Dexter Morgan Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 What really has pushed me over the edge with him is that he terrorized my 9 year old daughter by stopping in front of the house and making scary faces at her... he's done that more than once. I don't care how despicable and lousy someone's actions are, you leave their kids out of it. As for me, it's likely that I will marry my GF at some point next year. oh god why??? You are a cheater and just got divorced? whats the rush?
Dexter Morgan Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I think there is something wrong with you if you can go on..emotionally untouched after having your family ripped apart and world completely turned upside down. I find it hilarious that the OW/OM always pull the physical violence card out. So you can't leave a man who beats you and your children and puts them in harms way but you can leave for a dick? never made sense to me! me either. and if the husband is violent, well hells bells.....cheating on him aint gonna soften him up.
stillafool Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 OP, good for you. Glad to hear that you are happy with your situations. Its a rare thing, and I'm happy to hear about happiness on this site for once...but please don't shift the blame to her "Crazy bible thumping redneck ex H" to make you look like a good guy who didn't do anything wrong but follow your heart....the only sympathy your gonna get is from OW/OM IMAGINE THAT! I think he said "bible thumping redneck judge".
aerogurl87 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I'm not one to advocate cheating, but if the OW/new gf of the OP, ex husband is terrorizing little girls he's seriously screwed up in the head and I wouldn't put it pass him to probably beat the crap out of his ex wife. I mean really, the little girl is innocent in all this, and any grown man who threatens or tries to scare an innocent little girl intentionally multiple times has some serious psychological issues. Now I'm not saying cheating was right, but if his ex wife was cheating on him before he cheated I can actually sympathize with why he did so. When your being treated like crap in your relationship, it's hard to be happy with the person whose supposed to love and care about you. Hence cheating is made easier, not that it's right, but if you were put in that situation I'm sure you'd have alot more empathy for the OP instead of saying the little girl scaring, wife beating, ex H was in the right. OP I'm glad you learned your lesson and I wish the best for you, your daughter, your ex wife and her fiance. Hopefully this will be a learning experience for all of you and ya'll will be able to grow from it.
Brokenlady Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Honestly you are not being a father. You have put your own wants above your daughters. I'll be saying a prayer for her today and hope others on here do as well. JM, what does this mean? He did the honest thing (albeit after he cheated) and left his wife and got divorced. He cannot control the actions of the stbxh, the only thing he can do is call the cops. Or is he supposed to leave his fiancee because of her xH's actions? Somehow this (bolded) sentence gets thrown around on this forum and always seems to translate into: you should never ever leave your wife, and if you do, go back. I get that one is supposed to marry for life, but I just don't buy into this idea of staying married miserably "for the kids".
OWoman Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I'm sure there is a huge body of literature on this. I'm sure there is a huge body of literature on the effects of cheating on the betrayed spouse as well. quite possibly; and I guess in highly patriarchal societies, a cuckolded man killing his WW's OM may be found not guilty of murder... but in the cases with which I'm familiar, in more progressive countries, that alone is not considered sufficient grounds for exoneration. It may be a mitigating factor, leading to a lighter sentence, but it doesn't lead to a "not guilty" verdict - unless the defendant can convince the judge that they were temporarily insane at the time of the crime, owing to significant trauma and distress... but they'd need to show this manifest in their particular case, as infidelity is not typically considered grounds for temporary insanity in the cases with which I'm familiar. (American law might be different, as it does seem to be on many things.)
Author Jaspe_Loco Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 I'll reply to some of these questions/comments, but some are just too damn pathetic. Yes, I'll probably marry my GF (former OW) in the next year or so because I'm in love with her and she with me. Our relationship has withstood nearly 4 years. We both had a very tough situation at home, and we both made mistakes, but there was a reason that she appealed to me. Again, if you will search my earlier posts, you'll understand what I'm talking about. Not condone, but understand. My xW got engaged last weekend. Do I think it is too soon, yes, but despite my hesitations, I know that her fiancee is a great guy. Not only have I derived that from our meetings, he has many friends that will attest to that. He also loves my daughter (he has a 4 year old son that lives in another state). He respects my authority, and most importantly, he and I are on the same page when it comes to discipline and safety. To be perfectly honest, I feel safer knowing that he will be around my daughter rather than her being with just her mom. I think it's great that my xW and I have been able to develop a friendship that we were unable to do while married. I think my xW has changed a lot, but I couldn't see it while I was still married to her. I think so many bad thing happened between us, it would have been very hard to be happy, and I'm not just talking about our affairs. But again, the affair has been costly. Peoples lives have been forever changed and the guilt will never go away. Everyday you're involved in an affair, you lose a little bit of your soul. Over the 13 years I was married prior to the affair (3 1/2 years before getting caught), I fought to regain my identity... the identity that my xW took away from me. I have since found myself again. And the person that I was, and the person I am now rediscovering, hates the person that had an affair and destroyed two families.
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