start-fresh Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Is confessing your feelings for a friend who's in a relationship purely selfish? I'm wondering about this girl I go to college with that I met about a two and a half years ago. We're going to be graduating next fall and I think she's been with her boyfriend about three years or so. She's mentioned that they've been having problems the last few months, but it was in passing and I think it's mainly because they haven't had as much time to spend together. When I went away on an internship last fall she told me all the time how much she wished I was still around and how certain songs reminded her of me. I know she's physically attracted to me, but we've never done anything. I'm probably just naive, but the combination of these things and her body language when we're alone all make me wonder. It just feels right to me. Is there even anyway to discuss this without sounding pathetic? I'm dating other people, but I can't find a connection like I have with her. I don't think she really knows I would like her more than a friend, but I can't just make a move because of her relationship. I kind of just want to let her know she has options or something... I don't know what to do.
Cracker Jack Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 (edited) Yeah, it would be pretty selfish. I know that's not your intention, but it really does create more issues than need be. She'll most likely be confused (Since she's having difficulty with her boyfriend) once you tell her, then she'll probably feel a need to choose you or him, and that'll put even more pressure on her. I'm not in favor of keeping feelings bottled up, but I'm not sure telling her at this point is beneficial. I faced this before, and I ended up telling my good friend. She felt the same, but was overly confused with everything, and ultimately, this destroyed us. Not saying it'll happen with you, but these things most be approached with caution. Edited May 16, 2010 by Cracker Jack
sally4sara Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 I think it is highly selfish. You don't make these confessions to someone in a relationship (esp a LTR) without a hope that it will change the way the two of you interact. Its not like you are saying it just to pay a compliment; you WANT them to drop the person they are with and get with you. For all you know, they are perfectly matched and just dealing with a passing issue. You don't know her partner enough to know that you would be an improvement to her life over him. You don't know her in the context of a relationship to know if she would be what you want/need out of a partner. You just want to be allowed to touch her boobies.
Author start-fresh Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 You just want to be allowed to touch her boobies. I agree completely with you post except for this part. There's really so much more to it than that. Mainly I can't see or talk to her nearly as much as I want to because of her boyfriend and not wanting to rock the boat with their relationship. I would feel guilty playing it off as friendly interaction when I really want more than that, so I keep my distance. Thanks for the advice in the thread everybody. You're definitely right, it just sucks.
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