Pentel Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 why do they prefer to break up than try to fix things? try to fall in love again and be happy im wondering this because today my ex broke up with me, she said she loves me but not like a boyfriend, because she felt she wasnt herself when she was with me, and stuff like that, i told her i could change and let her be more of herself, she said i didn't have to change for noone, that someone will love me the way i am, i told her i wanted to change because im not happy the way i am, she told me she won't get back with me,
Ronni_W Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 If you haven't been happy with the way you are, why didn't YOU take the initiative to fix what needs fixing on YOUR side, before it ended up killing your relationship? How is it on her, that you didn't do what you needed to do about it? Why did you wait for her to get to the point of seeing no other option but having to end things with you? How long were you expecting her to just tolerate/put up with whatever it is, which you're apparently aware of being a problem or potential problem? She's right that decisions to improve your attitude, behaviours and/or relationship skills (whatever are the specifics) need to come from your own free will and desire. You have to be able to recognize the benefits and want to make the changes for yourself...otherwise you would just end up resenting her for "making you" change. In any case, you are now going to put in the effort and change the stuff about you that you're not happy with, so that this doesn't happen to you again, right? Make your changes NOW so that you will be a better partner in the future. I'm sorry that your relationship ended -- that always sucks -- but you can't blame her because you neglected to do what was needed on your side, to make things work out.
Author Pentel Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 If you haven't been happy with the way you are, why didn't YOU take the initiative to fix what needs fixing on YOUR side, before it ended up killing your relationship? How is it on her, that you didn't do what you needed to do about it? Why did you wait for her to get to the point of seeing no other option but having to end things with you? How long were you expecting her to just tolerate/put up with whatever it is, which you're apparently aware of being a problem or potential problem? She's right that decisions to improve your attitude, behaviours and/or relationship skills (whatever are the specifics) need to come from your own free will and desire. You have to be able to recognize the benefits and want to make the changes for yourself...otherwise you would just end up resenting her for "making you" change. In any case, you are now going to put in the effort and change the stuff about you that you're not happy with, so that this doesn't happen to you again, right? Make your changes NOW so that you will be a better partner in the future. I'm sorry that your relationship ended -- that always sucks -- but you can't blame her because you neglected to do what was needed on your side, to make things work out. i was changing my problems, but she said she didn't want to wait
Ronni_W Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 i was changing my problems, but she said she didn't want to wait I'm sorry to hear that. It's a real piss-off when we realize that it's our own fault because we did not address our own issues, as well as our partner's needs and concerns, in a timely and/or effective manner. We left it too late and/or did too little, basically. There are many older men (than you) who have followed this exact path, and then act all "bomb shelled", confused and thunderstruck when their exhausted and exasperated wives finally run out of patience. They like to bs themselves that it was "out of the blue" and she just "walked away". You could count yourself fortunate that you won't be one of those men, suffering in that way...because you've already started the work of healing your issues and improving your relationship skills -- huge congrats to you, for making that decision! Very best of luck to you.
northstar1 Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Pentel-sorry to hear that, it's always tough when a partner walks away. If I can ask; how long had she been asking you to change your behaviors? Had this been going on a while and she just ran out of patience?
Author Pentel Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 Pentel-sorry to hear that, it's always tough when a partner walks away. If I can ask; how long had she been asking you to change your behaviors? Had this been going on a while and she just ran out of patience? like 2 weeks ago (when we got together officialy), she told me i had to calm down, and i did started to calm down, but she thought i didnt
McGrupp Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 same girl from the winter? or new girl with similair issues?
Author Pentel Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 same girl from the winter? or new girl with similair issues? nah, that girl is totaly forgoten man, new girl, similat issues, seems like i go for girl with commitment problems =/ great to hear from you man, hope your doing great
Ronni_W Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 new girl, similat issues Pentel, that's telling you something about yourself and your habitual ways of doing/being in a relationship. Consider that if you'd "cleaned up your act" after the previous girl, then the new girl wouldn't have had any reason to leave you. You are the common denominator. *If* you want to have more successful relationships in the future, then you'd make the commitment to permanently resolve the issues and eliminate the behaviours that you now have clear evidence are a turn-off and will cause girls to leave.
Recommended Posts