LisaUk Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Just wondering if this pain is ever going to leave me or if I have to endure it the rest of my life?
alphamale Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Just wondering if this pain is ever going to leave me or if I have to endure it the rest of my life? no, it goes away in time
worldgirl Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Dear Lisa - You and I have in some ways had a similar life-shattering experience when our long-time partner or husband suddenly deserted with no warning, leaving devastation in their wake. Yet even after just six months, I feel the pain will go away. Today I finally achieved agreement on that pension share you first encouraged me on and a lump sum (to be paid much sooner than I thought). While I guess my husband thinks a 50-50 of a limited asset pot is enough, of course it isn't after 28 years of marriage. Yet it was a first step or two to taking away the worry and panic, and I suppose an acknowledgment by him that what he did was wrong (he had always refused a 50-50 split till then). You see, as well as my situation, until a temporary hiatus I did bereavement support work as a volunteer and I will again. Through this, and through other personal tragedies - my mother's sudden death while on holiday visiting me, the massive early stroke of a very talented brother, a child's life-threatening illness - I have learned that eventually even the most searing pain does dissipate. Right now, even after a agreement to settle that will take away the most immediate fears, I know that I will have a hell of a time recovering from abruptly losing my best friend and mate of 28 years and our planned future in Europe. Yet I know I will and, since you are quite a few years younger than me Lisa, I am certain this will be the case with a talented and bright person like you. As Vikki Stark said in her book, you can't go around it, you have to go through it. Believe me, those who don't will be like the people I have seen who do not let themselves grieve after a bereavement and then fall victim to nightmares, depression etc many years later. It may not seem like it, but I think those who grieve massively at the start do themselves a favour because they don't retain as much anger and unfinished business. I feel sure tha you and I and the many grieving souls who have had our trust and love abused will go on to find new hope and life.
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