Div Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Hello fellow Loveshackians... Just felt like sharing my story and getting some comments from other readers. It has helped me tremendously in the past but this time I've decided it is time to move on for good. This girl was the first person I've ever loved and I was the first she ever loved. We had a great relationship up until about 6 months ago when she turned 18 and started going out clubbing etc. I felt like she lost focus on our relationship and was more concerned with meeting new people with her single girlfriends. We went through a breakup earlier this year, it really hurt me. A week later she turned around and said she had made a mistake and we take things slow and get back together. Well we did that and things were great for about three months and then the same problems came back to haunt us again. Basically, she never gave much to the relationship. I felt like I gave her my heart but she never gave anything to me. I started noticing it earlier this month when she was just generally unaffectionate and avoided a lot of intimate moments, so I brought it up with her and she assured me things were ok. I knew they weren't, things felt different. But the more and more I tried to rescue what we had, the further and further I pushed her away until the point where she gave up on us. I feel like a true partner who really loves and cares about you would help you through the bad times and give you support - from her I got nothing. Now that I know we are truely over for good, it dosen't hurt me as much as before, but right now my stomach is in knots. I cant eat or sleep and its so hard trying to picture my life without her.
amz Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 She young, you need to let it go and move on. If she loves you she will come back to you. No Contact is the best thing to do, you need to be strong and show her you are not weak and you don't need her in your life. You are always a winner with No Contact and here is why, Do No Contact and she never comes back well....you got over it and feel human again. Do no Contact and she comes back....then it is all good. Either way doing No Contact shows you are strong. Don't be a door mat and go running to her, Do NOOOOOT be her friend that stuff ****s you up plus you will never get over her. Everything happens for a reason. Hope things gets better.
sandiego Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Hey Div, Man, I know how it is believe me. I fell head-over-heals in love with my high school girlfriend (I'm well into my 30's now, but I remember it vividly). I wanted to be with her forever.....but she broke up with me, totally unexpectedly, and began dating a new, older guy. I was completely devastated, couldn't eat for about a month, lost 20 lbs. It was rough. I can tell you that having very limited to no contact help me a ton (since she had a new guy, she wasn't exactly available to talk or work things out.....thank god she wasn't)! I know it feels like you'll never get over it, like you'll never love someone as much as you do/did her. I can also tell you that this feeling will pass in time. Just take care and be patient with yourself. Now, I look back and am blown away with how over her I am (truly no residual feelings are left).....I would never have believed that could happen, but it did. And it will for you too. Keep your head up, and know you've got a lot of support here! Take care, SD
Author Div Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 Thanks so much for the support guys. It's great hearing from people who have been in the same situation. So far so good, 2 days of NC. The hardest thing for me would be imagining her being with someone else... I'm thinking of blocking her on Facebook and msn so I don't have to see what she is up to, but at the same time I feel like I still want her to be a part of my life, and if i do that we may truly drift apart.
amz Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 2 days good stuff! Keep it up, you will get to a stage one day where you will stop counting and you won't start to care anymore, Thats when you know you are starting to heal.
Author Div Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 Well it's been 5 days of NC now. I've heard from a mutual friend that shes upset things will never be the same again and shes worried of me "hating" her. I do not hate her, but she has put me through so much bull**** I do resent her. Yet I'm still in love with her ?? I'm wondering if after say 2 weeks I should contact her to meet up and talk about the relationship, where things went wrong and what we've learnt, to provide closure for both of us so we can move on. I didn't mention but our breakup was very abrupt, she told me we were done and I just left it at that and haven't said a word since, so I feel like I could benefit from talking to her in a few weeks.
GrayClouds Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Well it's been 5 days of NC now. I've heard from a mutual friend that shes upset things will never be the same again and shes worried of me "hating" her. I do not hate her, but she has put me through so much bull**** I do resent her. Yet I'm still in love with her ?? I'm wondering if after say 2 weeks I should contact her to meet up and talk about the relationship, where things went wrong and what we've learnt, to provide closure for both of us so we can move on. I didn't mention but our breakup was very abrupt, she told me we were done and I just left it at that and haven't said a word since, so I feel like I could benefit from talking to her in a few weeks. No stop letting fear drive your behavior. If she want to get back together she will knock your door down to make it happen anything less is only half hearted. Read and do the following: So you want a second chance?
Author Div Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 Just a quick update: Well it's been a full week of NC so far. I made the decision to block her from my facebook, it has made me feel far more empowered knowing that whatever games she plays with her status updates/groups cant affect me anymore. Yesterday was my *worst* day ever, literally couldnt get out of bed it hit me so hard, though I had a hangover from the night before. I do not recommend heavy drinking while being heartbroken!! I had long long chat with a mutual friend, she's really nice and made me feel so much better. Today I am feeling on top of the world, I feel like P Diddy! I really want to talk to her though, just small talk and see how she responds. I dont think she will contact me, shes got too much pride in herself and has this attitude of "if they dont wanna talk to me i dont wanna talk to them". I don't want her to fade from my life completely, after all we shared so much together.
paperchase Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Be strong. Easier said than done. Blocking facebook is good. So glad I'm not on there bc if I was it would drive me crazy to read ab my ex and all the fun she's having. 5 days is a big hurdle. Keep it up. Don't worry ab her drifting away because she already has and there's nothing you can do ab it but push her farther by trying to stop her. If she feels a sense of loss she'll be in contact, if she's enjoying life without you she won't. either way, your posture should not change.
GrayClouds Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 (edited) Just a quick update: Well it's been a full week of NC so far. I made the decision to block her from my facebook, it has made me feel far more empowered knowing that whatever games she plays with her status updates/groups cant affect me anymore. Yesterday was my *worst* day ever, literally couldnt get out of bed it hit me so hard, though I had a hangover from the night before. I do not recommend heavy drinking while being heartbroken!! I had long long chat with a mutual friend, she's really nice and made me feel so much better. Today I am feeling on top of the world, I feel like P Diddy! I really want to talk to her though, just small talk and see how she responds. I dont think she will contact me, shes got too much pride in herself and has this attitude of "if they dont wanna talk to me i dont wanna talk to them". I don't want her to fade from my life completely, after all we shared so much together. NC NC NC and letting her fade it is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Do you not see how your still on a emotional roller-coaster? And your addicted to the drama (3 breakups??????????) avoid at all cost taking another hit of the drug. Be careful for right now even when you feel like your stronger the world, it only takes a little thing to kick you back to the curb. NC it is time to completely move on. Edited May 24, 2010 by GrayClouds
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