Nukulus Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Well folks I just got back from a first date with a girl that I've been talking to for a couple weeks or so and it kind of ended with mixed feelings. I feel the date wasn't bad, but I'm not sure it was good either. Just some background info- Last semester I worked in a university computer lab as a GA where I offer tech support by way of helping students/faculty etc. She is a student that used the lab so I saw her on occasion, though I didn't know her. Eventually towards the end of the semester it came down through the grape vine that she had developed a bit of a crush on me, thought I was really good looking, etc. However, she was very shy, thought I didn't know she existed... that kind of thing. Initially I didn't really pursue anything because it was the end of the semester and I had a lot of other stuff going on, but eventually during finals week we hung out with mutual friends at a bar and a seperate time at a party and really seemed to hit it off. We agreed to go out to dinner (the date tonight) and seemed pretty excited about it. The week leading up to the date she was out of town, but we were in contact daily by texting/calling and what not. She initiated and I initiated so I was feeling good about that. So today the date. We decide to go out to dinner to a nice locally owned italian restaurant we both like. There was conversation throughout and there wasn't really any awkward pauses like there can tend to be in these situations. We also decided to order dessert (which I took as a good sign that she wasn't in a hurry to leave). I ended up paying for the meal despite her protestations and she left the tip because she wanted to contribute... which I appreciated very much. All in all we were probably there for about 2 hours. On the way back to her car (parked at my apartment complex) she called her friend in town that she was staying with to see what was going on with her friend and friends family due to graduation. She wanted to see them (the friends family) before they left. She told them she'd be there in a half hour or so. So we talked on the way back and when we got back to my place she came in for a minute before she needed to leave. She kind of said something about if she didn't have to stay with her friend (her lease doesn't start for like 10 days at her new place) we could have just hung out and watched tv or what not. Anyways I asked if I could see her again before I leave next friday (going on a conference to colorado) and she said yes and she'll text me. We hug and she leaves. There wasn't really any awkward "Do I kiss her?" moment, and there was really only one moment where I could have... but being a first date and knowing that she is shy and fairly religous, and the fact that I am shy I didn't really want to push things... About 30-40 minutes I texted her thanking her for letting me take her our and that I had a good time, and that I was looking forward to seeing her again "assuming she was willing. haha". Anyways as of yet she hasn't responded but that's not a big deal. So anyways, what do you all think? Good? Bad? Mediocre? I'd like to think I'm leaning towards it being a good date, but I can't help shake that feeling in my gut that maybe it wasn't that awesome or something. Or that she had a good time but might no longer see me as dating material... I dunno haha. I guess I'll see soon enough really. thanks for reading.
Ihavenoidea Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Text book date imho. It went well, you both seemed to enjoy eachother company so ya id say it was a good date. Call her in a couple days or something. Her calling her friend while she was still with you bothers me a bit, she could have just she had to go and called her friend then but whatever, thats the information age for ya. If your question is only was it a good date id say ya it was ok, but if your question is will it lead to anything that is hard to say. I have been on more first dates that were AWESOME and have led to nothing so who knows on that one.
Author Nukulus Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Just gonna have to wait and see. From my experiene there are two types of girls that you experience after the first date: the "OMG he just texted me right after our date, he's too needy" (in which case you should text a day or two after just to show interested). Or there is the "OMG he didn't text me right after our date (becuase you were waiting for a day or two) and they take that as a sign you didn't like the date". It sounds like she might be right in the middle. If she was super interested she would have responded. The problem is you get these awkward "multiple goodbyes" if you text after a date where you say "thanks for coming out" and she goes "thanks for inviting me" even though you both already said your goodbyes in person. It's a tough fence to walk. The only way to really do it is judge what kind of person she is and try to adapt accordingly. Good luck buddy! Yes I've experienced these two girls. And given my experience with her after the party we hung out at last week where she was texting me after she left on the same night saying she had a good time I figured she was the "omg he didn't text after the date he didn't have fun" But maybe your right and perhaps she's in the middle. I think I'll just leave it for now and see if she ever responds. I suppose I'm feeling iffy about the situation just because we had been talking about being excited for this date for like a week or so and that it ended kind of suddenly. I guess I kind of expected to be spending the evening with her not just dinner. I guess that's what happens when you have expectations with these things.. you can potentially be dissapointed.
Author Nukulus Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Yes I've experienced these two girls. And given my experience with her after the party we hung out at last week where she was texting me after she left on the same night saying she had a good time I figured she was the "omg he didn't text after the date he didn't have fun" But maybe your right and perhaps she's in the middle. I think I'll just leave it for now and see if she ever responds. I suppose I'm feeling iffy about the situation just because we had been talking about being excited for this date for like a week or so and that it ended kind of suddenly. I guess I kind of expected to be spending the evening with her not just dinner. I guess that's what happens when you have expectations with these things.. you can potentially be dissapointed.[/QUOTE] I know what you mean, however make sure your expectations aren't unrealistic. I've been there before man. I've been on first and second dates that went great, but then nothing happened after that. It's unfortunately a "chemistry" thing. Which ironically I'm having a huge discussion over in another thread if you want to throw your opinion in. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t231452/ Right... about the whole chemistry thing... I'm not sure and again maybe that's what's bothering me about tonight. Like the couple times we hung out with mutual friends the chemistry was there... one night we were both drinking (she was fairly sloshed) the other night I was drinking more. But it seemed good you know... I mean good conversation... we both think each other is good looking, and it just felt right. Conversations on the phone and texting the week leading up to the date felt good as well, laughing... saying cute things etc. But what do I know I've not been in a significant relationship for ~ four years. Maybe tonight with neither of us drinking we both were feeling more nervous/shy than we were when both of us had a bit of liquid courage going on. I did slip up with my language at one point and said "god damn" which knowing that she is religious may have bothered her. I felt bad for it, and I'm sure for her that is not very attractive language. Though I don't know if or how I should apologize for it so I just left it... She still hasn't responded so I'm more thinking that it wasn't a great date. Which is fine... that's what dating is about finding who you are compatible with. Though it is dissapointing as this one seemed promising.
Trimmer Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 She still hasn't responded so I'm more thinking that it wasn't a great date. Which is fine... that's what dating is about finding who you are compatible with. Though it is dissapointing as this one seemed promising. Am I getting it right that the date was just a couple hours ago - earlier you said "So today the date"... If that's the case, I wouldn't make a judgment on her not responding to the text after just a couple of hours... Don't freak out and start making knee-jerk judgments, or any other knee-jerk reactions, too quickly. Relax, live your life for everything it is - and not just this date - and let things unfold a little bit.
Author Nukulus Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Am I getting it right that the date was just a couple hours ago - earlier you said "So today the date"... If that's the case, I wouldn't make a judgment on her not responding to the text after just a couple of hours... Don't freak out and start making knee-jerk judgments, or any other knee-jerk reactions, too quickly. Relax, live your life for everything it is - and not just this date - and let things unfold a little bit. Oh no don't get me wrong... I'm not freaking out or writing this off. I'm not gonna text/call and ask why she hasn't responded or whatever. It's just difficult at this stage of any relationship friendship/romantic/whatever to deal with the uncertainty of things. And unfortunatley for me I have an overactive imagination and my mind tends to create scenarios where I may have screwed up, etc. Haha. I can't help it. Wish I could, would certainly make dating easier. As it stands I just vent to you all or keep it to myself. Anyways... She did end up responding... "Said thanks for taking me! I had fun!!" Not sure if or how I should respond to that. I've got too many doubts rolling through my head atm due to that imagination of mine. I might just leave it until tomorrow and then maybe broach the subject of whether or not she would like to go out again. Thanks for all the advice so far folks.
Author Nukulus Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Just wanted to give this a bump and see if anyone else out there has any advice.... I'm sure I'll be in conact with her, but I was just wondering what would be the best way to broach the subject of going out with her again before I leave for a week trip on Friday. The only thing I have to go on is her saying she had fun, and saying that we could do something (before she left last night). So for now all I can do is take her at her word and assume she'd lime to go out again. (it's also fine if she doesn't, but either way i'd like to know sooner than later). So anyways... Any ideas? She mentioned working out together... Should I just see where our conversations go and if an opening comes up bring up going out again? Anyway, I don't know why I'm so hesitant about this. I think I may be doubting myself due to my last (failed) dating adventure. Thanks for any help or insight.
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