kis Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 A couple of weeks ago mm and I went to lunch. He then said he was going to run by the house for a minute and asked if I wanted to stop by. To bring anyone who doesnt know up to speed, we are in a mutual attraction but have never had sex. And I have seen him at his house a few times during lunch. Well we had a great time laughing and talking. Until we heard a car pull up. He looked out the window and it was his mother and son!! We had a moment of pure panick. Came up with an excuse that I thought was flimsy. But after all the worry. He mentioned it to his wife that evening and said it just wasnt an issue and they barely talked about it. Aparently she thought nothing of it. I even run into her the next day or two and she was totally fine. I am so glad but it does baffle me. Hmm.
PhoenixRise Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 A couple of weeks ago mm and I went to lunch. He then said he was going to run by the house for a minute and asked if I wanted to stop by. To bring anyone who doesnt know up to speed, we are in a mutual attraction but have never had sex. And I have seen him at his house a few times during lunch. Well we had a great time laughing and talking. Until we heard a car pull up. He looked out the window and it was his mother and son!! We had a moment of pure panick. Came up with an excuse that I thought was flimsy. But after all the worry. He mentioned it to his wife that evening and said it just wasnt an issue and they barely talked about it. Aparently she thought nothing of it. I even run into her the next day or two and she was totally fine. I am so glad but it does baffle me. Hmm. His wife completely trusts him. She believes that he would never cheat on her so It would never ever occur to her that her H would bring someone he was having any kind of affair with (EA or PA) into her home. She is completely ok with it because she believes her husband is a better man than he is.
bentnotbroken Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 His wife completely trusts him. She believes that he would never cheat on her so It would never ever occur to her that her H would bring someone he was having any kind of affair with (EA or PA) into her home. She is completely ok with it because she believes her husband is a better man than he is. And OP a better woman than she is.
Author kis Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 His wife completely trusts him. She believes that he would never cheat on her so It would never ever occur to her that her H would bring someone he was having any kind of affair with (EA or PA) into her home. She is completely ok with it because she believes her husband is a better man than he is. Acually he has told me of her being very suspicous of him and jealous. Said there are times she dont want to leave him alone and that she never complians of the long hours at work because she knows exactly where he is which is the way she likes it. I wonder if she has her suspicions on some other women. Apparently not me.
bentnotbroken Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Acually he has told me of her being very suspicous of him and jealous. Said there are times she dont want to leave him alone and that she never complians of the long hours at work because she knows exactly where he is which is the way she likes it. I wonder if she has her suspicions on some other women. Apparently not me. That's exactly what the ow in my situation thought....until she(and he) was cold busted.
PhoenixRise Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Acually he has told me of her being very suspicous of him and jealous. Said there are times she dont want to leave him alone and that she never complians of the long hours at work because she knows exactly where he is which is the way she likes it. I wonder if she has her suspicions on some other women. Apparently not me. I think it is interesting that the things he has said about her (jealous, suspicious, etc) do not line up with her actual behavior when faced with a situation that a jealous woman would definitely question. If what he said about her was true, she would have been suspicious of a strange woman alone in her home with her husband and she would not have been cordial to you when she met you later. His problem is not that she is or has ever been jealous, his problem is that he is and has always been guilty.
bentnotbroken Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 I think it is interesting that the things he has said about her (jealous, suspicious, etc) do not line up with her actual behavior when faced with a situation that a jealous woman would definitely question. If what he said about her was true, she would have been suspicious of a strange woman alone in her home with her husband and she would not have been cordial to you when she met you later. His problem is not that she is or has ever been jealous, his problem is that he is and has always been guilty. Bravo. He is a pig isn't he?
Fieldsofgold Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Acually he has told me of her being very suspicous of him and jealous. Said there are times she dont want to leave him alone and that she never complians of the long hours at work because she knows exactly where he is which is the way she likes it. I wonder if she has her suspicions on some other women. Apparently not me. What he told you about his wife is probably a lie. It makes him feel less guilty, makes you think better of him, makes your relationship more 'justified' if he makes her sound like an unreasonable shrew (to you.) My xH used to tell some of the most outrageous lies about me -- sometimes to get a woman to go out with him, sometimes just to make himself look better. He lies to her about you. It would not be a far stretch to imagine he would lie to you about her.
4321sn Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Similar thing happened to me. He had to stop by his house to pick something up... Wife decides to come home for lunch... We also manage a flimsy excuse... She believes because she trusts him... My therapist says that sometimes the fear is the wish. That in my situation althought he says he doesn't wxnf her to find out, he actually does. He knew she would stop home for lunch... My therapist says that he actually wants her to find out because then he doesn't actuly have to tell her he wants out... Doesn't make sense...
bentnotbroken Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Similar thing happened to me. He had to stop by his house to pick something up... Wife decides to come home for lunch... We also manage a flimsy excuse... She believes because she trusts him... My therapist says that sometimes the fear is the wish. That in my situation althought he says he doesn't wxnf her to find out, he actually does. He knew she would stop home for lunch... My therapist says that he actually wants her to find out because then he doesn't actuly have to tell her he wants out... Doesn't make sense... Sure it does. Either he needs to grow a backbone and a pair or try to find some on WWW.
whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Reverse the situation, would your husband trust you if he came home and found MM in your house?
bittersweet memories Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Is this the Infidelity Forum? What do you think?
pureinheart Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 It sure looks like it. Yep, that's what I thought
Spark1111 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 I'm sorry, but I do not like that he brought you to his house as his mother and his child came home. I think that is an act of either a) a man who wants to be caught or b) a man who gets a vicarious thrill from "almost" being caught; another variation of the bad boy, mean mommy syndrome. Dump him. It's not you that excites him; it is the illicit nature of your relationship that is feuling his juice. The closer he gets to being caught, the more he can wave it under someones nose and still get away with it, the more exciting it is for HIM.
PhoenixRise Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Is this the Infidelity Forum? What do you think? It sure looks like it. Apparently, both AP's and BS's freely post in BOTH infidelity and here. In this case where the original poster posted a thread where she is baffeled by the wife's behavior, why the objection to BS giving insight here?
jthorne Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 (edited) Apparently, both AP's and BS's freely post in BOTH infidelity and here. In this case where the original poster posted a thread where she is baffeled by the wife's behavior, why the objection to BS giving insight here? I'm confused what the problem is here. She was baffled (I assume) by the BS's reaction, so some former BS have given insight. I get so freakin tired of when people don't like the advice, it's seen as non supportive, bashing or on the wrong forum. What sort of support was appropriate here then? A pat on the head? A hug for invading this clueless woman's home and privacy? What I'm personally baffled about is why the OP chose to go into this woman's home in the first place? Couldn't she have waited in the car? This is supposed to be this woman's sanctuary- where she raises her children, where she makes love to her husband. Perhaps the curiosity got the better of her... OP- I hope you have received some useful insight. But I question it's purpose. Your post seems more like bragging about how you had a brush with the BS and got away with it than it is wonderment about her behavior. If it is not, I hope you will clarify your post. Another poster was correct in that MM seems to get off on the risk of getting caught. Perhaps you are getting off on it just as much. Edited May 17, 2010 by jthorne
whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Is this the Infidelity Forum? What do you think? It sure looks like it. So it's wrong of me to ask how her own husband would feel if the situation was reversed? If he came home with their child and found another man in their house?
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 What he told you about his wife is probably a lie. It makes him feel less guilty, makes you think better of him, makes your relationship more 'justified' if he makes her sound like an unreasonable shrew (to you.) My xH used to tell some of the most outrageous lies about me -- sometimes to get a woman to go out with him, sometimes just to make himself look better. He lies to her about you. It would not be a far stretch to imagine he would lie to you about her. Could have not said it better! I heart you!
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 A couple of weeks ago mm and I went to lunch. He then said he was going to run by the house for a minute and asked if I wanted to stop by. To bring anyone who doesnt know up to speed, we are in a mutual attraction but have never had sex. And I have seen him at his house a few times during lunch. Well we had a great time laughing and talking. Until we heard a car pull up. He looked out the window and it was his mother and son!! We had a moment of pure panick. Came up with an excuse that I thought was flimsy. But after all the worry. He mentioned it to his wife that evening and said it just wasnt an issue and they barely talked about it. Aparently she thought nothing of it. I even run into her the next day or two and she was totally fine. I am so glad but it does baffle me. Hmm. What baffles me is the fact that your are with all intentions about to get it on with her H and you are at her home. Who does this? Not cool! Like everyone else said here, MM is most likely lying to you. Seems like it is what he does best...
herenow Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 (edited) Is this the Infidelity Forum? Well, since infidelity is a component of an affair, then yes, I would say that infidelity is a part of this forum. I would like to know what exactly you find not appropriate for this thread. I am confused why you felt the need to ask this question. How is questioning other posters helping the OP? To the OP, you are assuming that he told you what really happened. You don't know what he said or if he even said anything to his wife. Even if what he said were true, it's obvious that he is lying to his wife. The real question I have for you is, are you OK having a relationship of any kind with a man who treats his wife like that? Edited May 17, 2010 by herenow
Author kis Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 I'm confused what the problem is here. She was baffled (I assume) by the BS's reaction, so some former BS have given insight. I get so freakin tired of when people don't like the advice, it's seen as non supportive, bashing or on the wrong forum. What sort of support was appropriate here then? A pat on the head? A hug for invading this clueless woman's home and privacy? What I'm personally baffled about is why the OP chose to go into this woman's home in the first place? Couldn't she have waited in the car? This is supposed to be this woman's sanctuary- where she raises her children, where she makes love to her husband. Perhaps the curiosity got the better of her... OP- I hope you have received some useful insight. But I question it's purpose. Your post seems more like bragging about how you had a brush with the BS and got away with it than it is wonderment about her behavior. If it is not, I hope you will clarify your post. Another poster was correct in that MM seems to get off on the risk of getting caught. Perhaps you are getting off on it just as much. I assure you i would never "Get off" on almost getting caught and it is my sincerest hope that we never get caught as I am sure it is his also. I would never want to cause someone else pain Or break up his family and he would never want to cause me any trouble either. We have discussed this in lenth.
whichwayisup Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I would never want to cause someone else pain Or break up his family and he would never want to cause me any trouble either. We have discussed this in lenth. Then what are you doing by having an affair with him? It doesn't matter that you haven't had sex yet, you've probably held hands, cuddled, kissed, maybe even touched abit.. You're emotionally involved with him and him with you. That in itself IS enough to hurt and break up both of your families. STOP. Stop going to his house, stop spending time with him alone. If you don't, it WILL turn into something more. It's a selfish, self serving friendship that will only cause pain to everyone involved, and those who are innocent. Yes, your H (even though he has cheated in the past, you chose to stay and forgive him) and your MM's wife.
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