McGrupp Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t211578/ i had this bookmarked and looked at it eveeryday for weeks. i just saw it now and havent looked at it in 3-4 months. pretty much why u should stay NC. anyway...it got me through some dark times. just give it time. youllbe ok
northstar1 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 That is a good thread, not sure how I missed it first time. A few things stuck out: 1) Particularly how a lot of partners (especially women) will think over the relationship for weeks/months and analyze it, talk with family/friends, and if they decide the cons outweight the benefits, they will begin to detach. The may not have someone else lined up, but they will eventually tip the mental scale in their head that it is time to leave the relationship. And there can be signs of this; they become less affectionate, they don't feel the need to spend as much time, they stop making distant plans, they may not contact you as much. And by the time the breakup happens, they've more or less emotionally detached and so for them, the dumper, it isn't as bad a process for them. Some may reflect and realize they made a mistake, but often times if they do contact you, it is for an ego stroke or validation, not that they truly want a second chance. That is where many get stuck in coping. 2)If you go NC with a dumper, they may or may not over time, reflect on the positives and question if they made a mistake etc. Some may never look back at all, and never question the relationship. These are usually the ones who found issue, spent time breaking down the relationship and you in their heads, found enough faults, and detached themselves. If their interest level in the relationship dropped to that point, even if they love you, it is nearly impossible for that to come back. Even more so, if your ex was someone who never did see their faults in a relationship, rather shifts all blame to the dumpee and continues in a cycle of pickup/breakup relationships. But very good post by Denver.
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