collegemommy Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 I had lunch with a friend today. She was worried about me because I haven't been around or called her much. During the conversation, I explained to her that knowing my ex loved me at one point actually calms me down. I told her that I felt abandoned up until recently by him. Now I just remind myself that at one point, I was exactly what he wanted and he loved me completely. I don't know why this makes me so calm but it does. Even when I went through my complete psychotic-hysterical phase, these thoughts would calm me down. She said this was completely strange and that I shouldn't be calming myself down this way. She thinks it is keeping me from moving on. I don't see her point at all. I'm moving on the only way I know how. Does anyone else think this way? Is it wrong that I use these thoughts as a coping mechanism?
Fouts Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 It's fine, you're basically just massaging your own ego. Most people go nuts after a break-up trying to get the disinterested person back because their ego couldn't handle the dump. Whatever it takes to get you through it, until someone else makes you feel special again.
Author collegemommy Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Thank you! My friend really got in my head earlier today and it has been driving me crazy. I was starting to think that maybe I was going about this all wrong. It has seemed to help so far...
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I don't think thats a bad mechanism at all. People love to butt in (no offence to the friend) but I don't think this is a bad way to cope at all.
BubbleFreak Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 You're coping by telling yourself it's ok, you can get through this because you are lovable. Who doesn't want to be lovable? If you need to cope by reminding yourself that yes you were loved by him, that you are lovable now, and that you will be loved again I think you're coping in a completely healthy way.
Frontliner Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 You're coping by telling yourself it's ok, you can get through this because you are lovable. Who doesn't want to be lovable? If you need to cope by reminding yourself that yes you were loved by him, that you are lovable now, and that you will be loved again I think you're coping in a completely healthy way. Listen to this post everyone. Best advice you'll ever hear.
Ronni_W Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 You could ask your friend for clarification. Her caution/fear for you may be that you're anchoring your self-esteem with what he used to want and how he used to feel about you. It's okay for a temporary way to cope, but ideal would be to build your own belief and confidence that you are 100% lovable and acceptable regardless of how anyone else sees you or feels about you. That is, to get to a place of being able to power your own calm feelings from within -- from your own positive beliefs about your Self -- rather than need/depend on others to do that for you.
Heatemyheart89 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I used to make myself feel better by reminding myself how he told me I was 'perfect' and ' he'd never felt this way about about anyone' okay so he doesnt like me now but hey. It is a good temporary coping mechanism and I think if it makes you feel better go for it Just know that you are loveable whatever he thinks.
Cantcope Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I think that whatever keeps you sane is fair game! Sometimes it makes me feel calm knowing that even if he hasn't yet, there will be, even if only for a fraction of a second, a moment in time when he misses me. Whatever helps you cope and get through the day. Thinking of you!!! xoxo
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