Can a long term relationship without sex work?

[Estranged]

I think your best bet Estranged is to find a woman who will cuckold you. Because even women with the lowest sex drives want a lil sex every once in awhile. For me, it wouldn't be possible because I love intimacy of all kinds, emotional, physical, and sexual. But hey, like I said find a woman who wants a boyfriend who doesn't mind being cuckolded (because if you keep this up that's the most you'll ever be able to get long term) and be happy.

 

No... thinking about it I'd rather end up alone. I'm also trying to get away from all the emotional pain associated with relationships etc... So cuckolding would be a mess + she could be bringing back home whatever ****ty disease...

 

Guess I was wrong starting this thread in the first place. What i'm searching for doesn't exist. At least I know now

Edited May 18, 2010 by Estranged

[Green]

No... thinking about it I'd rather end up alone. I'm also trying to get away from all the emotional pain associated with relationships etc... So cuckolding would be a mess + she could be bringing back home whatever ****ty disease...

 

Guess I was wrong starting this thread in the first place. What i'm searching for doesn't exist. At least I know now

 

I think you may be searching for the wrong thing. A romantic relationship is all about sex even if the people involved arn't having it... they still need to be sexualy attracted to eachother.

 

Just be friends with people, maybe if you were friends with a girl that would satisfy you.

 

I think if you got over your fears you would be happier.

[Estranged]

I think you may be searching for the wrong thing. A romantic relationship is all about sex even if the people involved arn't having it... they still need to be sexualy attracted to eachother.

 

Just be friends with people, maybe if you were friends with a girl that would satisfy you.

 

I think if you got over your fears you would be happier.

 

Maybe you're right. I also think that celibacy and abstinence from sex could also do. Ignorance is bliss right?

 

It's so complicated...

[Green]

Maybe you're right. I also think that celibacy and abstinence from sex could also do. Ignorance is bliss right?

 

It's so complicated...

 

Not really, look you sound young... like atleast under 25... Your hornyness will overtake you one day and you'll find a woman... or if that never happnes then ignorance really is bliss. Just be happy, make friends, don't worry about this... its not a problem unless you make it one.

[aerogurl87]

Hmmm both actually. But I'm trying to recapture my state of mind before ever thinking about sex, masturbation and all that BS. I liked reaching orgasm in my sleep before but now it's becoming a nuisance coz I like sleeping!!!

 

If it wasn't for High school, peers etc... nothing would have happened. HS basically stole my childhood and i will always hate them for that.

 

So now whatever the psychological underlinings, I'm getting more and more sure that I want nothing to do with sex.

 

I hate to tell you this, but high school stole nothing, it's called puberty and growing up. As humans mature they get horny because horniness = sex and sex = reproduction. That's a fact of life.

 

With that said, if your having Michael Jackson syndrome with "Have you seen my childhood" you may want to go see a psychologist if you don't already have one. Something seems amiss here, maybe your just asexual as someone else said, I don't know. But I'm sure a great psychologist could help you figure it all out.

[Estranged]

Not really, look you sound young... like atleast under 25... Your hornyness will overtake you one day and you'll find a woman... or if that never happnes then ignorance really is bliss. Just be happy, make friends, don't worry about this... its not a problem unless you make it one.

 

I'm in my early twenties but courting failures aside, the only reason I ever wanted a GF was peer pressure. I never let them see that I was giving in but I was brainwashed into thinking I needed one to be happy and fit in. And eventually I'll be getting married and have kids just to fit in.

 

But now i say **** all that. My post-childhood life has been lies, deceit and misery. I hate HS, religion and society so much now. They corrupted my mind and stole my childhood. Not that I want to be a child again but still, I want to recapture the care-free aspect of it, especially the sexless part

 

At least I have my close friends + family. They are the only ones keeping me sane.

[Estranged]

I hate to tell you this, but high school stole nothing, it's called puberty and growing up. As humans mature they get horny because horniness = sex and sex = reproduction. That's a fact of life.

 

With that said, if your having Michael Jackson syndrome with "Have you seen my childhood" you may want to go see a psychologist if you don't already have one. Something seems amiss here, maybe your just asexual as someone else said, I don't know. But I'm sure a great psychologist could help you figure it all out.

 

My beef is with HS and peer pressure. I just regret being so weak at that time.

 

MJ syndrome? gimme a break... I always hated children... yeah i said it. That has always been the case.

Edited May 18, 2010 by Estranged

[carhill]

Is it possible to find someone who shares these views and with whom I could have a LTR sans intercourse?

 

Yes, I know numerous married ladies who would be happy to have a platonic male 'confidant' and erstwhile companion. Is age a problem? Most are in their 50's. Children are long gone. You must like to travel and your GAD would have to be under control. Let me know. I had this career for a couple of decades but decided intimacy and sex was more.....well, then again, maybe you're right

[Estranged]

Yes, I know numerous married ladies who would be happy to have a platonic male 'confidant' and erstwhile companion. Is age a problem? Most are in their 50's. Children are long gone. You must like to travel and your GAD would have to be under control. Let me know. I had this career for a couple of decades but decided intimacy and sex was more.....well, then again, maybe you're right

 

I must love to travel and control my GAD to:

 

- reach 50 or

- be in a relationship with these women or

- both?

[aerogurl87]

My beef is with HS and peer pressure. I just regret being so weak at that time.

 

MJ syndrome? gimme a break... I always hated children... yeah i said it. That has always been the case.

 

I think you miss my point. Michael Jackson loved kids, but the song is about a loss of innocence and feeling as if you had that innocence stolen from you. So yes it's a case of the "Have You Seen My Childhood" syndrome.

[carhill]

Older women are very particular about companions. Going through a D, I've been told I'm 'complaining too much', hence my advice about the GAD. Done with raising children, I find a lot of such women like to travel solo, as well as with their husbands. It's nice to have a travel companion but with no 'strings'. You can seek these women out now. They're out there. If you're good company, you'll have a lot of fun and perhaps come away with a different opinion of women.

 

Most women, and people in general, enjoy intimate sexual relationships, or at least desire them at some point in their life. Given your parameters, the pool of single, unattached potentials will likely be quite small. If you don't mind drama, there are some emotional vampires who might like you for an orbiter, but I don't know if they would satisfy your companionship requirement as they tend to devour their prey and leave the carcass behind. Still, that's a possibility. No worries about sex. They won't want you for that.

 

If anything else comes to mind, I'll let you know. Give yourself another generation and you'll develop the same sense of 'humor' about it that I have

[giotto]

Have you thought of becoming a monk? Seriously...

[Green]

Have you thought of becoming a monk? Seriously...

 

He said he hates religion

[giotto]

He said he hates religion

 

maybe an hermit, then... still a bit religious, but at least he doesn't have to put up with anybody... men or women... and I'm sure God will leave him alone if he asks politely...

[Star727]

My husband and I are in our 50's and married for 23 years. Sex was never a big deal to him. He liked it, we did it, but he never made it a priority. I am 5 years younger than him and it was priority with me. I needed it on a regular basis and now that I'm 50 something and menopausal, my sex drive has hit an all time high.

 

Five years ago he had prostate cancer surgery so you can imagine what that now means. He didnt have a big sex drive to begin with and now its just about gone completely.

 

The good news is that he understands my needs and takes care of me orally and we have bought sexual toys that he uses on me so I am always sexually satisifed. The few times he feels he needs sex, I am on it instantly!

 

Yeah, I'm sad that we do not have the kind of sex life that is "normal". But I also know that you are not going to have a "perfect life" 100% of the time. Hell, it could have been me with a problem that prevented having sex. I am patient with him and understanding because I know it bothers him to no end.

 

He had mentioned that maybe I should take a lover on the side but I told him I couldnt do that. I said I swore before God and others that I would love him through sickness and in health, forsaking all others... This is just how we have to live and I'm okay with it.

 

Now if he had been depressed about his no sex drive and because of it, he wouldnt touch me at all, then we'd have a problem. But he is making sure I'm sexually satisfied so all is well.

[Eeyore79]

Hmmm both actually. But I'm trying to recapture my state of mind before ever thinking about sex, masturbation and all that BS. I liked reaching orgasm in my sleep before but now it's becoming a nuisance coz I like sleeping!!!

 

If it wasn't for High school, peers etc... nothing would have happened. HS basically stole my childhood and i will always hate them for that.

 

So now whatever the psychological underlinings, I'm getting more and more sure that I want nothing to do with sex.

 

Don't listen to anyone who says that you can't have a loving relationship without sex. Some people are entirely asexual, but they are still capable of love and companionship. While it's true that such people are somewhat rare, they do exist; there are even asexual dating services online nowadays.

 

I'm not 100% convinced that you are asexual though; it sounds more like some sort of trauma in your adolescence has put you off sex. Perhaps something that happened at high school? If you think about it, I'm sure you can put your finger on the events that have left you feeling like this... maybe you should talk about those things with your counsellor.

 

I can relate to the feeling of anger about having your childhood destroyed by school and peer pressure; I was bullied mercilessly at school, and never had a boyfriend; in fact people would say "Eww, disgusting... Eeyore has a crush on you!" as a put-down. They basically made me think I was completely undesirable and unattractive, and that even being seen with me was an embarrassment... if I was a guy myself, I would never have had the nerve to ask a girl on a date... luckily I'm a girl so the guys do the asking! When I left school, the first time someone asked me on a date I thought it was a cruel joke, and it took the poor guy two months to persuade me that it wasn't a wind-up.

 

I still think that the best thing for you would be to get to know some girls as friends, and if an attraction develops just go with it... I think you might feel differently about sex if you had a trusting relationship with a girl you cared about. I say this because I had no interest in sex myself, until I met my first boyfriend... my school experience had basically wiped all romantic ideas from my mind and convinced me that nobody would want me anyway, but I felt differently once I met someone who I trusted and had feelings for.

[Estranged]

Don't listen to anyone who says that you can't have a loving relationship without sex. Some people are entirely asexual, but they are still capable of love and companionship. While it's true that such people are somewhat rare, they do exist; there are even asexual dating services online nowadays.

 

I'm not 100% convinced that you are asexual though; it sounds more like some sort of trauma in your adolescence has put you off sex. Perhaps something that happened at high school? If you think about it, I'm sure you can put your finger on the events that have left you feeling like this... maybe you should talk about those things with your counsellor.

 

I can relate to the feeling of anger about having your childhood destroyed by school and peer pressure; I was bullied mercilessly at school, and never had a boyfriend; in fact people would say "Eww, disgusting... Eeyore has a crush on you!" as a put-down. They basically made me think I was completely undesirable and unattractive, and that even being seen with me was an embarrassment... if I was a guy myself, I would never have had the nerve to ask a girl on a date... luckily I'm a girl so the guys do the asking! When I left school, the first time someone asked me on a date I thought it was a cruel joke, and it took the poor guy two months to persuade me that it wasn't a wind-up.

 

I still think that the best thing for you would be to get to know some girls as friends, and if an attraction develops just go with it... I think you might feel differently about sex if you had a trusting relationship with a girl you cared about. I say this because I had no interest in sex myself, until I met my first boyfriend... my school experience had basically wiped all romantic ideas from my mind and convinced me that nobody would want me anyway, but I felt differently once I met someone who I trusted and had feelings for.

 

Let's be friends, shall we? lol

 

Seems like asexuality is like homosexuality etc... where those guys didn;t actually chose it. So I guess I don't fall in that category. I'm actually choosing to repress everything sexual. But I still can't help getting hard just thinking about women.

 

I'm ok with tests prior to having sex when it comes to first times but there's still no guarantee my supposedly SO will stray at some point later in the relationship and get infected.

 

I still think of myself as some sort of pariah but much less than in HS. I would take a bullet no problem for my few close friends and family but I just can't trust anyone for ****. And I'm not just talking about sex when it comes to that.

[Estranged]

I think you miss my point. Michael Jackson loved kids, but the song is about a loss of innocence and feeling as if you had that innocence stolen from you. So yes it's a case of the "Have You Seen My Childhood" syndrome.

 

As long as you're not calling me a ****ing pedophile it's ok. But I admit that sometimes I find myself reminiscing about pre-HS life when I listen to some songs. (Not MJ songs, I hate him too)

[Els]

Actually, as you are a male I believe it is quite possible. There are women who do not enjoy sex - some go their entire lives without an orgasm. And even then intercourse does nothing for some women who do enjoy orgasms. I honestly think that if you are willing to touch and hold her with intimacy and love, there are women who would be willing, happy even, to forgo intercourse. Granted these women are usually traditional, sexually-repressed women who have had it drummed into their heads from birth that sex is just a duty that you owe your husband, and you can expect no pleasure from it. Also, men from traditional, conservative societies usually are horrible lovers, so I think for them, you would be no worse, with the perk of not even needing to have intercourse with you.

 

As you are young though, I honestly think one day you will get curious, accept a blowjob with a condom or something, and change your mind entirely from that day henceforth.

[Estranged]

Actually, as you are a male I believe it is quite possible. There are women who do not enjoy sex - some go their entire lives without an orgasm. And even then intercourse does nothing for some women who do enjoy orgasms. I honestly think that if you are willing to touch and hold her with intimacy and love, there are women who would be willing, happy even, to forgo intercourse. Granted these women are usually traditional, sexually-repressed women who have had it drummed into their heads from birth that sex is just a duty that you owe your husband, and you can expect no pleasure from it. Also, men from traditional, conservative societies usually are horrible lovers, so I think for them, you would be no worse, with the perk of not even needing to have intercourse with you.

 

As you are young though, I honestly think one day you will get curious, accept a blowjob with a condom or something, and change your mind entirely from that day henceforth.

 

Yeah I'm not against holding hands, cuddling, hugging etc... I could live with that kind of women i guess, provided I can trust her.

 

I personally have nothing against people having oral sex but I just don't get why they would do that. Getting so many germs in their mouth ... disgusting...

[Els]

I'm in my early twenties but courting failures aside, the only reason I ever wanted a GF was peer pressure. I never let them see that I was giving in but I was brainwashed into thinking I needed one to be happy and fit in. And eventually I'll be getting married and have kids just to fit in.

 

But now i say **** all that. My post-childhood life has been lies, deceit and misery. I hate HS, religion and society so much now. They corrupted my mind and stole my childhood. Not that I want to be a child again but still, I want to recapture the care-free aspect of it, especially the sexless part

 

At least I have my close friends + family. They are the only ones keeping me sane.

 

 

Okay. Now having read this, I believe you shouldn't have a relationship at all. If your sole purpose of having a GF is due to peer pressure, you should do both yourself and the girl a favour, and not have one.

[Green]

maybe an hermit, then... still a bit religious, but at least he doesn't have to put up with anybody... men or women... and I'm sure God will leave him alone if he asks politely...

 

He said he enjoys friends and family so being a hermit would be lonely.

 

I'm actually choosing to repress everything sexual. But I still can't help getting hard just thinking about women.

 

I'm ok with tests prior to having sex when it comes to first times but there's still no guarantee my supposedly SO will stray at some point later in the relationship and get infected.

 

This was the way I saw your situation the entire time. I was some what like you when I was younger. Wasn't until after college when I had my first kiss. The hornyness builds up and makes you brave enought to face all the fears... the fear of rejection, sickness, and what ever else just pale in comparison of the hornyness at a certain point. You meet a girl and you just start obsessing about her, you want to see her naked, you want to touch her naked, you want to be inside her and maker her scream.

 

The fears of what might happen are always worse then the things themselves. You can't go through life being afraid, if you get an STI or hurt in some other way at least you lived your life.

 

As you are young though, I honestly think one day you will get curious, accept a blowjob with a condom or something, and change your mind entirely from that day henceforth.

 

For his sake I hope the hornyness eventualy helps him over come the cage that is his mind. His fear holds the key.

[Eeyore79]

Seems like asexuality is like homosexuality etc... where those guys didn;t actually chose it. So I guess I don't fall in that category. I'm actually choosing to repress everything sexual.

This is exactly my point. You're not asexual, you do desire sex, but you have created some sort of mental block for reasons only known to yourself. It's this mental block that you need to work through... you need to think about what caused it, and realise that it's probably irrational and based on things that happened a long time ago. Are you sure you really don't want sex and a committed relationship, or are you only saying that out of fear and mistrust? (I used to say the same thing when I was a teenager, but it was based more on mistrust of men than on lack of desire for a relationship).

 

I'm ok with tests prior to having sex when it comes to first times but there's still no guarantee my supposedly SO will stray at some point later in the relationship and get infected.

No, there is no guarantee that your SO will never stray. But if you're close to her and you love each other, she probably won't. The important part is to make an informed choice when selecting a partner; you need to choose someone you can trust. Trust seems to be the part you're really struggling with here

[Estranged]

This is exactly my point. You're not asexual, you do desire sex, but you have created some sort of mental block for reasons only known to yourself. It's this mental block that you need to work through... you need to think about what caused it, and realise that it's probably irrational and based on things that happened a long time ago. Are you sure you really don't want sex and a committed relationship, or are you only saying that out of fear and mistrust? (I used to say the same thing when I was a teenager, but it was based more on mistrust of men than on lack of desire for a relationship).

 

Well, I was always looking to have a girlfriend and have sex just to please other people (read so-called friends). So, now that I am really doing things for myself only, I can't do that anymore. That would go against everything I believe in right now i.e. not let anyone dictate my actions. If I get a girlfriend and have sex, society wins, I lose.

 

No, there is no guarantee that your SO will never stray. But if you're close to her and you love each other, she probably won't. The important part is to make an informed choice when selecting a partner; you need to choose someone you can trust. Trust seems to be the part you're really struggling with here

 

But yeah, even if I still wanted a girlfriend, or could get one in the first place, I still wouldn't be able to trust. I've been screwed over so many times in my life. This stops right now.

[Eeyore79]

It is not you versus society. I used to feel like that myself, until I realised that society didn't actually give a damn what I did, so even when I thought I'd won, I hadn't. You should just do what makes you happy, and not think about society. If not having a girlfriend makes you happy, then great, don't have a girlfriend.

 

I'm a bit confused though... you said you don't want sex, you only ever wanted sex in order to be socially acceptable, which would imply you don't have sexual desire, but earlier you said you do have sexual desire! You said you're not asexual, and you do have sexual desire, and you said you want companionship, and those things are basically what a girlfriend would offer. So you don't want a girlfriend, but you want what a girlfriend would offer... I'm confused!

 

I'm not convinced that you genuinely don't want a relationship or sex... you make it sound like you've just ruled it out for various reasons, reasons which have nothing to do with whether you feel sexual desire or want the companionship of a partner. You obviously have some issues with trust too, and I'm guessing it all comes from the same source?