very casually flirted with one another. However like all cowards who are unfortunate enough to be smitten I was caught between the fear of rejection and the fear of not acting. Eventually she fell in love with someone else, dated him, got married and now has a little child of her own. That all concluded about 4 years ago.(It somehow feels so hollow to put the 10 years of emotional roller coaster rides that were my life into one paragraph.) That whole process has put me in a position where I have never had any kind of relationship with a woman. lately I have been very casually going on dates and sometimes more, but never anything that lasts more than a few days. So now I am back on the scene and ready to make an impact in the dating world. Essentially I'm ready to find find the woman of my dreams...But there is one problem. I can't for the life of me drum up any excitement for any of the women I date, I have nothing but total apathy towards them. None of them can seem to match the feeling I had for my first. I am over her in the sense that I no longer trouble myself about what I should do or what might have been. But she seems to have made an eternal stamp on what I think a woman should be. So my question to the older and wiser is. Does any of this sound normal? Did your first love forever cement themselves in you? and is it possible to get that back with a new person? Your imput and personal experiences could really help me. Assuming that you have lost your first love. Do the feelings ever totally go away? And can those same overpowering "lovey" feelings ever be felt for a new person? No I dont think they do I can't for the life of me drum up any excitement for any of the women I date, I have nothing but total apathy towards them. None of them can seem to match the feeling I had for my first. Neither can I
stellaluna Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 My first love broke my heart- that was more than 10 years ago. I gave her my whole trust and soul and she gave a blow job to my best friend while I was in the hospital recovering from a car accident- apparantly they "bonded" over the fear of losing me. I'll never give another woman that same advantage to break my heart ever again. I lost my innocent outlook on life after that incident- I don't even want it back. I know what women are like, and I will never be weak again, ever.
Toki Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I hear you I'm Joe, The thing is, is that if you live in a fortress of emotion you don't really get to experience some of the good things a relationship has to offer if you won't give it a chance. Love is a complex series of emotions, and I think no two people really love in the same way. If you walk into a relationship with serious expectation of similar emotions that you had for this girl, you're going to continue being disappointed. You have to understand, that there is no else out there who is going to be quite like her... but, that's not necessarily a bad thing if you're open to the idea of experiencing something new and different. Sometimes our expectations fall way short of the reality, you have to stop expecting to find this girl in each in new female or you're going to continue failing in the ultimate quest of finding "the right one".
Crusoe Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 "Assuming that you have lost your first love. Do the feelings ever totally go away? And can those same overpowering "lovey" feelings ever be felt for a new person?" Yes, they can. When my wife died I didn't believe I could feel the same way about anyone again. Four years later I got together with my ex and my feelings towards her were even stronger. I remember thinking to myself, "I didn't know it could be like this". The thing is, I knew my ex for those four years inbetween, I just didn't "see" her until I let go of the past.
t0ri Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Assuming that you have lost your first love. Do the feelings ever totally go away? And can those same overpowering "lovey" feelings ever be felt for a new person? My first love broke up with me early last year. We dated for 2 years, and I thought I'd never be able to get over him, or feel the way I did about him, about someone else. But I agree completely with makemebelieve. That all changed once I entered into a new, 100% better, more mature relationship with someone new, I realized I was wrong. I don't love my ex anymore, I don't miss him, and hardly ever think about him.
Engadget Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I dated my first love from 18-24, and yes I got over her. I'll always miss what we had, but I won't miss her. For the last two years it wasn't good, cheating, lies and numerous bad things happened.
Recommended Posts