Engadget Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 She was my best friend for years in high school, and the first girl I had sex with at 16, which we carried on for almost two years. Once she started dating the guy she eventually married, we no longer talked because he was jealous, and I don't really blame him. We were friends before it ever got sexual between us, and we were closer than anyone I've ever met, and we never actually dated. Well she just added me online and we've been talking for an hour, and wow, the floodgates opened. The topic turned to sex very, very fast. She got really into it, and went back and forth feeling guilty that she's married of course. While I'd normally never even consider something with a married person, this situation makes it tough. We always had a connection that still exists, and she wants to hang out. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 She was my best friend for years in high school, and the first girl I had sex with at 16, which we carried on for almost two years. Once she started dating the guy she eventually married, we no longer talked because he was jealous, and I don't really blame him. We were friends before it ever got sexual between us, and we were closer than anyone I've ever met, and we never actually dated. Well she just added me online and we've been talking for an hour, and wow, the floodgates opened. The topic turned to sex very, very fast. She got really into it, and went back and forth feeling guilty that she's married of course. While I'd normally never even consider something with a married person, this situation makes it tough. We always had a connection that still exists, and she wants to hang out. ---------------------- There are no gray areas. Even though you have been really close, you must let her know that there is no relationship as long as she is married.. (And assuming that you are not married.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Engadget Posted May 16, 2010 Author Share Posted May 16, 2010 Our relationship has always been strange, in a good way. It's something that's hard to describe because I have nothing else to compare it to. We are like soul-mate friends who happened to be sexually involved. It's far beyond a normal friendship, but it's not "love" in that sense. We would talk on the phone for 4-5 hours at a time, and hang out constantly. We could tell each other anything, and never have to feel ashamed or hide it. After she started dating the guy she married, we no longer talked although we tried. She'd sneak around just to talk to me, but most times he ended up finding out and she would go silent because he was jealous, sometimes for years. Our connection is still as strong as it ever was, and we said "I miss you" about 20 times when we talked. We both have never found someone that either of us connect with so strongly, and we both obviously want that back. The problem comes in with the sexual attraction, which is far beyond anything I think we've ever felt for anyone else. I mean after years of not talking, sex shoots right to the top of the conversation. She even said "It's not cheating if we're talking about old memories, right?". She wants to hang out, and I'm not sure we'd be able to NOT have sex if we did. Even as I write this out, it sounds like we should be married, which is funny. It's obvious she feels something is missing in her marriage if she misses our connection because she doesn't have it with her husband. We have to keep us even just talking a secret though, because if he finds out it will be quashed. I feel like I finally have a chance to get her back in my life in whatever capacity, and I'm willing to fight for it. Her husband is the only problem, because he knows our history if he finds out, he won't allow it. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 You must read other stories on this thread. Although not all relationships go back to the point of yours.. Many of the affairs that two people risk Everything for - are based on extremely strong feelings (of several factors) that the two were always meant to be together. The fact that she has contacted you, could mean that she is either bored or unhappy in her marriage.. If she feels she has made a mistake - only She can end her marriage. In the position that you are in, it seems that communication can lead to an affair .. the results of which can be very hurtful in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 You are fooling yourself with this soulmate bull crap. Saying someone is your soulmate is a mechanism to remove all responsibility and make it seem like some supernatural force is controlling you. Look you know that you are second best(if that) in her life. You two are not friends, you are former lovers. Think with your head, if you need a girl that bad right now go find a single one. If you continue this its all gonna blow up in your face and she will toss you under the bus. She picked her H once and she will do it again, she is just trying to have her cake and eat it too Have some pride Link to post Share on other sites
Author Engadget Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 You are fooling yourself with this soulmate bull crap. Saying someone is your soulmate is a mechanism to remove all responsibility and make it seem like some supernatural force is controlling you. Look you know that you are second best(if that) in her life. You two are not friends, you are former lovers. Think with your head, if you need a girl that bad right now go find a single one. If you continue this its all gonna blow up in your face and she will toss you under the bus. She picked her H once and she will do it again, she is just trying to have her cake and eat it too Have some pride "We are LIKE soul mate friends" which is just a way to describe it, simmer down now. She didn't "pick" her husband over me, we were never dating or romantically involved. It never bothered me when she dated anyone else (although we had sex through many of the relationships she had) so I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Sounds like maybe she's bored with her marriage and was strolling down memory lane, thought of you and decided to have a little fun with someone "safe". She's using you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Engadget Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 (edited) Sounds like maybe she's bored with her marriage and was strolling down memory lane, thought of you and decided to have a little fun with someone "safe". She's using you. Probably, but I'd welcome it. This has been going on for some time, where she clearly wants to talk and is shut down by the boyfriend/husband. Edited May 17, 2010 by Engadget Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 It is our job to warn you. .. But you were probably looking to her contacting you - as encouraging? Should it go beyond basic communication - at the end of the day, it will be emotionally destructive. .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Engadget Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 It is our job to warn you. .. But you were probably looking to her contacting you - as encouraging? Should it go beyond basic communication - at the end of the day, it will be emotionally destructive. .. For her perhaps, yeah. She's apparently a model now, interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 How many years went by before she contacted you? I would run from this situation. No good can come of it..But I think you know this deep down and hopefully will make the right decision for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 and is shut down by the boyfriend/husband. Husband, not boyfriend. BIG difference. If you choose to go down that cheating pathway, you know what you're up against. Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Because of the strong and special connection and history you have with her, I think you are feeling "entitled." She has a husband now. He is the only one who is entitled to her closeness, love, friendship and confidence. She promised him that, in front of witnesses. And she signed legally binding papers to that effect. If she no longer wants that with him. she needs to tell him. You have nothing to fight for. How would you feel if she was your wife, and she wanted to re-connect with an old and very close friend such as you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Engadget Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 How many years went by before she contacted you? I would run from this situation. No good can come of it..But I think you know this deep down and hopefully will make the right decision for yourself. I think it's been almost two years since the last time. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 I don't see any problem with your meeting her and catching up. I'm sure you two are just planning on some harmless chatter between old friends. You see some problem with it since you posted the question here in the OM/OW section. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Engadget Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 I don't see any problem with your meeting her and catching up. I'm sure you two are just planning on some harmless chatter between old friends. You see some problem with it since you posted the question here in the OM/OW section. Which is the fact that sex came up in conversation, actually started by her. For a girl, she's pretty sexual and when we were 16, she actually asked me to have sex with her, and not the other way around. This either goes one of two ways: 1) We talk and meet up, and something is bound to happen 2) Her husband finds out and we stop talking again Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Which is the fact that sex came up in conversation, actually started by her. For a girl, she's pretty sexual and when we were 16, she actually asked me to have sex with her, and not the other way around. This either goes one of two ways: 1) We talk and meet up, and something is bound to happen 2) Her husband finds out and we stop talking again So.........you are leaving it all up to her as to what happens? Nice way....to absolve yourself of any responsibility. I don't know why you even bothered to post here as your mind is made up, you are going to let her call the shots as to what happens or not. Me thinks.........you are feeding your ego on the possibilities of what she may or may not let happen and you just wanted to come here and brag about it. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 As long as you know what you are getting into... You know the score - she is bored in her marriage and wants to feel validated. If you meet up with her, you will have some sort of physical contact and if there is time and a place, that contact will become sexual. Can you handle the repercussions? Don't get attached, and don't be surprised when her husband finds out, and furthermore you may want to understand that there is a very good chance he will come after you. I doubt this is the first "friend" she has had and her husband is bound to be watching closely. There is little doubt you are going to go through with this, and that said - be careful, just sayin. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Which is the fact that sex came up in conversation, actually started by her. For a girl, she's pretty sexual and when we were 16, she actually asked me to have sex with her, and not the other way around. This either goes one of two ways: 1) We talk and meet up, and something is bound to happen 2) Her husband finds out and we stop talking again Why would you want to participate in upsetting this man? Another case of "what he doesn't know won't hurt him"? Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Even as I write this out, it sounds like we should be married, which is funny. It's obvious she feels something is missing in her marriage if she misses our connection because she doesn't have it with her husband. Then she should take a mature approach about it and not dogged her H. If this is the case (that she is in fact "missing" something in her marriage) then she should tell her H and not go consulting with an old sex-buddy. Why should you be the vehicle of her finding out what it may be? Sounds like you are trying to justify an affair in the making. See, this is where I have a problem understanding people that clearly know what they are up against, yet they cry victim at the end. You are allowing her to use you!!! People like her are emotional leechers that suck the life out of another (or a few other) human beings. Do you honestly want to complicate your life with such drama? The best thing that you can do for this "Friend" is to tell her either stay true to her marriage or get a divorce. Or else, you're just another baker feeding cake!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Engadget Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 As an update, she is getting a divorce which explains why she contacted me when she did. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 As an update, she is getting a divorce which explains why she contacted me when she did. ---------------- Well congratulations .. If you have wanted her - then there is hope. Link to post Share on other sites
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