jester Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 I think he knew I was bothered by it, that is why he called right after we both left or he just wanted to talk to me some more before his flight, do you agree? Yes. He observed your reaction, and probably wanted to assure you that the hug was innocent.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 He never mentioned the hug in the conversation, he just made small talk about little things...uh..this is so frustrating. I wish he would just come out with whatever he is thinking..
ladyangel Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 You are deeply involved in an emotional affair with this guy, which is just as damaging to your marriage as if you were having sex with him, in my opinion. But you're obviously not listening to anything anybody on this forum says, so I'm sure what I'm saying won't matter to you either.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 You are all right..I am in the midst of a emotional affair...the problem is I keep fantasizing about being with him and I kinda would hope he would make a move and he hasn't or will he??? I know you all think I am horrible..I am just being honest..as horrible as it may be...
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 He hasn't called me since he left for Florida and that kind of sucks...why hasn't he called..because he is with his wife...which he should be..this is awful. I want all these feelings to go away. When I ate dinner with him the other night I was so nervous and changed my clothes 3x to be sure I looked good. I was so nervous that my stomach hurt.
meanon Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 I don't think you are horrible at all. I do think you are totally infatuated with this man and that your need to continue discussing him is an attempt to get continued confimation that he is interested in you. I think you need to be honest with yourself and us about what you now want to get out of the situation and then seek specific advice rather than inviting general comment.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 Ok, I am going to be honest and please don't start bashing me, I think I keep wanting confirmation so I feel better knowing that he is interested in me and that he hasn't made a move because he is nervous...but then again I think he hasn't made a move because he really isn't interested in me at all or he is just trying to be friendly...I guess I keep asking to see if I get a different result and see what everyone else thinks. The sexual tension I am getting while I am around him you could cut with a knife and then I ask myself why hasn't he called me since he left..then I say well he is with is wife so he probably won't call. I don't know what to do. I wish either he would make a move or something and I wish someone could tell me if he will or not or if I am just blowing his actions out of proportion, but he doesn't do this with other people, did you read in the previous post about the eyelash thing after work..I am thinking if he really was interested why didn't he just grab me a kiss me....can you help?
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 The other night after work everyone had left it was just me and him...he said he had a eyelash in his eye and went and laid in the dental chair and asked me to get it out, now mind you no one is there, I am right up in his face and he could have probably gotten it on his own...so why me and why didn't he try anything??? I kept telling him I didn't see anything, but he swore there was one there. Then his wife called he went and talked to her and then came right back to the chair...why didn't he make a move then???This is why I am confused?
meanon Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 No I can't. Don't worry I'm not going to start bashing you . I don't think it's good for you to seek constant reaffirmation that he fancies you via this forum. If you don't want to have a relationship with him then what you are after will feed the infatuation so that's no good for you. If you do want a relationship with him then you need to sort it out with him. No amount of specuation on the signs and signals will make a blind bit of difference to the outcome. Worse, if you are confused as to what to do next it is a total distraction. I am also concerned that you are inviting negative comment, some of which you have received already (I don't know how vulnerable you are to this). Sorry that this is not what you are after but I hope you find it helpful anyway.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 So is he interested or not??
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 In answer to the question the sad thing is yes I would like to carry on the relationship, I am just wondering if we are looking at it the same way.
fallenangel Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 this ongoing saga about your high school infatuation with your boss is way past immature. not once have you even mentioned your husband. i think you should get yourself to a shrink as soon as possible because you are neurotically obsessed with this guy and it's lame. very lame. go find yourself a chat room if you want to type away about all this silly crap and totally ignore the advice you've been given. this isn't what this place is intended for, for day by day postings of your obsession and utter disrespect for your husband and marriage. grow up.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 If you don't like it don't reply, plus when these things happen people don't intend to sound immature or stupid...I am just confused and saddened...you don't know me as a person,it is just as immature to bash when you are not in the situation.
Skittles Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 Originally posted by DENTALASSISTANT Ok, I am going to be honest and please don't start bashing me, I think I keep wanting confirmation so I feel better knowing that he is interested in me and that he hasn't made a move because he is nervous...but then again I think he hasn't made a move because he really isn't interested in me at all or he is just trying to be friendly...I guess I keep asking to see if I get a different result and see what everyone else thinks. The sexual tension I am getting while I am around him you could cut with a knife and then I ask myself why hasn't he called me since he left..then I say well he is with is wife so he probably won't call. I don't know what to do. I wish either he would make a move or something and I wish someone could tell me if he will or not or if I am just blowing his actions out of proportion, but he doesn't do this with other people, did you read in the previous post about the eyelash thing after work..I am thinking if he really was interested why didn't he just grab me a kiss me....can you help? mama mia! dental girl...you's in trouble. ...you have a big crush on Dr. Yank'um. He knows you like him and is going to play you like a radio, then drill you..( sorry couldn't help myself). It's going to feel great at first, but after it turns ****ty and you fume with jealousy when he goes home to Mrs. Yank'um, it will hurt bad, very bad...You will feel out of control, angry, guilty, depressed and stressed because you will want to find another job after feeling dissed...and dissed you will feel. Then you will p/m the nurturers at L/S and there are alot of us ....and we will help you heal because that is our job here ..and we care, for real. Now DA let me ask you this, if you could fast-forward then reverse the video of what is about to happen, wouldn't you reverse to the day before you screwed Boss man and screwed up your life for awhile? Well, if you said yes to that, then maybe you can decide not do it at all and save some time.? I apologize for sounding sarcastic, I am cringing while reading your posts because all the advice and warnings are going unheeded...You are drunk with lust for Dr. Tooth and nothing and no one can sober you up right now. No one can predict Dr.s behavior...He will not call you when he is with the one he loves, his wife not you...sorry. He will screw you and maybe buy you lunch later...ouch! You don't deserve this abuse. I am here to p/m anytime DA..because it sounds like your gonna go for it anyway. Please take care of yourself . Skittles
meanon Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 Yes he seems interested but then you have been told that repeatedly - it doesn't make you feel any better does it? If you are determined to have an affair please make sure you have thought through the implications for you, your family and your work. We can provide support and advice but the answers to the questions you ask can only be provided by him.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 I know....I just keeping thinking that he is just trying to be friendly, when probably he does want to **ck me all the while, and who knows what he is thinking when he gives me those long stares with that little smile...its a awful feeling and a awful situation. god help me.
fallenangel Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 what part of "you are married" don't you understand? what part of "you have a husband at home who trusts that you are faithful to him, both physically AND emotionally" don't you get? what part of "the boss you're neurotically obsessed with is MARRIED" don't you understand? don't you have any pride or self respect? how can you even do your job properly when you are this out of control? god help the patients you treat, if you are this preoccupied. it doesn't matter that i don't know you in person. i know enough by the ongoing pathetic questions of "does he like me?" "what do you think it means?" "is he interested?" that you are out of control and you need a reality check. don't you feel any sense of loyalty to your husband? all you do is go on and on and on and on about this OM of yours, but not once have you said you felt bad for the emotional betrayal against your husband. do you even care about him? he deserves a good wife who will be loyal to him. not one who thinks only of herself. nobody here is psychic. nobody here can tell you what your piggish married crush is thinking or wanting or doing. he's likely off enjoying his time with his wife. smirking to himself about his little puppet (you) back at home who is falling for his flirting and inappropriate behavior. have you no self control? even animals have more self control. you just don't seem too bright. why come to an advice board when you ignore the advice but instead, continue to post up to date accounts of what your pig-boss did or said or didn't do or didn't say? again, go get professional help. then divorce your poor husband so the poor guy can find himself a decent woman who has some self control, loyalty and class.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 I understand and respect what all of you are saying, although I am not name calling or whatnot. So since we all feel the need to go beyond honest, lets start with he has no idea how I feel about all of this, which is why I am on here. He has done most everything so therefore I don't feel like I am a puppet. Second of all I am very intelligent, 30 years old with a masters in accounting and a dental assistant degree. I am just in a situation that I can't quite accept is happening. So therefore I think the name calling and whatnot is a sign of a uneducated person. yea maybe I do need to talk to someone, I thought I could do that here with venting and putting my thoughts down, thought maybe it could help. We are all intitled to be who we are and no one is perfect, plain and simple.
meanon Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 I'm not commenting on the morality of the situation - you will receive enough advice about that. It strikes me as odd that you say you have an awful feeling when he stares at you that way. You would think that to take all this risk he would have to make you feel a million dollars. And if it feels awful know there is more of that to come. This is a stab in the dark but it sounds to me like you are desperately seeking an escape from your marriage and this guy has presented himself as such. Please think about why you find him so attractive before you embark on an affair - there may be better, less risky ways of meeting your emotional needs than this.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 You are right, I am not pointing the blame or anything. I am just so frustrated with everything it seems the only stable thing I have is my job and now this situation just scared me to death. My husband is wonderful and I do feel bad but in the same breath I have told my husband that I feel we are different people and I would like to be on my own for a while and he just sits there and looks at me like I am talking to a wall...he works a lot so most of the time I am by myself which is fine, we don't have that much in common. I have more in common with my boss than with him and as far as my bosses wife they are having the same issues....my sexual interest in my husband was lacking before any of this...I don't feel like I am in love with my husband and he is fully aware of it and doesn't seem to care....what to do? Its like I am looking for passion and when I talk to my boss I feel like he connects with me and understands me....I know what needs to happen and sleeping with him isn't going to solve anything, plus I don't even know if he feels the same way, I am in a emotional, physical and marital roller coaster.
meanon Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 It sounds like you need to get out of the marriage unless you can find it within you to give it one last shot. The things you want are what most of us want in life. Why settle for an unsatisfying relationship with your boss when you could start a new life with someone who can give you everything you want? For now your boss represents everything you lack in your marriage but once you are in a relationship with him you may well want much more than he is able to offer you. Your job will be in jeopardy too. It's time to take control of this situation before it takes control of you.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 So how can I control these lustful feelings and the jealousy?? I love my job and everyone I work with...I understand what you are saying and you are right, thank you for listening.
jester Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 Here you sit: betwixt and between a dead marriage and a predatory tease of a boss. You want to feel alive and vital , again. Sexual tension with a potential lover is electrifying, exhilarating and empowering. Someone new, not your tired, disconnected spouse, wants you, aches for you, possibly even loves you. The thrill is long gone in your marriage. Unfortunately, you may not find the sexual Promised Land with your boss. My sense is that he's just playing, and he has no intention of consummating ANYTHING with you. Like you, he enjoys the sexual tension, and I'm sure he finds your sexual interest flattering. I'm beginning to suspect, however, that he's not willing to go as far as you. He may be turned on, but he's not stupid. He's not going to bed an employee--especially a married one. In time, you'll be as frustrated with your tease of a boss as perhaps you were, at one time, with your spouse. Get out of your dead marriage. Let the boss be. You're only 30. There's ample time for you to become romantically and sexually involved with young, attractive, interesting and unentangled men. End these games; start new ones.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 So you think he has no intention of becoming sexually involved with me, he just toying with the idea.
meanon Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 Your description of your marriage sounds dire - if you have an affair the relationship will worsen still further. If you can find it in you to try and improve the marriage then seek help to do so (Counselling, LS, friends, a site called <removed> is often recommended here). If you have already given up on the marriage then leave - it's kinder in the long run. Then seek a more suitable mate. Once you are dealing with the root cause of the problem the situation at work will be easier to manage as he won't seem like your only solution. I hope it works out for you.
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