Confusedalways Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 LS, I come seeking your opinion once again. Recently I've been getting some dinner and drinks invites from men who just plain don't interest me. These aren't men who I randomly meet or anything. These are men I've hung out with in a group situation one or more times, followed by them texting me and/or talking to me on facebook or whatever. I'm pleasant but never flirty. I've no qualms with them as people, but I'm simply not interested in them romantically. Quite frankly, they bore me and simply aren't the kind of men I wanted to date. Attractiveness aside (of which each are neither handsome, nor ugly) I just... am not interested. Anyway-- my friends think I should be accepting these invites, taking it as a "you never know" situation. The last time I accepted even though I wasn't interested, I had a terrible time. It's not like I don't know what these people are like. Do you guys accept dates from men you really don't think you're interested in? Has it ever turned out well? Am I supposed to "give it a chance" or "trust my instincts?"
Lauriebell82 Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Why would you accept a date from a guy you aren't interested in? Lonliness? Desperation? I understand all that but I'm pretty sure you could probably get an invitation from someone you feel attractive. Don't sell yourself short or lower your standards..I'd personally rather be alone then go out with someone I didn't like.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 LThe last time I accepted even though I wasn't interested, I had a terrible time. I'm sorry, but I'm dying to know what've they done, what date ideas did they come up with and what are your expectations towards a man you'd like to date? To answer your question - you shouldn't accept. You should say right away you're not interested. This way they know what you think and can act accordingly i.e. move on. There's nothing worse than giving someone false hope that there may be something where you know it's not there!
Yamaha Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Can you say, "leading a guy on" b/c that is exactly what you would be doing, dating guys your not interested in. They might not hang around when they realize your not interested but that is better than using someone b/c your bored or for a free dinner. Wait for the guy that interests you in a romantic way.
brainygirl Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Hmmm, I have an attitude that you never know what will happen. The dynamic between just two people on a date is differnt than the dynamic in a group hangout situation. I tend to accept first dates from just about anyone provided they meet my bear minimum requirements. These are things like employed, neat dressed, not rude, not irresponsible, not criminal, addicted to alcohol and drugs, and not creepy. But if after that first date I am still really not feeling an interest or attraction, I will let them know. Usually its fine with everyone involved.
Author Confusedalways Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 I'm sorry, but I'm dying to know what've they done, what date ideas did they come up with and what are your expectations towards a man you'd like to date?! He pushed the date back 2 hours, so I sat at home ready and waiting. Then, he asked me to meet him there 15 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up. I got there, he was 10 minutes late. Then he didn't wait for me to walk in, he walked ahead of me. He was on the phone the entire time (texting). He didn't ask any questions, nor really talk at all. He answered the phone twice, not excusing or apologizing for it. Then we were supposed to do something after dinner but one of his friends called during dinner and wanted him to come over, so he told me he was going to do that instead. Also he wanted me to pay for his gas in getting there, because he had to go out of his way to get a haircut. But he asked me on another date, needless to say I said no.
Author Confusedalways Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 Can you say, "leading a guy on" b/c that is exactly what you would be doing, dating guys your not interested in. They might not hang around when they realize your not interested but that is better than using someone b/c your bored or for a free dinner. Wait for the guy that interests you in a romantic way. thank you, I totally agree but my friends are trying to convince me otherwise. I think I'll stick with my thoughts on this one.
Author Confusedalways Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 Why would you accept a date from a guy you aren't interested in? Lonliness? Desperation? None of that. I'm simply wondering if the principle of "it might be different on a one on one date" is actually true.
tkgirl Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 He pushed the date back 2 hours, so I sat at home ready and waiting. Then, he asked me to meet him there 15 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up. I got there, he was 10 minutes late. Then he didn't wait for me to walk in, he walked ahead of me. He was on the phone the entire time (texting). He didn't ask any questions, nor really talk at all. He answered the phone twice, not excusing or apologizing for it. Then we were supposed to do something after dinner but one of his friends called during dinner and wanted him to come over, so he told me he was going to do that instead. Also he wanted me to pay for his gas in getting there, because he had to go out of his way to get a haircut. But he asked me on another date, needless to say I said no. but why? yeah, I've been known to accept dates from guys I was pretty sure I wasn't interested in... only because I wasn't 100% sure. Most of the times I wish had gone with my gut and said no... but there has been at least one guy I can think of right now that turned out to be a total sweetie and we kept dating and the attraction grew more and more... In fact, it turned into a LTR of about 2-3 years... but then again that was a long time ago...
Lakeside_runner Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 He pushed the date back 2 hours, so I sat at home ready and waiting. Then, he asked me to meet him there 15 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up. I got there, he was 10 minutes late. Then he didn't wait for me to walk in, he walked ahead of me. He was on the phone the entire time (texting). He didn't ask any questions, nor really talk at all. He answered the phone twice, not excusing or apologizing for it. Then we were supposed to do something after dinner but one of his friends called during dinner and wanted him to come over, so he told me he was going to do that instead. Also he wanted me to pay for his gas in getting there, because he had to go out of his way to get a haircut. But he asked me on another date, needless to say I said no. Wow! Geez - where does one find such a "keeper"???
You'reasian Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 (edited) I've no qualms with them as people, but I'm simply not interested in them romantically. Quite frankly, they bore me and simply aren't the kind of men I wanted to date. Attractiveness aside (of which each are neither handsome, nor ugly) I just... am not interested. Anyway-- my friends think I should be accepting these invites, taking it as a "you never know" situation. The last time I accepted even though I wasn't interested, I had a terrible time. It's not like I don't know what these people are like. Do you guys accept dates from men you really don't think you're interested in? Has it ever turned out well? Am I supposed to "give it a chance" or "trust my instincts?" Seems like you are looking for some kind of excitement in the form of someone that you are very attracted to and whom sparks your interest. What kinds of things make you hot for a guy? Edited May 16, 2010 by You'reasian
EasyHeart Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 None of that. I'm simply wondering if the principle of "it might be different on a one on one date" is actually true.Maybe, but very rarely. I think you know right away if there is any potential attraction, and there's nothing that's going to change it. Usually, when women say things like, "Oh, give him a chance," it usually leads to (1) the next date(s) you still don't feel anything and you finally move on after letting this guy take you out 3-4 times or (2) you reluctantly fall into a relationship and maybe even convince yourself that he's a "nice" guy and you should be with someone like him, but deep inside you know it feels wrong, and as soon as you find another option you disappear in a flash, leaving him wondering what the hell just happened. Remember, the first few dates are the BEST time of any relationship, when neither of you is constrained by reality. If you're not feeling fireworks, move on, because 3 months down the line you'll be feeling miserable.
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