RcBunnys2 Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I got back together with my ex a few months ago. We are both currently living at my (mother's) house. We have gone through all the "I love you" motions, and have a history together. He is the guy of my dreams; he treats me like a princess, has a complimenting personality to mine, can hold his own in an argument, makes good money... everything that any girl would desire. On paper, he is the perfect boyfriend. I know he loves me to death, and I love him too. But the thing is, I'm not IN love with him. I don't understand why, since he is so great. This really baffles me. Has something like this ever happened to you, or someone you know? Please share some experiences!
Yamaha Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 B/C you don't feel sexual attraction towards him. You can like someone lots but that doesn't guarantee you'll feel attracted, sexually to them. Do you have any desire to kiss him and rip off his clothes when your together? If not them you just don't feel passion for him and you need to tell him. It won't make for a lasting relationship. You need to be more than friends to sustain a marriage ( if that is your goal ).
Philetus Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Been there. You have no chemistry of attraction and there is no way to manufacture it. You can't change how you feel. There is little point in pursuing the relationship. If you continue to stay involved, it won't be long before you DO meet someone for whom you have that chemistry and then you're in for a world of trouble. Most of us emotional needs that we need our partner to meet. Sexual attraction is one of them. If he can't meet that need, and it seems like he doesn't, you'll eventually seek it out from someone who can supply it. Either that, or you'll be unhappy. If you can live with that, go for it.
skydiveaddict Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I I love him too. But the thing is, I'm not IN love with him. I don't understand why, since he is so great. This really baffles me. Has something like this ever happened to you, or someone you know? Please share some experiences! that is one of the classic break-up lines: I love you but I'm not in love w/you Just admit it, you're not interested anymore. So tell him the truth
carhill Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 So, back in January 2009, why did he break up with you? From reading your thread, you were ambivalent back last May (09) whether it was him you missed or 'what you had'. Based on what I'm reading here, the 'missed what you had', meaning presumably the intimacy and sex, was the overriding consideration, more than missing him as a person and feeling passion *for him*. Sometimes, when it's done, it's done. IME, people sometimes stay together for convenience, since it's a big scary single world out there, much as you have experienced over the last 18 months. What is the single longest period since January 09 that you've been completely alone, meaning no dating and no relationships?
Author RcBunnys2 Posted May 15, 2010 Author Posted May 15, 2010 Do you have any desire to kiss him and rip off his clothes when your together? Honestly, about half the time I won't even react if he tries to kiss me. Based on what I'm reading here, the 'missed what you had', meaning presumably the intimacy and sex, was the overriding consideration, more than missing him as a person and feeling passion *for him*. I don't completely understand what you are saying. In response to what I gather though, I did miss him as a person. I didn't miss just the sex, if I wanted to I could get that any time. I used to be passionately in love with him when we first got together, but the second time around I don't understand why I'm not in love with him again. What is the single longest period since January 09 that you've been completely alone, meaning no dating and no relationships? 6 months of nothing. I am perfectly fine being alone. I know how to take care of myself, so that isn't really an issue.
carhill Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I used to be passionately in love with him when we first got together, but the second time around I don't understand why I'm not in love with him again. Because he rejected you when he broke up with you in January 09. Everything changed. The psychology of your relationship was altered forever. Evidently, the 'new' relationship does not 'do it' for you. In response to what I gather though, I did miss him as a person. In the referenced thread, you stated, at that time, that you 'missed what you had' and were apparently ambivalent at that time as to whether that was specific to him or more generally the emotions you felt while in the relationship. Regardless, on the day he rejected you as a continuing partner, both your perspectives changed. A new day dawned, a broken up day. I'm finishing up a divorce so I can relate pretty well to such changes. Depending on the circumstances, they can be life altering. IDK what your circumstances were. It was unclear in that thread. IMO, based on my own work in MC, the healthy imperative is to accept how you feel now. If positive and healthy interaction does not cause you to feel passion, that's your path. Accept it. You would accept it with a new man, so accept it with the 'new' old man. If he don't float your boat, find another.
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