ohhh hey Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Hey, I was wondering if anyone had anything similar or what works for them. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. We started dating february of our senior year of high school and we are now finishing our freshman year of college. We go to colleges in different states and have very different levels of free time because I am an engineering major and he is in a less time consuming field. It seems that he ALWAYS wants to talk to me. From the minute we get up to the minute we go to bed we are always texting. (Like over 13,000 messages a month). We also spend hours on the phone every day and try to videochat at least once a week for over an hour. I hate texting that much and putting so much time into our relationship with him so far away. With my major, I don't have very much free time, and I feel like it is rude and annoying to always have to text him when I am hanging out with friends. I also don't like trying to study and have to lose my train of thought every minute or two to answer a text. How do other couples out there handle this? Every time I broach the subject of cutting back on texting he thinks it is because I don't want to talk to him (yes he is somewhat needy). This isn't the case at all but it just seems like most of the texts we send are pointless. Also, when we do agree to cut back, he lets this last about two days then were back up to normal. If I don't text back immediately, he freaks out and sends a ton of messages asking what I am doing and why I'm ignoring him etc. What do others suggest? Anyone in the same boat? Thanks!
Arabella Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Instead of asking him to cut back on the texting (which is rather vague), simply explain to him that you need to focus on studying, and that it is rude to text when you're with your friends. Then, if he texts you when you're busy, just tell him you cannot talk at the moment and will text him later. Arabella
onemorecupofcoffee Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 I'm in a bit of the same boat, but less extreme. I'm just naturally very busy because I like to fill my time, and he is in biz school but definitely appreciates his free time more. There are times when I am very busy that he will call or text, but I think he knows how busy I am so he won't mind if I don't call or text back right away. I think what you need to do is have him write you an email when he misses you and feels like he needs to talk to you. Let him know that you are committed to the relationship, but that you are very stressed out by your major and need to concentrate a little more than usual. Establish the expectation that you may not always text back because you "put your phone on silent to concentrate," and that it's not like you look at your phone, see it's him, and don't reply. But make sure you always reply eventually within the same day. ie., don't go to bed without at least a goodnight. I think the combination of not having to reply right away and getting him to write you emails instead of texting (which automatically sets the expectation that you won't reply right away because the nature of email is less instantaneous), might help you out. Being honest, always, is the best route. If he jumps to conclusions because he is needy, you need to make sure he knows this is not okay.
aerogurl87 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 I don't know what to tell you to be honest. My boyfriend and I text from the moment we wake up to the moment we sleep. And in between then we talk on skype alot too. I think the only time we don't text each other is when one of us is at work. Then the phone's are put away, but after we get off work, it's back to the same old routine, lol. But if his over texting is bothering you tell him point blank that you would like it if he didn't text you when you were studying or hanging out with your friends. Come to a compromise on the issue.
madjac74 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 So is it the fact that he's texts alot or the fact that if you dont respond he goes on the defensive? It sounds like he has trust issues. My gf and I text each other almost all through the day. We know each others work schedules and times of our various activities with kids and stuff. If we dont get an instant response, we just assume the other is busy. It happens and he needs to understand that you have stuff to do. If he thinks you should be at his beckon call then that is not very healthy for a relationship. I didnt hear from my gf for an entire day once and that was very unusual and I was worried. I sent her texts throughout the day just letting her know I was worried and missed her and was thinking about her. I didnt assume the worst and barrage her with endless questions. It turned out she just got called to one of her government projects and couldnt use her phone. The bottomline is we love to text each other about anything at anytime but we also understand that we have jobs and kids and activities. You need to make him understand that you have crap to do sometimes. And ask him if its a trust issue. Thats what it sounds to me when people get irritated if you dont respond right away. Hope this helps a little and good luck!
goatee Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 An issue in my LDR too. I find the best way is just to say "i'm doing X" and that means you're unavailable. It's good to set aside some time to chat or w/e but the constant interruption is extremely annoying esp when she's feeling emo and expects me to just sit around while she types something every 5 mins.
stace79 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 This would definitely annoy me. I like texting my bf, too, but after about 20 min of back-and-forth I get annoyed and we let the conversation end. My bf knows that I appreciate a text or phone call before bed every night, and one of us may text, call or IM the other at various times during the day, but we both have jobs and lives, and so we aren't talking constantly. Even if you lived in the same city or lived together, you would still have to leave for classes or work, and you'd still have your own circle of friends. So you wouldn't be in constant contact all day, every day even if living together. SInce you're both only college freshmen, you're probably both a bit immature in relationship, but you definitely need to communicate with him your issues. And he may just not be capable of handling a LDR at his age.
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