iwanttolive Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 (edited) There are so many things happening, I don't know if anyone's at fault or if everyone's at fault. There's me, my fiance and a third party. I was really happy with my fiance but little things start to creep up and build into resentment within me. It started with some bad sex. He has erectile dysfunction. He could get it up but halfway through when we change position it would go down and he has problem getting it up again. He would make me give him a bj and I'd feel really disgusted because it's halfway through sex. He would also make me moan to get him high. I've talked to him about this and he has stopped asking me for bj halfway thru sex. But I can't get the disgusting feeling out of my head and he still has his dysfunctional issue. He would also wake me up in the dawn when he hardens. It has made me resent him because I'd feel really tired at work in the day. He claims that I did not understand his needs. During the weekend, it's not enough just to have sex in the dawn. After I sleep for another 3 hours he would want it again. Halfway thru when he could not get it up, he would caress my body for a long time until it feels sore :'( And I would not feel good anymore.. At those times I'd really feel like I wanna die, I really hated my life. And then in my office I got close to a coworker and begins to feel attracted to him. We both feel guilty and we are now minimising contacts. But we both can't get each other out of our heads. My fiance is also getting fatter and he sweats alot. Im starting to lose my attraction for him. But he's such a wonderful and kind man. He loves me alot and he would be really devastated if I leave him. I do love him too for all the little things he does for me. I don't know what to do anymore! I hate my life now... Relationship is so complicated. I don't know what's the right way to do. Shouldn't you accept your partner's weaknesses? Then why am I like this??? I also can't stand his 3-year-old nephew who's taken care of by his mom. He's a really spoilt brat who seeks attention all the time. He can't live apart from his mom because his dad has passed away. His mom don't get along with her other children so she has to live with us. On the other hand, I've been living alone for 15 years and I need alot of personal space. You see, there are so many issues to be sorted out, I don't even know where to begin... Am I being shallow and selfish??? Am I to put up with my partner's situation? Edited May 17, 2010 by iwanttolive
Samantha0905 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 It sounds like you shouldn't marry him to me. If you have all of that going on and you aren't even married yet, that's not a good sign at all. From what I read, it sounds like the sex life isn't that great for you, you don't sound attracted to him much as you bring up the over weight issue also, plus you've developed an attraction for someone else while engaged. If you are getting all these red flags before you get married, for goodness' sake -- don't get married. It's not a requirement. Find someone with whom you can be completely happy. I don't think it's a good reason to marry someone if you're just doing it because he would be devastated if you leave him -- you know? He'll be fine over time and both of you will be better off if you don't marry someone with whom you're not in love.
Author iwanttolive Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Thanks, Samantha.. What if the problem is me? What if I date another guy and pick faults with him over time? Is there anything that I can do?
locamia Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 You are not the problem. You are just not 100% compatible with your fiance. When you find the right person these things would not bother you. Even the ED I'm sure would be frustrating but you would figure out how to work with it together. I am even wondering if maybe your husband senses that you are becoming turned off by him and this is causing him to lose his confidence and therefore his hard-on. I don't think you should marry him and I really don't think you should marry him just because you feel too bad to leave him. This would not help either one of you and the issues you have with him will become much more prevalent.
FarmGirl Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 You have all the time in the world to get married. Getting divorced is traumatic to your life & your finances so do not enter into this lightly... You don't sound attracted to your future H...and it doesn't get better AFTER marriage. Think long & hard about whether you can stand this type of treatment for years??? Take a break maybe? Regroup & look at this with fresh eyes in a few months? Good luck.
xxoo Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 During the weekend, it's not enough just to have sex in the dawn. After I sleep for another 3 hours he would want it again. Halfway thru when he could not get it up, he would caress my body for a long time until it feels sore :'( And I would not feel good anymore.. At those times I'd really feel like I wanna die, I really hated my life. Don't marry him under these conditions. You should never be "submitting" to anything in bed that is painful to you, or that makes you feel like you hate sex or your life. ED or not, sex should not be all about one person's needs. I don't know if you are simply incompatible or not. I don't think any woman would be "compatible" with the way your fiance is approaching his ED issue. Has he been seen by a doctor? Are ED meds a possibility? If he is gaining weight and having ED, has he been checked for diabetes? It is great that you recognize the resentment creeping in now. A lot of people push down and deny the resentment until it is too late. If you really love your fiance, and want to build a life with him, get some counseling together to work on communication and meeting both partner's needs. Until and unless you feel that the issues you've brought up here have been resolved in a way that works for both of you, do not marry him.
Samantha0905 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Thanks, Samantha.. What if the problem is me? What if I date another guy and pick faults with him over time? Is there anything that I can do? There's nothing wrong with you. If you date another guy and feel the same, perhaps he's not the guy either. I think if you meet someone you truly want to marry, all of these types of problems will not be surfacing during engagement. Yes, when married and/or in long term relationships some problems will invariably surface and if there's enough love there -- the two of you will work through it. I don't think you should spend so much time stressing over the future. Just don't marry someone you are not in love with. As I said, he may very well be hurt -- but he'll work through it over time, as will you.
Mimolicious Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 This guy shouldn't be your fiancee for much longer. If you get married this is going to be a nightmare!! you shouldn't marry this person if you have these kind of issues and you are cheating.
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