I Miss the Kiss Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Ok, so you all know my psycho xMM. NO I haven't talked to him at all, other than a few random texts over the last few weeks. Skip to last night... I'm sitting at my daughter's softball game thinking to myself (game hadn't started yet) "Hmmmm.... I have a feeling I'll hear from xMM tonight..." And not 30 seconds later I got a text. LOL He started in as if we had never lost contact. "What are you doing? How's **** doing at softball? Do you think we could make it financially, Peanut? I'm a mess, I miss my Peanut so much. Wanna come to (his town) tonight and see me?" etc, etc., etc.... BLA BLA BLA I did respond, only to tell him my daughter was playing well and having fun in softball. Didn't comment on his invitation to F**K or anything else... This morning I get a text: "I shouldn't have chatted you up last night... I'm stilll working on my M. I have to go to work now." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can finally laugh at this man. I mean really, truly LAUGH. Not that its funny, because its acutally quite sad to me that any human being is so distrubed... but as for me, I can laugh it off as a lesson learned. I deleted the text like I never even saw it and have had a great day today since then. So there IS hope... I'm still healing, but he has lost every ounce of hold he ever had on me. Period. I'm only sharing this with my LS friends as an update... Maybe someone will gain some hope from it, too. Take care, friends.
bittersweet memories Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Ok, so you all know my psycho xMM. NO I haven't talked to him at all, other than a few random texts over the last few weeks. Skip to last night... I'm sitting at my daughter's softball game thinking to myself (game hadn't started yet) "Hmmmm.... I have a feeling I'll hear from xMM tonight..." And not 30 seconds later I got a text. LOL He started in as if we had never lost contact. "What are you doing? How's **** doing at softball? Do you think we could make it financially, Peanut? I'm a mess, I miss my Peanut so much. Wanna come to (his town) tonight and see me?" etc, etc., etc.... BLA BLA BLA I did respond, only to tell him my daughter was playing well and having fun in softball. Didn't comment on his invitation to F**K or anything else... This morning I get a text: "I shouldn't have chatted you up last night... I'm stilll working on my M. I have to go to work now." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can finally laugh at this man. I mean really, truly LAUGH. Not that its funny, because its acutally quite sad to me that any human being is so distrubed... but as for me, I can laugh it off as a lesson learned. I deleted the text like I never even saw it and have had a great day today since then. So there IS hope... I'm still healing, but he has lost every ounce of hold he ever had on me. Period. I'm only sharing this with my LS friends as an update... Maybe someone will gain some hope from it, too. Take care, friends. Why do you even bother with a few radom text here and there? Why not just ignore him completly?
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted May 15, 2010 Author Posted May 15, 2010 Why do you even bother with a few radom text here and there? Why not just ignore him completly? This was early on in the NC. Actually, until last night I had not heard from him in several days. Baby steps....
Hazyhead Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Well done IMTK You can do this, you're right. One thing though, you're still leaving that door open for him - even just texting him polite conversation back is encouragement. Next step: don't respond to his texts; it just leaves you open to stirring up feelings and there's absolutely no benefit to be had from it. It's going to take you to have to do it because there's no way he ever will. Do this and free yourself from him properly. Free yourself to find a happiness with someone better.
secretlady76 Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I agree, drop the random texts and delete any you receive. CUT ALL TIES.
califnan Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Laughter and sense of humor over a bad situation - is a sign of healing and Finding Yourself ... hallelujah. Otherwise, I would like for Peanut to stay in her shell, where he is concerned..
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Ha Ha! So you don't accept his offer and he basically renigs the next day??? LOL! I didn't really mean it??? And that makes him feel like he wasn't turned down? I swear, the older some men get, the younger they act... that sounds like something one of the five year old girls next door would do. I think you did great.
whichwayisup Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 It's actually good that you did text him back and not acknowledge the "let's get together" bit. It showed him that you're not interested, that you "got the message" but chose to ignore it. Now this WILL make NC easier for you. Just no more answering ANY future texts. It's pointless since now you know absolutely 100% that he is only after one thing, sex. Imagine if you had said yes, dropped everything to go see him, or allow him to come to you. The result would have been the same, the next day he'd drop you like a hot potatoe, tell you he has to work on his marriage. POWER and EGO trip for him.
2sunny Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 good job! actually... perfect! stay strong and unaffected!
pureinheart Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 LOL...IMTK, I can feel it too when they are about to make contact, what is that anyway????? FTR I think 5 yr olds are more mature than this guy...he was testing the waters. The really sad thing is, and this is just communicating what happened with me...everytime I would think, "hey, he's for real and gonna get it together", the bomb would drop. I've seen a lot of people who have that done to them on this board, and since it hits home, I have lost a bit of faith in men as a whole...I don't trust what I'm told now even if it has nothing to do with a R on any level. Quite frankly, we like to be optimistic concerning the future, although for me have been traumatized by the drama. If the real one did come forth, not sure I could handle it.
SoxPrincess Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 HOORAY for you!!!! Yes, ideally no contact means no contact but I agree 100% with WWIU. You did respond to his text but didn't even acknowledge his fishing line for sex; that's GREAT!! I think it takes time to not feel the need to return a text when an xMM sends one; I know it took me months, but you're right, baby steps. Have a wonderful weekend!
pureinheart Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Ha Ha! So you don't accept his offer and he basically renigs the next day??? LOL! I didn't really mean it??? And that makes him feel like he wasn't turned down? I swear, the older some men get, the younger they act... that sounds like something one of the five year old girls next door would do. I think you did great. Exactly......
White Flower Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 You've come quite a long way in a very short time! Good job!
jthorne Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Wow. This guy is sick. Not just immature, but sick. Like diabolical sick. All he wanted to do was reel you in, so he could slap you down again. It wasn't because you didn't take the bait. I think it was premeditated. You're still a game to him. How sad. I'll be glad when you finally stop communicating at all with this loser.
carhill Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 The scary part IMO is that this is who he always was. Shocking. I experienced such a revelation with my long-term MW. It was like, suddenly, everything made sense. Acceptance
RedDevil66 Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 detach, detach, detach! You're getting stronger. Stop falling for his BS or else you stay sick with him. Rise above his insanity hugs
pureinheart Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Ok, so you all know my psycho xMM. NO I haven't talked to him at all, other than a few random texts over the last few weeks. Skip to last night... I'm sitting at my daughter's softball game thinking to myself (game hadn't started yet) "Hmmmm.... I have a feeling I'll hear from xMM tonight..." And not 30 seconds later I got a text. LOL He started in as if we had never lost contact. "What are you doing? How's **** doing at softball? Do you think we could make it financially, Peanut? I'm a mess, I miss my Peanut so much. Wanna come to (his town) tonight and see me?" etc, etc., etc.... BLA BLA BLA I did respond, only to tell him my daughter was playing well and having fun in softball. Didn't comment on his invitation to F**K or anything else... This morning I get a text: "I shouldn't have chatted you up last night... I'm stilll working on my M. I have to go to work now." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can finally laugh at this man. I mean really, truly LAUGH. Not that its funny, because its acutally quite sad to me that any human being is so distrubed... but as for me, I can laugh it off as a lesson learned. I deleted the text like I never even saw it and have had a great day today since then. So there IS hope... I'm still healing, but he has lost every ounce of hold he ever had on me. Period. I'm only sharing this with my LS friends as an update... Maybe someone will gain some hope from it, too. Take care, friends. Well, I just thought of some good things to be thankful for...at least you are only dealing with one psycho...I had a whole family The scary part IMO is that this is who he always was. Shocking. I experienced such a revelation with my long-term MW. It was like, suddenly, everything made sense. Acceptance I am so glad you are doing good CH...me too, everyday gets better and better.
delirious Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 LOL...IMTK, I can feel it too when they are about to make contact, what is that anyway????? .................... Sorry to TJ, but that is me too, why do we have these psychic moments with our MMs? I knew also when he was about to cancel our meeting, usually just a few hours before. I could feel it. I feel I have never been so in touch with anyone in my life. I Miss - Do you think he sensed you were thinking about him? I know that sounds mad, but I have texted MM and got a message before I even sent it. And we only texted once or twice a day and not at the same time. Weird. To be fair to him, it is only to be expected that he will have his weak moments and you should not blame him for that if he loved you. It is horrible all this flip flopping isn't it? Seems MM do it more than MW/OW. Mostly like has been discussed many times, that MM stay more than MW for mostly reasons not related to love. At least you know that he still wants you, better than never hearing anything again and wondering if it was all worth it.
jj33 Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 The contact doesnt make sense because you expect it to mean he wants what you want. All the contact means is I want the feeling I had when we were together. But your agendas still arent the same. He wants it on his terms, you want it on yours.
Hazyhead Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 At least you know that he still wants you, better than never hearing anything again and wondering if it was all worth it. I'm sorry, but this is the exact kind of thinking that will get you pulled back in, this searching for validation from him. You're better than this delirious and have more than enough within you to find that validation for yourself. To hell with what he thinks... makes no diff... what matters is what you think and what you do about it. It's over. Time to move on. Where possible shed all ties and walk free.
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 Can I just say, I LOVE YOU GUYS! I just read all the responses and I'm feeling so much stronger. I did cry a lot this morning, but it was more about mourning the loss of what I thought was a beautiful thing. The thing is... its not beautiful at all. He is a very sick man and he needs help. I hope he gets it. He has to do this himself... not me, not his W can help him. I'm hoping he's gone for good since I didn't accommodate him, but we shall see. The good thing is that I will NOT accommodate him ever again. If he wants an ego boost, perhaps his W can give it to him...
Hazyhead Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Can I just say, I LOVE YOU GUYS! I just read all the responses and I'm feeling so much stronger. I did cry a lot this morning, but it was more about mourning the loss of what I thought was a beautiful thing. The thing is... its not beautiful at all. He is a very sick man and he needs help. I hope he gets it. He has to do this himself... not me, not his W can help him. I'm hoping he's gone for good since I didn't accommodate him, but we shall see. The good thing is that I will NOT accommodate him ever again. If he wants an ego boost, perhaps his W can give it to him... Yay, IMTK! You can SO do this
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 = Bipolar. I have a strong feeling that he is saying that he is "working on his M" because he didnt get the reaction that he expected or wanted to get from you. If you would have come to his town, he sure would have NOT been working on his marriage. LOSER! I wish you strenght!
ladydesigner Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 = Bipolar. I have a strong feeling that he is saying that he is "working on his M" because he didnt get the reaction that he expected or wanted to get from you. If you would have come to his town, he sure would have NOT been working on his marriage. LOSER! I wish you strenght! Exactly! Wow he does sound like a real loser. At least you got the last word!. You have the power now IMTK and stay NC. He'll get the message eventually. Good for you for being strong! Stay NC.
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Thanks again, everyone. I have been serously pondering the whole bipolar possibility lately. I always thought of a bipolar as manic then depressed, but maybe not so in his case. He has had instances of being what I would say for him is a manic type of state-- rambling on about our "future" and how he wants to love my girls and take care of us and be the best man he can be for us.... then 8 hours later saying "I'm working on my M." No way this is normal, not even in the most messed-up man. So maybe he really does have bipolar tendencies. And YES... had I made the 3.5-hour drive to him this past Friday, he wouldn't have been working on his M that night... he would have been working on ME! LOL He only uses the "working on the M" angle when he gets scared, freaks out, has a friend or relative tell him he has to go back to his W, etc. He's a WIMP. Plain and simple! NC continues!!!!!!
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