Estranged Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Title says it all. Like most people, I don't want to end up alone though there would be nothing wrong with it in my case. I personally don't want to have kids (nuisance), don't believe in marriage (religious/societal BS) and am not interested in sex (various reasons). As much as i hate to admit it, I long for a confident of the opposite sex (trustworthy, caring etc...). But I would like something more than just friendship. Friends eventually find their SO and I will gonna end up alone yet again. I'm not looking for a mother figure if that's what you're thinking. Is it possible to find someone who shares these views and with whom I could have a LTR sans intercourse?
ScaredHubby Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Physical intimacy is supposed to be an expression of love. It sounds to me like what you are looking for is a platonic relationship, which although is a great idea in theory, is really an unlikely thing in this world. Although I don't know your particular reasons for not being interested in sex, it seems unlikely to me that a long term relationship would work without some form of physical intimacy.
Author Estranged Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Physical intimacy is supposed to be an expression of love. It sounds to me like what you are looking for is a platonic relationship, which although is a great idea in theory, is really an unlikely thing in this world. Although I don't know your particular reasons for not being interested in sex, it seems unlikely to me that a long term relationship would work without some form of physical intimacy. Realistic reasons: I'm the polar opposite of a stud and a nice guy + I have zero experience in dating and all that BS. Personal reasons: I can't trust people for ****, especially with my (sexual) health, except for doctors. I don't want to wake up one day with some STI knowing that I could have prevented it by not having sex. Guess I'm just dreaming after all.
ScaredHubby Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Maybe not dreaming. I think you need to re-examine your reasons. Trusting people with your sexual health is as easy as using protection, or in the case of a longer term relationship insisting on testing before intercourse. Being the opposite of a 'stud and a nice guy' is likely a self-deprecating view. Everyone has their own form of beauty. If someone is interested in being with you and having sex, then a simple test will resolve the rest. If they didn't think you were nice or attractive, then you wouldn't reach that point.
Author Estranged Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Maybe not dreaming. I think you need to re-examine your reasons. Trusting people with your sexual health is as easy as using protection, or in the case of a longer term relationship insisting on testing before intercourse. Being the opposite of a 'stud and a nice guy' is likely a self-deprecating view. Everyone has their own form of beauty. If someone is interested in being with you and having sex, then a simple test will resolve the rest. If they didn't think you were nice or attractive, then you wouldn't reach that point. Yes but protection isn't 100% foolproof. And correct me if i'm wrong but **** like HIV can take up to 10 years to be correctly diagnosed. I read it somewhere I think. It could be false or I may have dreamed it. So, unless I have concrete proof that the other person is disease-free, there's no way I'm having sex with anyone.
ScaredHubby Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 That's where the testing comes in. I have never entered into a committed relationship without both of us going in together to be tested for STD's. The only time that something like HIV will wait for 10 years to be diagnosed is if the symptoms are being diagnosed rather than the disease itself. An STD test would show HIV immediately.
Author Estranged Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 That's where the testing comes in. I have never entered into a committed relationship without both of us going in together to be tested for STD's. The only time that something like HIV will wait for 10 years to be diagnosed is if the symptoms are being diagnosed rather than the disease itself. An STD test would show HIV immediately. Didn't know that . Not that I don't believe you but if you cared to share a link from verified sources that supports what you just said. I'd be grateful. STIs aside, I just can't accept how sex could be sooo important. Especially in my case where I don't want kids, what would be the point of having sex in the first place? so complicated...
ScaredHubby Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 This will give you some info... http://www.hivtest.org/faq.cfm It's not that sex is so important, though, it's the chemical reactions that it causes in the human body. The physical intimacy stimulates a lot of hormonal reactions, probably (speculating.. no facts on this part) to encourage long-term bonding between potential mates. That, and it feels pretty darned good.
Green Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 So are you some kind of virgin? If I were single and fell in love with a girl like you, I would try to seduce you even though you said you didn't want to have sex. I would push the boundaries little by little. Like if you were willing to get naked and let me touch your body that would be cool. As for the STI's or STD's as I always think of them... I would recomend we both get tested for what ever STI's you were worried about. I would also try to wear you down on the sex, as I'm not one to give up. If i got you to the point where you were willing to just let me have my way with you, I'd be cool with that.
Frog in Love Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 That is a very good idea of which i have been consider sometime, Platonic love is what i look forward, I got self-contradict , I want a long term relationship, but sex always plays a part and seems to make it low-graded,and sex is a nature of human being, we cant resist when the chamical comes,maybe that is the original beauty of love that attracts us. so let us just set up a scentific and natural attitude on this, and take good advantage of this, sex is not about all of love, but it helps, so when it comes, just accept it, and enrich your relationship with other contents.i blieve love is not all about sex, but sex is indispensable for love, but i can live without it. i just want to be with someone and happy forever.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Title says it all. Like most people, I don't want to end up alone though there would be nothing wrong with it in my case. I personally don't want to have kids (nuisance), don't believe in marriage (religious/societal BS) and am not interested in sex (various reasons). As much as i hate to admit it, I long for a confident of the opposite sex (trustworthy, caring etc...). But I would like something more than just friendship. Friends eventually find their SO and I will gonna end up alone yet again. I'm not looking for a mother figure if that's what you're thinking. Is it possible to find someone who shares these views and with whom I could have a LTR sans intercourse? I am 90% sure, but you are male and I take it very young. It's cliche to say what you do about children and marriage, but there is so much more then your trite comments about it. Have you even learned to explore yourself and have an orgasm? Have you even kissed a girl? Are you possibly homosexual (not that there is nothing wrong with that)? And if you are male, why do you have a female avatar? Let me tell you straight out, you need counseling....
Eeyore79 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 The vast majority of women are going to want marriage and children. Your best bet might be an older divorced woman with grown-up kids from a previous relationship; she is less likely to want marriage and kids because she had it already.
xxoo Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Personal reasons: I can't trust people for ****, especially with my (sexual) health, except for doctors. I don't want to wake up one day with some STI knowing that I could have prevented it by not having sex. Since you trust doctors, I recommend you visit a doctor you trust and discuss your sexual desires and anxieties with him, and go from there. In answer to your question in your title, yes, sex without marriage can probably work, but it would take finding a partner with sexual desires and anxieties that match your own. Google "asexual support group" and you'll find some stuff that may interest you.
TinyLee222 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 I am 90% sure, but you are male and I take it very young. It's cliche to say what you do about children and marriage, but there is so much more then your trite comments about it. Have you even learned to explore yourself and have an orgasm? Have you even kissed a girl? Are you possibly homosexual (not that there is nothing wrong with that)? And if you are male, why do you have a female avatar? Let me tell you straight out, you need counseling.... If that doesn't hit the nail on the head I don't know what does! What happened to you or what are you running from to make you feel like this? Come to terms with it and your life will be so much happier and uncomplicated. Lee
Green Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 The vast majority of women are going to want marriage and children. Your best bet might be an older divorced woman with grown-up kids from a previous relationship; she is less likely to want marriage and kids because she had it already. I am 90% sure, but you are male and I take it very young. It's cliche to say what you do about children and marriage, but there is so much more then your trite comments about it. Have you even learned to explore yourself and have an orgasm? Have you even kissed a girl? Are you possibly homosexual (not that there is nothing wrong with that)? And if you are male, why do you have a female avatar? Let me tell you straight out, you need counseling.... Since you trust doctors, I recommend you visit a doctor you trust and discuss your sexual desires and anxieties with him, and go from there. In answer to your question in your title, yes, sex without marriage can probably work, but it would take finding a partner with sexual desires and anxieties that match your own. Google "asexual support group" and you'll find some stuff that may interest you. So are you some kind of virgin? If I were single and fell in love with a girl like you, I would try to seduce you even though you said you didn't want to have sex. I would push the boundaries little by little. Like if you were willing to get naked and let me touch your body that would be cool. As for the STI's or STD's as I always think of them... I would recomend we both get tested for what ever STI's you were worried about. I would also try to wear you down on the sex, as I'm not one to give up. If i got you to the point where you were willing to just let me have my way with you, I'd be cool with that. After reading the other posts, I realized that you are checked off as a male in you info... Sorry for assuming you were a girl. The answer to your question is very different then. Yes you can have a relationship... But it will take a very special girl. It is smart to think about STI's but you seem to fear them, and fear women. If I were you I would just live each day one at a time. Are you sexualy attracted to women?
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 You dont want to have kids. you dont want to get married and you dont want to have sex!?!? WTF kind of human being are you! you just want a friendship for the rest of your life. That's a stupid thing to believe for the whole of your life. Because at the end of the day, certain men are gonna want kids, certain men are wanting to get married. and most men will want to have sex!!!! It is inevitable. If i have a girlfriend...we will have sex. if she does not and makes excuses as to why she wont i wont be there much longer. A man can only take so much rejection!!! What kind of life is that to aspire to, this must be a joke. I have similar feelings with marriage and kids but those can change in the right situation with the right woman. Like i would like kids with the right woman to raise them, i would like marriage with a woman who wants to be and desires to be my one and only. but sex. there's no negotiations. lol.
Green Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 You dont want to have kids. you dont want to get married and you dont want to have sex!?!? WTF kind of human being are you! you just want a friendship for the rest of your life. That's a stupid thing to believe for the whole of your life. Because at the end of the day, certain men are gonna want kids, certain men are wanting to get married. and most men will want to have sex!!!! It is inevitable. If i have a girlfriend...we will have sex. if she does not and makes excuses as to why she wont i wont be there much longer. A man can only take so much rejection!!! What kind of life is that to aspire to, this must be a joke. I have similar feelings with marriage and kids but those can change in the right situation with the right woman. Like i would like kids with the right woman to raise them, i would like marriage with a woman who wants to be and desires to be my one and only. but sex. there's no negotiations. lol. At first I mistakenly thought the OP was a girl. But then I looked at his gender and it said Male. I think when its the woman who is afraid of sex things might work out, because the man will want sex and he will romance her and get those clothes off and things will heat up. But if as in this case it is the man who doesn't even want to have sex... well than it becomes real dificult to get a gf. Some other horny guy will just come along and steal her away from you.
Author Estranged Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 That is a very good idea of which i have been consider sometime, Platonic love is what i look forward, I got self-contradict , I want a long term relationship, but sex always plays a part and seems to make it low-graded,and sex is a nature of human being, we cant resist when the chamical comes,maybe that is the original beauty of love that attracts us. so let us just set up a scentific and natural attitude on this, and take good advantage of this, sex is not about all of love, but it helps, so when it comes, just accept it, and enrich your relationship with other contents.i blieve love is not all about sex, but sex is indispensable for love, but i can live without it. i just want to be with someone and happy forever. How about mutual masturbation? with gloves... lol I am 90% sure, but you are male and I take it very young. It's cliche to say what you do about children and marriage, but there is so much more then your trite comments about it. Have you even learned to explore yourself and have an orgasm? Have you even kissed a girl? Are you possibly homosexual (not that there is nothing wrong with that)? And if you are male, why do you have a female avatar? Let me tell you straight out, you need counseling.... I'm a male and in my early twenties. I only started to really explore myself recently and I can "reach orgasm" only in my sleep; no I never kissed a girl. I went back to counseling last week just like my doctor suggested. I have a female avatar for what's written on her mouth. It basically reflects my state of mind. The vast majority of women are going to want marriage and children. Your best bet might be an older divorced woman with grown-up kids from a previous relationship; she is less likely to want marriage and kids because she had it already. Yeah that could work. I won't need to worry about raising those brats up, college etc... Since you trust doctors, I recommend you visit a doctor you trust and discuss your sexual desires and anxieties with him, and go from there. In answer to your question in your title, yes, sex without marriage can probably work, but it would take finding a partner with sexual desires and anxieties that match your own. Google "asexual support group" and you'll find some stuff that may interest you. Already discussed. which is why I went back to counseling. I never thought about googling that. so simple... After reading the other posts, I realized that you are checked off as a male in you info... Sorry for assuming you were a girl. The answer to your question is very different then. Yes you can have a relationship... But it will take a very special girl. It is smart to think about STI's but you seem to fear them, and fear women. If I were you I would just live each day one at a time. Are you sexualy attracted to women? Yes I am sexually attracted to women :S. You dont want to have kids. you dont want to get married and you dont want to have sex!?!? WTF kind of human being are you! you just want a friendship for the rest of your life. That's a stupid thing to believe for the whole of your life. Because at the end of the day, certain men are gonna want kids, certain men are wanting to get married. and most men will want to have sex!!!! It is inevitable. If i have a girlfriend...we will have sex. if she does not and makes excuses as to why she wont i wont be there much longer. A man can only take so much rejection!!! What kind of life is that to aspire to, this must be a joke. I have similar feelings with marriage and kids but those can change in the right situation with the right woman. Like i would like kids with the right woman to raise them, i would like marriage with a woman who wants to be and desires to be my one and only. but sex. there's no negotiations. lol. I have other non-carnal related ambitions...
Author Estranged Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 (edited) At first I mistakenly thought the OP was a girl. But then I looked at his gender and it said Male. I think when its the woman who is afraid of sex things might work out, because the man will want sex and he will romance her and get those clothes off and things will heat up. But if as in this case it is the man who doesn't even want to have sex... well than it becomes real dificult to get a gf. Some other horny guy will just come along and steal her away from you. Yeah it seems my avatar is a great source for confusion. I'll change that right away. I forgot to mention that I'm not homosexual nor homophobic. I went back to counseling last week just like my doctor suggested. I just got out of depression recently, realizing my quest for a SO was in great part responsible for my depression. If it wasn't for my so-called friends I wouldn't be like that. But I was still told that I had GAD, which is why meditation is next apparently. Edited May 17, 2010 by Estranged
Disciple of Mystery Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 dude you are gonna end up alone unless you have options to different women
Author Estranged Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 You will most likely have to find a woman who wants the comfort of something stable (like you're offering) while being allowed to see/have relations with whomever she chooses. It could happen. Would it last forever? Dunno...most women, even if they don't want children NOW, eventually do. god damn maternal instincts dude you are gonna end up alone unless you have options to different women Care to explain the second part of your sentence? Either way, I'm set to end up, whether I actually want LTS, marriage, sex etc... or not.
Eeyore79 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I only started to really explore myself recently and I can "reach orgasm" only in my sleep; no I never kissed a girl. I went back to counseling last week just like my doctor suggested. Yes I am sexually attracted to women :S. OP, do you think you are asexual (i.e. no interest in sex whatsoever), or are you actually attracted to women and you're just scared of sex because of issues such as STIs and lack of experience? It sounds like the latter; on some level you do actually want sex, but you're somewhat afraid of it. Since you said you can only reach orgasm in your sleep, I think that one of your priorities should be to explore yourself and learn how to give yourself an orgasm. Do you have negative feelings about engaging in something like masturbation? Some people find it difficult for reasons such as religion etc. But I think you need to learn about yourself before you consider what you want from other people. I think additional counselling could really help you, because it doesn't sound like you genuinely don't want sex, it just sounds like you have some fears about it and some mental barriers. You may find that you actually do want to have sex in the context of a long term relationship with a decent girl who has had STI tests to put your mind at ease. Perhaps you should try dating, and at least kiss a girl, and see how you feel. If you have emotional feelings for a girl, if you love her, then maybe your viewpoints about some of these issues might change.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 What kind of man doesnt want sex??? Why dont you do yourself a favor. chop it off now and lock it in the box forever. I have other desires too, like money. I think money would make me happy, but you have to add things to it. if you dont want kids, sex or marriage. Then dont go looking for a girlfriend. Even a woman who's hot blooded wont wait for a man to make a move. Dude have you even had sex? lol.
aerogurl87 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I think your best bet Estranged is to find a woman who will cuckold you. Because even women with the lowest sex drives want a lil sex every once in awhile. For me, it wouldn't be possible because I love intimacy of all kinds, emotional, physical, and sexual. But hey, like I said find a woman who wants a boyfriend who doesn't mind being cuckolded (because if you keep this up that's the most you'll ever be able to get long term) and be happy.
Author Estranged Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 OP, do you think you are asexual (i.e. no interest in sex whatsoever), or are you actually attracted to women and you're just scared of sex because of issues such as STIs and lack of experience? It sounds like the latter; on some level you do actually want sex, but you're somewhat afraid of it. Since you said you can only reach orgasm in your sleep, I think that one of your priorities should be to explore yourself and learn how to give yourself an orgasm. Do you have negative feelings about engaging in something like masturbation? Some people find it difficult for reasons such as religion etc. But I think you need to learn about yourself before you consider what you want from other people. I think additional counselling could really help you, because it doesn't sound like you genuinely don't want sex, it just sounds like you have some fears about it and some mental barriers. You may find that you actually do want to have sex in the context of a long term relationship with a decent girl who has had STI tests to put your mind at ease. Perhaps you should try dating, and at least kiss a girl, and see how you feel. If you have emotional feelings for a girl, if you love her, then maybe your viewpoints about some of these issues might change. Hmmm both actually. But I'm trying to recapture my state of mind before ever thinking about sex, masturbation and all that BS. I liked reaching orgasm in my sleep before but now it's becoming a nuisance coz I like sleeping!!! If it wasn't for High school, peers etc... nothing would have happened. HS basically stole my childhood and i will always hate them for that. So now whatever the psychological underlinings, I'm getting more and more sure that I want nothing to do with sex.
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