niceheart Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Hi all my story is big but please, read it and help me. I am here to tell my story. I am badly hurt struggling to get all things better but emotions are hurt too much that I just cant explain. Me and my GF mate 3 years ago. At start for first say 6 months we were happy together and suddenly bad things started to come up. When I mate her first, we were in college. I was not interested in her look/body I was amazed by her thoughtfulness, simplicity and caring nature. I felt love and we started together. We used to be together long hrs for college. Later we got jobs and things started getting worst. I was not used to stay away from her but due to our jobs, the time we used to spend together, started reducing. As usual, I used to get jealous of any boy/colleague with whom she used to talk frankly. But she was not jealous of any girl around me. We started fighting and even I started yelling badly on her. I know I used to say bad words about any person she used to be frank with. Due to time work pressure, I was never able to tell her that her frank attitude can be taken wrong and she always felt that, I am suspicious about her. Things were not so I was suspicious about others. I never thought that things can go so worst that we can start beating and saying bad words to each other. Many times she tried to go away from me. But I used to realize the mistakes and apologize to her. Even many times knowing that the mistake is her. I used to make fun and try to get things going well. I think I am too much suspicious person. Not trusting any one and so, I used to follow whatever she told me because, I never agreed that she told me 100% truth. I am Indian guy with old traditional thoughts, when I said I love you at that time itself I was serious about marrying her and even she was about me. Now the real bad things begin... I always tried to get the truth out of her and she always tried to hide something where as, regardless of what she will feel I told her every truth. When we used to fight she used to go away. Stop talking nor picking up the calls etc... and telling me that she wants to break up with me. I used to follow her some how, make the things good and get her back. Before Last year, First time I thought that, I should not do these things. I should let her be free. Have her own friends, space and even I should trust her. We had a small fight it was nothing and she went away. I thought its her mistake and as usual I shouldn't follow her not I should accept her mistake as mine and let her realize that. But It hasn't happen. 4 -5 days gone without any call and then, I started missing her so, I tried to make the things good again. I started following her saying sorry, calling her and some how I got her back. Meanwhile, in only that small time frame she mate with a guy he was from her office. And now they were good friends. She used to go to office with him. I was shattered as, she always used to go with me. But now, she told me that we are together but I am not going to hurt him because of you. He was there to drop me even you were fighting. I was suspicious about this sentence. But I thought, might be I am getting too much suspicious as usual and, let her do what she wants. I should trust her. Still I was not agree she going with third person even though I am there for her. And now that guy started involving in our relation. Now we were pretty stabilized in relation and, debates used to happen but not so bad nor so frequent. Again last year we had small debate. I was waiting for her for the dinner where as I saw her having dinner with that guy. I felt bad. They were standing beside the road, I was able to see her. I dialed her number and she just hung up the call many times. I was angry. Some how I managed to call her and Told her that I saw you both and I am hurt. I was already suspicious about that guy because, before say 2 months I had checked her mobile bill and she was calling/sending sms to him daily too frequent. She even haven't sent me so many msgs in day. Finally in the night when they were coming back from office. I stopped them asked her to get down and come with me. I am hungry still, she left from there with that guy. She called me and told me that He is not knowing you and you are making my bad image in front of my colleagues. I was angry I yelled too much that day. I felt sorry about my behavior. Next day I tried to call her many times, sending msgs also, but she haven't picked up. It continued further for a long time of 1 month. I was missing her badly. I stared behaving like a idiot waiting for her below her house, just to see and talk to her. She used to come down and go with that guy. Whenever I asked her about their relation she told me, she thinks him as her brother. First time in my life I trusted someone. I felt that I am bad, suspicious and she is scared of me. I should do something to win her heart nor to scare her. I was missing her so badly every day I used to see them together. Whenever I got her mobile bill, I used to check how much she calls her and, used to get depressed that, in a day only one number is there many times and that is of that guy. I tried to meet that guy, my childish behavior thought they might be good friends and he can help me to get her back. Tried to be friend with him too. But frankly I used to hate him. I tried to find out one chance to meet my gf wanted him to help me. But he gave me wrong info on her birthday. I took her out and I was an idiot waiting with a cake below her house as he told me. I lost faith in him and knew that he is going to flirt with her. I tried to tell my gf many times about it. She never listen to me and they continued. I was getting more and more hurt watching them together, and even I was not confirm that there is any soft feeling from my gf side about him. But still I was too much hurt. I started drinking and one day, I saw my gf going with that guy on a bike she was sitting behind him, holding his shoulder in front of me. I felt too bad I was drunk and I slept with one escort that day. I felt too bad about my behavior I enjoyed the body of a girl that night but, my thoughts were about my gf only. I started drinking heavily and thereafter whenever she touched that boy, I used to sleep with some one. Felt too bad about it even shame on me. Some how I managed to get my gf after 4 months as a friend again. I knew that I can win her heart again. I lost too much money in these all things. But I haven't told her about that. I told her I lost money and she started helping me. My gf still used to go with that guy but now I was aware that, I shouldn't make any mistake to loose her. Again around 3 months gone. After 7 months of the start of this all, We were now together again as we used to. But still she used to go with that guy. I was not bothered because she is loving me. One day I found some msgs in her mobile sent from that guy. I was shattered as, those messages were so that one lover can send to his girlfriend. I asked her what is that? She started fighting. Saying me that you can never change. You are always suspicious and all... I didn't wanted things go worst and left the topic there itself. Telling my mind that, I know that guy is bad but she is mine and mine only. Now after 15 months of this debate, we are a happy couple. Still I had something in my mind that I wanted to tell her. That was I slept with 3 girls cheating on her. One day I told her this thing. I knew she might be having something to tell. Might be attracted to that guy but still loved me always. I tried to dig in her mind. As usual I knew, she will not tell me the truth till I really take effort to dig it. She told me that she slept with that guy. Even they went to other city stayed in a hotel. My feelings about her died that time itself. I never expected this to happen. She always lied whenever I asked her about their relation. Hurting myself too much. Waiting for her like my life. Trusting their friendship. Yelling about myself that I am suspicious, bad person. When I asked her why did u do this? She told me because of me. I was always suspicious and she started hating me. I provoked her to do these all things. I know even I cheated on her. But some day before we get married I dared. To tell her the truth without she asking me. I loved her always no body else. I am not hurt because she slept with some one. I am hurt because she loved some one. She gave everything to him that I was dieing for. Hurting my feelings every day. Cheating me, in front of my eyes. Saying that person is like her brother... She wants me to get over it. She don't want to leave me. She wants to get married with me. She is feeling sorry about whatever happened and telling me that it will never happen again. She tells me that, she miss me a lot when I am not around. Right now she is not in the contact with that guy. She left him and came back to me. We are together as we were before. Still I am hurt. Deeply inside she ruined my first love. I slept with someone but never loved them. I just cant accept whatever she did with my feelings. I am scared of these all things happening again. Whenever I see her, I feel that passionate love she gave me, same time same things enjoyed by some one else who never loved her. Even now, I feel that still there are many more things that she is hiding from me. Please help me I don't know what to do. Shall I continue or shall I stop here itself...
bernardverh Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 You wrote this story in May, are you still in the same situation? It's really a long and detailed story, so I made a very short version. How I read it: - Beginning: nice relationship - You started being jealous / suspicious - She didn't like this and things started to go wrong. - A few months break-up - She slept with another guy - You slept with three other girls - Now you are back together again "Still I am hurt. Deeply inside she ruined my first love. I slept with someone but never loved them." You say she ruined your first love, but didn't you cause that yourself with your behaviour like you said? "Please help me I don't know what to do. Shall I continue or shall I stop here itself..." I think you answered your own question already: "I just cant accept whatever she did with my feelings."
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